day 48

Ok I woke up sad and realized that its gonna take a minute for me to get over losing my cousin. As much as I don't want to spend one more second thinking about it, I can't help my feelings and I have to let myself go through all the emotions that go hand in hand with being screwed over.

So this blog is gonna be about distractions:

I got to work, thank goodness I have that as a distraction. The people there make me laugh and that is awesome. I donated money to a charity, this girl at work is collecting money for the homeless so I gave $3...I guess I have a soft spot in my heart and a small connection to the homeless :) Lets face it,being a nomad is a person who has wonderful friends with homeless tendancies. If I didn't have such wonderful people in my life, I in fact would be homeless, so I donated $3 to the cause. hahaha.

Then I signed up for a football pool for this week, I spent $5 on this and got Gary's help on my picks..so I could win a pot full of money...football...an awesome distraction...I am ready for some football!

My friend Mike D is becoming a distraction (the guy I gave my 2 cents to), he cracks me up, he is from Maine and has a thick Good Will Hunting accent and sags his pants and I just found out he is 30, so we are in the same age group with a few things in common, except for the fact that he is a Pats fan.

My friend Allie, is making me go out tomorrow night, I went over to her house so I could borrow at dress and heels, yep she is making me dress like a girl. I tried on the outfit she picked out for me and she insists I look amazing, but I am pretty sure I look like a hoochie, but I am gonna be a good sport. She is making me where 5 inch stilettos (they are pretty hot, I will admit) I have never worn high heels beside 2 inch wedges, I told her I typically wear flip flops and she says that ends now. Well here is whats gonna happen, I am gonna walk around like baby deer who just discovered her legs or I am gonna do a face plant and break my ankle...ah geez, maybe I will do a few laps around the house and practice first. We are going to the Siverado, where they have country line dancing and bootie shaking music all rolled into one...now that is my kind of distraction..

Okay my 12 hour work day and sleeping meds are saying its time for beddy-bye...nite nite

Day 47

So guess who deleted me from her facebook? my slutty ex-cousin. I guess she didn't want me to see her and my ex-man become Facebook Official, gross I just threw up in my mouth a little. Anyway, I guess I am just mad that she beat me to the punch. I will block her from being a 'follower' of this blog after she reads this...hey Brandi, hey girl...you suck at life...hope all is well....thanks for taking that nutjob off my hands, tell him I said hi and don't be offended if you don't get a Xmas card this year... ok, I am now 5-years-old and I have wasted way too much time on this subject....

On to the things that matter....um, well, I just watched Bachelor Pad, Brandy (my friend) and I have given this show way too many chances, we keep thinking that its going to get better, but it doesn't, but that does not stop us. I think I may open a book and read it tomorrow, my brain is a muscle and if I don't use it, it will turn to mush, so that's the new plain, prevent mush brain.

ok well I am currently in the middle of a texting convo with this dude and we are discussing life and all its glory in a deep manner...I am pretending to be all deep and philosophical, but really I am quoting lines from "How to Lose a guy in 10 Days"

its the best.
good night

Day 46

I think I totally forgot to blog yesterday, I think the fact that Labor day came and put a screeching halt to summertime and now its a high of 56 degrees here, so that is threw me off and that is my excuse.

Yesterday was good, I got to go back to work after being off for 2 days and fill everyone in on the saga that is my life. There is this one guy named, Mike D, who cracks me up, and has been added to my 20something group of guys who crack me up. As I was leaving, I happen to have two pennies in my hand and as I was walking to the door, he asked, "are you leaving me?" I took his hand and put the two pennies in his palm, and said "not without giving you my 2 cents" and walked out. :)

So I have a potential situation that I am not looking forward to dealing with, my manager has been hitting on me and Saturday he gave me his number. Now this is where corporate bars differ from privately owned bars, this is usually against the rules. Dangit! I don't want to date him and I don't want it to be awkward, because he is a cool dude, but he is my manager and no good can come from this.....oh crap I gotta go to work....more to come this evening...

day 45

Today I have decided to celebrate all the people in my life who I love. I sit back and think about all of my friends (and I have a lot just so ya know) and not one of them has lied to me, betrayed me, or deceived me and that is awesome. The only person in my life who has deceived me is my cousin and that is whack! Wow, my cousin, a person who I have become so close to, who I have always been there for completely took my trust and crushed it. I can't be associated with anyone I don't trust, trust is the foundation of any relationship and without it, all bets are off. So enough about the selfish person who I opened my life up to and with no regard for my feelings decided to ruin a bond that no one could ever understand. I have no room for selfishness in my life, so that's a wrap....

My friends and family mean the world to me and without them I have nothing, so I would like to thank ALL of you for making my life better in your own specific way.

In with the good and out with the bad.
Those are the words that Sarah and I used to say at the end of each workout when I used to train her at the gym. I miss those days. So here's is to you Sarah: In with the good and out with the bad.

