bad doggy...no no

Ok so Brandy couldn't figure out why she had like 57 new emails on her POF account, she doesn't even use it any more. She got to the bottom of it, her dog walked on her Kindle and somehow the POF account appears and he stands on the word YES to like 100 guys that she would like to meet them!!! She has been doing damage control all afternoon, most of the guys are straight out of Deliverance and she said that she couldn’t figure out why the sound of dueling banjos came on as soon as she logged on. THIS IS HILARIOUS!! What if her dog picked out the man of her dreams and they fall in love? She said it wasn't likely, I told her that this was probably a good time to tell her dog exactly what she was looking for in a man so he'll know for next time.

Bahahaha! I was in bed not planning on blogging cause I had nothing to say but I got my butt up cause I couldn't stop laughing.

 
Ok back to my book. Christine and Patti are coming in tomorrow for the weekend yay!! Kelly may be staying here too due to the fact her house has no power from the storm the other night and she has been out of town so she didn’t know it. 4 girls up in the one bedroom crib...what what!

 

Toto? Kansas? I am so confused

Well this is my 400th post on this blogging journey and it’s kinda fitting that I am about to discuss a tornado. A tornado is kinda what has been described over the past 399 posts, one long, drawn out perfect storm.

Last night I am sleeping, minding my own business, the wind starts to pick up at alarming speeds and beating against the window above my head. The people on my ceiling are even stirring around up there (I haven’t heard them in months). I jump up out of bed, turn the News on and immediately the tornado warning alarm is going off for my county. ENH ENH ENH Danger Danger! Then the tornado siren starts going off outside, I was not prepared for this! Then my phone starts spazing out with the new Emergency Weather Warning text from someone in the government. I immediately start having a talk with myself. Ok, stay calm Stephanie, I know you are terrified of tornadoes and you are on the top floor and the weather girl is telling everyone to get away from the windows, get in a basement and you’re surrounded by windows and have no basement but calm down anyway. Get your butt in the kitchen and see what the Doppler radar has to say. Oh ok good, its downtown Nashville and multiple tornadoes are sprouting up all over the surrounding areas. The News lady announces my road is in line with one of them and she says it is headed in my direction and it will be here in eight minutes. Eight minutes?! How do they know this? What in the hell is gonna happen in eight minutes? I know, the sirens will get louder and the wind will pick up to 105 MPH. Get in the closet woman! I get in the coat closet near my front door so I can hear the TV; the power is flickering and all I know is that I have reached maximum blood pressures. I have heard several times that a tornado sounds like a freight train, damnit if a freaking train didn’t come steam rolling down the track right beside my apartment at about seven minutes into the eight minute warning!!! Holy freaking heart attack!!! I realize that it was an actual train and not something that was about to raise to roof, literally. So I calm down just enough to call Will. It is like 330am and he needs to wake the F up! I was shocked when he answered the phone, I told him I was in the closet and gave him the low down. He told me he was going turn on the TV and see what was going on and call me back. Ok cool, I will just take a seat on this here workout ball and hang out with my coats. He texted me like 45 minutes later, “you are ok”. Um ok thanks, I will crumble into my bed now. I am pretty sure he fell back asleep and woke back up long enough to text me that. I finally got back to sleep around 430am safe and sound ...shewee that sucked!

 
I woke up to the News and learned that the winds reached 115 MPF and there were 8 tornadoes that touched down that night in and around Nashville, see I wasn't freaking out for no reason, I would never do that.

 

Good times

Turning 36 was pretty awesome. I started off the day at work with a birthday bagel from Lori on my desk, great start, big fan of food on my desk. Then the office surprised me with Gigi’s cupcakes and sang happy birthday to me. I got a card from my parents with some much needed loot, a card from Sarah, and all kinds of birthday love on Facebook.

After work I had my main squeeze pick me up at my front door with a rose, a teddy bear and a card in hand. AAWWW! Well that is a first for me; I don't think I have ever been greeted a boy at my door bearing gifts as he escorts me to dinner. We arrived at Stoney River and were promptly taken to our reserved table. Will helped the hostess remove the extra place settings from the table, for a minute there I thought he was gonna follow her to the kitchen with the extra glasses ready to put them away.  We had a wonderful steak dinner with all the fixins, great convo, many laughs all mixed with country-isms of course. We reminisced about our first date that we had at this same spot, all those days ago. I had a slice of birthday cake, some birthday wishes from the staff and we went back to my place to chill. It was perfect day.

Friday night I got together with the half circle for part two of the celebration. Brandy, Kelly and I had a much needed girl’s night out and we had an absolute blast. Three loud ladies kept it within our realm of comfort. We managed to maintain a very casual, low key, drama free night that had more laughs than I knew what to do with.  They sponsored the whole evening and I am very thankful for them for showing me a good time.

 
Saturday we got up and I made a beeline for the country. When I got there we took Will’s new golf clubs out for a spin. We spent the afternoon hitting golf balls into the hay field. He was very good at it, I had no idea the boy had such skills, so that was a nice surprise. I on the other hand looked like an awkards left hander trying to hit a ball right handed. I don’t care how comfortable you are with someone, whiffing ball after ball is just embarrassing. I did manage to hit the ground a few times a top speed, that was about the time that Will, oh so gracefully, took the brand new club out of my hands and well that was it. I did however realize that this activity could be really fun so I am going to get a left handed club and then we shall see some real action take place.

We then went to the movies and since the movie he wanted to watch didn't start until 9 (remember there are only two movies playing at once in Fayetteville) so we had to settle for Hansel and Gretel in 3D. We are now sitting in the theater looking likes dorks with glasses on bobbing and weaving and ducking at things zinging at our faces. I liked the movie, Will not so much. Sorry Hun, you'll have to go watch the dirty dog Arnold Swartzacheater another time.

Well that is all I got. I have already finished my first Nick Sparks novel and I ready for the movie to come out on V. Day (Safe Haven) and now I am already invested in the next book...The Best of Me.

 

The sun will come out...tomorrow!

I am excited about tomorrow for two reasons, one, it's my birthday and two, I get to spend it with  my boyfriend! It’s been a few years since I have had a mate on this special occasion so you won't find me complaining about that! We are going out for a steak at Stoney River and I am gonna show this guy how to clean a plate in mere minutes. I plan on starving myself all day so he better be ready to see a steak disappear before his eyes. It’s only fair since last night he got to show me how to let a quesadilla fall out of his mouth onto his plate when he realized it had onions in it.

The things this country boy does would normally gross me out but nothing seems to phase me when it comes to him. Hey if you want to take a bathroom break in mid-sentence in the middle of a cow field, you go right ahead as long as you turn around and don't splash my boots. If you want to pick up hash browns with your fingers at Waffle House, not a problem, just don't show them to me while they’re inside your mouth. If you want to pick up a dead mouse from a mouse trap in front of me and throw it into the yard, it’s cool, just wash your hands (yes field mice sometimes do enter a house in the country).

I have been known to go bananas on certain folks if they were to do any of the things I stated above (including leaving the bathroom door open while in use), but I’m not bothered at all. I guess it’s cause he is so outright with himself and it’s not taboo in the country so I accept it and I accept the Etiquette, or lack thereof. I find his antics refreshing and let’s face it, I am never gonna win any awards for my table manners either, so there you go. Our comfort level is at an all-time high after a very short time and that is a good thing. Don't get me wrong he is a man who carries himself with respect, confidence and has plenty of manners, he is very polite to everyone he meets and tips like a Rockefeller, but his ways are just country.

I am all set for tomorrow, I have my outfit; I just cleaned my apartment and gave myself a Mani/Pedi. I am counting on the shower to reduce the overage of polish on my fingers and toes.

 Friday I am meeting the half circle for my birthday girl’s night out...first time back together since the summer so that should be fun.

 
I guess that means I will be reporting to you guys one Saturday...see ya!

 

raise the roof!

Thirty-six years ago today, a bright-eyed bouncing baby girl made the world a better place just by being born. Sarah D was in the house! She will always be one of my very favorite people, the girl who listens to my crap, gets my jokes and the girl who I can spend any amount of time with talking on the phone, texting, emailing or in person and I will be guaranteed a belly laugh and a smile out of it. I can count on her for almost anything, I can count on her to keep me in line on writing this silly blog, I can count on her to send me all her old crap that she knows I will use no matter what it is (I am running low on face powder girl, I am sure you have a half used compact sitting around somewhere). I can count on her to track down something I borrowed a year ago and demand that I give it back, because well it’s hers. I can count on a card in the mail just because she felt like brightening my day. I can count on her to fight a bitch over a nickel and then turn around and buy the whole bar (and that bitch) a round of drinks. I love this girl to death and my life would not be nearly as delightful if she wasn’t in it. I hope my Spanish rendition of the Happy Birthday Song started your day off right and my tribute to you bookends the day you blessed the world with your presence. I bought your belated birthday card a week ago in anticipation of its tardiness, so expect it in 1 to 2 weeks tops. Happy freakin birthday girl!