I am really trying to find the funny in any situation, and I guess the funny part is that I was texting my cousin that I missed Randy and that I had so many things I wanted to say to him and the whole entire time he was sitting right next to her. Hold on here is one of the conversations I had with my cousin after he told me he wanted to take a break:


Brandi: What's wrong?"
me: just bummed
Brandi: have you talked to him?
me: nope not since I sent that text, he never responded, but I didn't expect him to. I told him I would give him space
Brandi: I'm sorry Steph.....how can I make you feel better?
me: I don't know. Have you talked to him by any chance?
Brandi: No. I mean I texted him when I got home cuz he asked me to but not other than that
me: ok, didn't know if you had and further insite
Brandi: Maybe its the divorce stuff, being so quick ya know? I don't know
me: Maybe. Well I will give him his space and see what happens
Brandi: Get back on that site and find another guy!
me: uh negative
Brandi: Why not steph? Get bucked off.....get back on!
me: I don't want any other guy :(
Brandi: All he is is a stupid guy!! There's lots of them out there!
Brandi: I love you!!
me: I love you too cousin

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I just copied that verbatim from my phone! holy crap what a crock of crap! HE WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HER when she was texting me all of that, if that is not funny I don't know what is. GEEEEZ. shocking. Get bucked off???? Really? You stole him!

Ok maybe I am still a little bitter

Day 46, the day I start using titles

So when I started this blog, I swore I was not going to talk about whores or people who have betrayed me. I am only going to talk about the people who matter in my life. When I started this blog, I didn't think I was going to talk about my family members who like to pull Jerry Springer BS and sleep with a guy, who I thought at one point in my life, was my guy. I actaually thought, if you invited your twin cousin down from St. Louis for a fun weekend away from her own drama, that it would in fact, be a fun weekend with no drama. Little did I know that this fun weekend would cost me one cousin and the guy that I had been speaking so kindly about to all my friends.

Normally, when my twin cousin, my blood, my girl, my friend for life, tells me that the same guy I happen to be involved with the week before, may be in love with her, and this past week with him has been amazing, typically I am very happy for her. And on a typical Saturday, when my twin cousin, my blood, my family, my friend for life tells me that she is afraid that I will never speak to her again because she betrayed me, lied to me and made me feel stupid, typically, I would tell her everything will be okay. I have heard that blood is thicker than water, but is betrayal thicker than loyalty? Maybe, when you are in a family, all rules of loyalty do not apply. Maybe, certain twin cousins should get a free pass if they they think a guy is in love with her after two weeks.I think all common decency should go out the window in the name of love. And, if a guy is in love with you one second after he tells your twin cousin that he and her are a "good fit" and "everything happens for a reason" than you should absolutely take advantage of that situation.(I am sure that if you happen to have a boyfriend for the past 2 1/2 years, he will understand too). Why should people be with one person at a time? That is just silly. And why should you settle for one person, when you can have your cousin's boy too? It makes sense, it is a numbers game after all, play the odds I say. Ok then, one day I am going to start a blog that is a sounding board for the people that have done me dirty, until then, I am just gonna keep it simple and write about the people who matter in my life and who will never actually make me say the words, "hey cousin, please don't sleep with my man."

day 45

So I am sitting at my friend Aimee's house, I am watching her 2 dogs and 2 cats for the weekend. I am completely bored. I just got off of a conference call with Patti and Christine, we talk every week on speaker phone and act like I am there with them. Its so nice, but I do miss the live and in person chats, so I am gonna come down there in two weeks for a girls night out.

These dogs are named Sadie and Gracie, I don't know which is which, so I just call them Sadiegracie and hope they answer. I call the cats Grey cat and Brown cat. I don't think they care.

Earlier today I was getting Brandy's kids ready for school, it went like this:

Hey kids, pick out what you want to wear from this pile...
Jacob picked out an outfit and I asked him 3 times if he was sure it matched he said "it matches! why can't you see that?!"

ok sorry.

Jacob then asked me to tape his fingers together cause they hurt in football practice the night before, so I taped them with what I hope was not packing tape. Then I bent over to tie his shoes:

jacob: what are you doing?
me: tying your shoes
jacob: why?
me: cause I know how, why, do you know how?
jacob: why would I not know how to tie my shoes? I am almost nine!!
me: ok sorry

geez louise...tough crowd :)

Day 44

Ok so I am feeling better, bout 78 % better give or take. I have been sitting on the couch writing a country song all afternoon. I have never attempted this before and I have written about a 1/4 of a song in a couple of hours. Check me out in TN untapping all kinds of hidden talents. I thinks it pretty good so far, I just can't come up with the tone, the first two lyrics are low and sad sounding and the chorus is upbeat and funny sounding. Put those sounds together and you have yourself a manic depressive country song.

The song is called "This fits"

I am now helping Jacob study for his Social Studies test. (Brandy had to go out of town for work, so I am playing the sick version of mary poppins) I just told Mason to go stand in the corner for pointing a gun at me and he told that I needed to set the timer first. lol. These kids crack me up.