 

so sad....poor Falcons

What a fun weekend! The Ryman AKA Grand ol Opry was awesome! It wasn't a concert; it was an old time experience. It included all the stars mixed with old as hell country blue grass singers and live commercials like an old time radio show. Everyone was awesome!

Before the show we went to dinner… at Quizno’s. The girl behind the counter was confused as to why the only ingredients I requested was jalapenos and all Will wanted was cheese.  She said that we were the simplest people she’d ever made a sandwich for and I thought that was a good sign. The girl said that we were going to be very happy together because we were so simple. Hey Quizno Girl, thanks for wishing us well as the most boring sandwich people on the planet!

 I am exhausted; I will tell you about the rest of the weekend tomorrow. Poor Falcons.

 

until tomorrow...

Not much to report, been working out, reading, and counting down the seconds til tomorrow. Will is taking me on a pre-birthday night out...The Ryman! So excited! I have been jamming out to Joe Diffie, Diamond Rio and Hunter Hays all week getting pumped up. I have had many flash backs of high school, John Deer Green, what a great song to skip school to, rolling around with the sun roof open in my friend's 1987 Volvo, good times!

Ok back to reading Safe Haven (the movie is about to come out and I need to finish).  I never thought having a boyfriend would mean unlimited access to all the chic books I can handle.

he who sleeps.....me no likey

I didn't sleep at all the past two nights...Saturday night I drank caffeine during the movie and we all know I can't have caffeine past noon, so I screwed myself. Last night I had all kinds of things going through my head. My stupid piece of crap Fisher Price Wal-Mart phone that I paid $100 for finally conked out for good (I will be hosting a demolition party starring the phone and a hammer tomorrow in the parking lot). Usually if I spend a few hours taking the battery out and putting it back in over and over again, eventually it will come back on, not this time. So since I no longer had a phone when I went to bed last night, I went through all of the possibilities of what could go wrong. I was picturing someone breaking into my apartment and me asking them to hang on while I turned on my busted up laptop and emailed a 911 dispatcher to tell the police to come rescue me. I then pictured my apartment catching on fire and me updating my Facebook status asking for someone to call the fire department. When you live alone and no longer have a source of instant communication it can be unsettling and for me it makes my wheels spin off the axel as I lay in bed and not sleep. My 122 episodes of Friends I have saved on my DVR came in quite handy to sing me to sleep and after 4 episodes I finally did just as my alarm went off.

Now I am on call for work. This means I am the designated office personnel on duty to take emergency calls from folks whose houses are flooding or burning and me, the person who loves to pop sleeping pills and who hasn't slept in two nights their reliable source of comfort. This is gonna be fun! Good luck to everyone, if I go one more night with no sleep because of the ice that is currently falling out of the sky as we speak is making everyone in the Nashville area pipes burst, I am gonna be one cranky Spaz.

I did however spend my tag money to get a new phone today so that is taken care of, hopefully this prepaid Verizon will let me make calls at the farm, that is what I am counting on. Oh and even though I have my same number and same SIM card, my contacts did not transfer so I am gonna need everyone to text me again with their name attached (including my mother and father). Hopefully this will not be a bi-annual event as it is currently on schedule to be.

Anyhoo, wish me luck in my on-call endeavors, I will let you know how it all goes down ( I am on call all week, I am a lucky lucky lady).

 

where are my floaties? Holy flood outside

Well had a great day on the farm yesterday doing farm stuff. If I had a nickel for every time I fed a calf with a bottle, well I would have one nickel. It turns out I do have maternal instincts...with livestock. I fed the little baby with a bottle and it was so precious, I could do that all day long. All precious times must come to an end; it was time to blow some shit up. I was now holding a high powered rifle in my shaky hands, started off with a 22 magnum and quickly graduated to a 300 something or other rifle. I figured I had three goals, don't shoot anyone, don't shoot the truck and don't shoot the dog, if I can manage that, I am golden. It turns out I am an expert marksman, I shot the water bottle with the first shot! And then I blew up a rock (my target) into smithereens, it was so AWESOME! I loved it, I think I missed my calling as a sniper, well it’s never too late I say.

After my goals were successfully reached, we had a quick visit with the parents and then off to the movies. We saw Jack Reacher, excellent movie, it’s a must see! The movie theater out there has two whole movies playing at the same time! It has the old time glam look on the outside, with the lights and titles on the front like in New York, except we are not in New York, we are in Fayetteville, Tennessee, same diff.

Woke up this morning, Will is on the couch, he still has not grasped the severity of the morning rule. We are to ignore me until I have had my cereal. This guy has the nerve to tell me good morning, what a jerk; I quickly snarled and reminded him of the rule. I took my cereal to the bedroom and read my book, ten minutes later I came out with a new attitude and a smile on my face, he will get it one day. Other than that Will and I are getting along splendidly (knock on wood) this whole country living is not for the birds, it’s for me! I love it out there! I get to do my laundry without cleaning other people’s lint out of the lint trap in the public dryer and I have a wide variety of cereal, what else do I need?

Now I am sitting in my apartment hoping to not float away, just watched the Falcon defeat the Seahawks in an extreme nail biter! Nice win Falcons! I went to church for the first time in a few weeks. I wasn’t going to go but then I got a present in the mail from Kathy and I immediately jumped in the shower and off I went. Thanks again Kathy!

I got my Birth Certificate in the mail from my Mom, now I can stop riding dirty and get a legal TN license. Thanks mom, I loved your cute note you wrote. Tell Dad congrats on his beloved Falcons!

 

Shout out!

I would like to extend a big belated birthday shoutout to my good friend Casey! When I wished a her happy birthday yesterday she told me she was going out with Mr.Right Now and not Mr. Wright...I had no idea she was still reading my blog after all this time and it warmed my heart..thanks for keeping up with me girl, it means a lot ..Happy Birthday Love!

hint and you shall receive

Well all of the complaining finally paid off...I got me a raise! After a year and four months of doing 49 jobs I got a little incentive.it feels good! I celebrated by giving back to the homeless on the way to work this morning. I may even upgrade Thursday night dinners from peas in a can to Steamers in a bag..with fake cheese sauce and all!

Will came over last night and I didn't kill him with my cooking, he is still alive and well. I thought the pork chops were a little dry but he said he liked them; I will ignore the two extra glasses of water he drank at dinner. We had a good dinner and a movie night...Bourne Legacy, awesome movie minus Matt Damon.

Tonight I went and met up with Kelly...Kelly the girl I once knew and considered my only friend in the city of Nashville, yep she finally resurfaced. I let her explain the fact that she went into hiding, she hasn’t been cheating on me with other friends, she has just been working a lot and laying low. Ok I can respect that, just letta a girl know next time so I won't be racking my brain trying to figure out how I pissed her off. I let her apologize for making me watch almost every GA game by myself in my apartment...um by myself. So all is good, glad to have my friend back.

Will got me tickets to the Ryman Autorium for my birthday!!! YAY! I only hinted once and bam today we have tickets!!! We get to see Rio Diamond, I mean Diamond Rio, Joe Diffie and Hunter Hays at the oldest venue in Nashville, where all the stars have once performed. I am excited.

This is taking place next Friday the 18th, so my birthday weekend is still up for grabs if Sarah and Janeen want to come in town and surprise me. Sarah and I need to spend our birthday together in Nashville, HINT HINT HINT! I love surprises, especially the hand-me-down Coach wallet I just received in the mail from Sarah and her mom and after cleaning out her closet....thanks girls!! The purse you sent seems high end but I have no idea what it is...clue me in girl. Goodwill Spaz is all about the hand-me-downs

 

Ok nite nite

one more stamp of approval in the bag

So I had a lovely time with Amber and Brandy this past weekend. We pretty much parked our butts around the kitchen counter and talked about everything under the sun for two days. In between chats we went on a field trip to the farm. It was a good way to break up the day. I got to introduce Amber to my farm hunny and we took a tour of his house and then all piled in his truck for a tour of the farm. It was very educational, the girls had lots of questions, Will answered them all very eloquently and I sat quietly and eating it all up. I was so pleased to see them all engaging in steady convo that I barely spoke. The dude has got some knowledge packed nicely in his head, and when he talks he’s like Good Will Farming…ha how you like them apples?? We learned about heifers and cows, their uteruses and the fact that they have four stomachs. We learned the reason behind the dead vultures hanging from the trees acting as scare crows and why you need to have a permit to have an effigy. Oh and I learned a new word...effigy. We learned what chewing cud means and that there are poisonous trees that that the cows need not eat. I learned not to touch a "hot" fence and well no explanation needed besides: No touch Stephanie, hot, no no. We went back to the house after we concluded the informative trail of cow patties and Will, staying true to form, gave all of his groceries away. Freshly slaughtered sausage, summer sausage and pork chops all around. I think Amber scored some BBQ sauce too. Every time I leave Will’s I am leaving with some sort of meat to give away to someone else.

Well now I have been cleaning all evening getting ready for date night. Will is coming over tomorrow and I am cooking the pork chops he gave me. I think I have cooked pork chops once before, shouldn't be a problem. I spent my lunch break trying to get a TN driver’s license, I figure after a year and a half its time. Those bastards want me to produce a birth certificate. Birth Certificate? Can't you see that I am alive and well, that have a GA Driver’s license and speak English? Give me my license! You know I don't keep up with things of that nature! I think that last time I saw my birth certificate was under the tennis ball hopper in the garage of the town home I used to live in with Gary eight years ago. I guess I should probably assume it’s not there anymore, call California and have them ship me one out.

 

Bachelor alert

So the new Bachelor just started.  I am so embarrarassed for the girls trying to make impressions on the new sap of the season. These girls have taken the concept of “You only get one chance to make a first impression” to a whole new level. These girls get to come out of a limo one by one and introduce themselves. We have reached a new kind of sales pitch, one of a desperate single woman with a shot of life in the tabloids.

To the girl who did a back-hand-spring in heels and an evening gown, who did not negotiate the cobble stone properly and who busted her ass in front the Bachelor, I am sorry. To the girl from Nashville who thought it would be a good idea to sing a self-written song about him, I am sorry. To the beautiful girl with one arm, bravo darling bravo. To the girl who had the tie tucked in her prom dress as a symbol of 50 Shades of Grey, thank you. To the girl would put on majestic lipstick to kiss him on the cheek to mark her territory, thank you. To the girl who happened to have a hanky to wipe off the lipstick, thank you. To the girl who had a football who called him in to a huddle, thank you. To the 40-year-old drunk girl from Wisconsin, thank you.  To the fake Italian girl with a death threat from her dad, thank you. To the girl who came out of the limo with a wedding gown and veil....thank you! You all are so desperate and so embarrassing, thank you for the material.

Ok so I really want to talk about the amazing weekend with Amber and Brandy but I cannot until tomorrow.....I gots to go to bed. Thank you

 

slow my roll?

Work is crazy; I am currently training so I can have more job titles under my belt. I am just gonna recreate my business card to say "Spazwell, One-Man-Band Extraordinaire." and call it a day. I am very flattered that they have faith in me to wear all the hats, but at the end of the day I get hat-head, I always forget to bring a brush, so I just end up sitting around looking all strung out. Whatever I can roll with it.

I just made four large pieces of Orange Roughy and it was supposed to be two for dinner and two for tomorrow’s lunch. I ate all four pieces, therefore I suppose I am having croutons for lunch again (sometimes my choices are pretty questionable, four fishes swimming around in my belly is no bueno).

I set up at Workout Challenge for the people in the office, it started today so at least I got my butt up and worked out for once. I fell off the wagon and now I gotta pay for it. It’s really good timing to gain a boyfriend and six pounds at the exact same time. That's right I said boyfriend, I took my Grade A loins off the market, closed up shop on Match.com and I am now one half of a couple. Its about freaking time I say! We have now been dating for 19 days; it was time to make it official, but not Facebook official. He is not on Facebook so I get off on a technicality, haha no dumb “In a Relationship” crap for me. On New Year's Eve Brandy and I made a list of the nicknames from this year who came before the only guy who doesn't get a nickname. Are you ready?
DMAC, Red Flag Same Shirt, Too Short, Cheating Ginger, LOL, Hoover, Quivering Lip Class Ring, Jeffrey Whispers, and Crazypants....just to name a few. Who will all be remembered as great material.

Amber is coming up tomorrow to visit Brandy and me for a last minute girl’s weekend. I must give her some props for pointing out something a little freaky.

The book that I was reading right before I met Will Wright was the book that Amber's Mom, Kathy, sent me, it is titled "Lady in Waiting, How to Become God's Best While Waiting on MR. RIGHT"

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

 

Let's Start this Year off Wright!

Happy New Year everyone!( I think I said enough yesterday but I couldn't let that title go to waste).. I have big plans for this year and I plan on making it a good one! My spirits are high, I feel so very blessed and lucky to be living the life I lead. I want everyone to have the same attitude and feel good about the decisions of 2013. THREE CHEERS for a happy YEAR!!