So apparently driving in reverse on a public street is not a permitted, not a good idea and pretty much frowned upon. I may or may not have missed the entrance of a building and decided a quick little reverse wouldn't hurt anyone, except for my car and except for the car comin in hot from the side. This lady jumped out of her mini van ready to fight! Lighten up lady, it was your choice to drive near me. I was moments away from fleeing the scene as visions of dollar signs danced in my head so I called Brandy to weigh my options while the mean lady called the cops. No one had seen my license plate yet and if Jesse wasn't in the car with me and we weren't trying to pull into the Children's Hospital to see the kidney specialist (just a routine check up) I would have split. Brandy talked me out of it with some sort of felony nonsense. My car is all jacked up, that should be punishment enough.
I told the cop I had to get to a very important appointment, he took my license and said he would come find me on the 4th floor. Jesse and I head into the humongous hospital and road the elevator up to see Dr. Adams. We finally get to the room, check in and settle in for the usual waiting game. Next thing I know, the police are there and I am being questioned in front of everyone with a two-year-old on my hip who has a mullet. All of a sudden the door opens and the mean lady walks in, holy crap, is she stalking me? Nope, there are like 50 floors and 1000 offices and she happens to be on my floor...awkward! It took forever for the Sargent to complete all of his paperwork since everything I gave him had expired. The nurse finally called my name and I told her I would be right with her right after I got done discussing my criminal behavior.
I think I need to take my car in to see if it is in fact a large magnet, some how it has been hit 4 times this year and mostly not my fault. That damn tree limb that flew out the back of a huge truck and hit me while doin 80 down the highway, not my fault. My GPS sent me down the wrong road ,I was forced to turn around and hit that damn mailbox, not my fault. This lady at work backed all up on my front bumper, not my fault. I did hit one of my homeowner's garage doors, totally my fault.
Today, totally my fault. Oh well you win some and hit some.
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Sunday, January 10, 2016
One sense too many
Great just great.....Jesse is seeing ghosts. This is a problem. He woke up in the middle of the night yelling for me, I took him in the living room and we sat on the couch, he looked over and told me a ghost was sitting next to us on the couch and he was a man. Holy creepy we are not excited about this, I stay far away from any paranormal related topics. I don't watch ghost shows and I don't listen to the Bert Show during the week of Halloween because they talk about ghosts and ghost hunters all week. Can kids see what we can't? Am I going to have to watch the Sixth Sense today to see how to handle this situation? I am not sure how credible a witness Jesse is since he just pooped in the tub so we are gonna just ignore his ghosts sightings for now.
The main part of my job is fixing anything still under warranty in people homes which is basically everything for the first year. I am like the lost luggage lady at the airport, I did not lose their luggage nor did I build their home but they gotta yell at someone. Most people would not do well at this job I try to look at it like I get to swoop in on my white Camry and be the hero so I don't mind it. I was over at this house on Friday listening to this couple complain about every inch of their brand new house on the lake, poor babies. This lady was bossing her poor husband around the whole time, "show her this Matt, cross things off the list as you go Matt, open the door Matt!" Haha Doormatt, I so wanted to call him that for the rest of the appointment. People with money kill me, just be happy you get to have this gorgeous roof over your head with built-in bathroom floor heaters and zip it! But without them I would have no job. I should have lots of good material to report and just pray no one figures out I have a blog and that they are on blast. This one lady refuses to let me fix the chip in her granite island until I allow her to pour boiling water over a glob of the epoxy we plan to use to see if it "breaks down." Um what? Are you planning water boarding your counter top with boiling water on the regular? I have tons of stories from my last job as well, on my last day I witnessed one of the builders threaten the life of one of our painters. He told him he wanted to drag him outside, beat him and let him bleed out. This guy is fresh out of the military and has some small anger issues mixed with psychotic tendencies so I was pretty happy about it being my last day. They didn't even fire him, apparently death threats are not grounds for immediate dismissal.
Ok time for me to go watch the Channing Tatum lip sinc competition for the 5th time. Until next time...
The main part of my job is fixing anything still under warranty in people homes which is basically everything for the first year. I am like the lost luggage lady at the airport, I did not lose their luggage nor did I build their home but they gotta yell at someone. Most people would not do well at this job I try to look at it like I get to swoop in on my white Camry and be the hero so I don't mind it. I was over at this house on Friday listening to this couple complain about every inch of their brand new house on the lake, poor babies. This lady was bossing her poor husband around the whole time, "show her this Matt, cross things off the list as you go Matt, open the door Matt!" Haha Doormatt, I so wanted to call him that for the rest of the appointment. People with money kill me, just be happy you get to have this gorgeous roof over your head with built-in bathroom floor heaters and zip it! But without them I would have no job. I should have lots of good material to report and just pray no one figures out I have a blog and that they are on blast. This one lady refuses to let me fix the chip in her granite island until I allow her to pour boiling water over a glob of the epoxy we plan to use to see if it "breaks down." Um what? Are you planning water boarding your counter top with boiling water on the regular? I have tons of stories from my last job as well, on my last day I witnessed one of the builders threaten the life of one of our painters. He told him he wanted to drag him outside, beat him and let him bleed out. This guy is fresh out of the military and has some small anger issues mixed with psychotic tendencies so I was pretty happy about it being my last day. They didn't even fire him, apparently death threats are not grounds for immediate dismissal.
Ok time for me to go watch the Channing Tatum lip sinc competition for the 5th time. Until next time...
Thursday, January 7, 2016
its all about routine
SO when I said in tune in tomorrow I meant the next time my brain is somewhat active, this is me not committing to the day to day blog (but I will try).
I just got done washing 4 pans, our microwave broke the other day, so I am having to live like a cave man and heat up stuff in pans on this thing they call a stove. Me no likey but I am embracing the simplicity of the olden days. My days are way different then they used to be, I have so much to catch ya'll up on, I'm not quite sure where to begin. Lets start with my job, I got a new job (we are all shocked) it started in November after working for a home builder for the past year and a half I went to another builder and my life has improved! I am no longer 1 hour from work I now have the office 5 minutes down the road and I mostly work out of my house! I have an office in my bedroom and I gotta say its not easy. I thought it would be so awesome, but there are a lotta distractions and well I may need some supervision. I have gotten a lot better at it, I ignore the all the voices, TV...watch me, laundry.. fold me, shiny ball... look at me. I've gotten a lot better at being a house work horse, mostly because I don't want to lose this gig and the homeowners are getting demanding. I am over 5 neighborhoods, I do all the inspections and fix all the problems. I've only been here a month and a half and yesterday they gave me a bonus, wahoo! Microwave what? New car seat what? The days of blowing it on myself are long gone. Sunny is only 9 months and has already outgrown her car seat. Her dad is 6' 6"and I keep picturing this amazon lady taking over the world one day. She just started crawling which means she is never where I left her which means one more thing to keep track of, is there a "find my baby" app?
Well that is all for today, I must get up early for my geriatric yoga class. I like to surround with myself with the elderly at the gym, it makes me feel good about myself, except when they school me on some push-ups. I did manage to get a 5 day a week workout routine under my belt, so that's awesome. I am so tired of my belly looking like a butt when I bend over and I really hate that I am currently wearing maternity leggings, well actually they are not so bad. I am gonna be skinny again damnit, maybe not skinny but definitely not fat.
I just got done washing 4 pans, our microwave broke the other day, so I am having to live like a cave man and heat up stuff in pans on this thing they call a stove. Me no likey but I am embracing the simplicity of the olden days. My days are way different then they used to be, I have so much to catch ya'll up on, I'm not quite sure where to begin. Lets start with my job, I got a new job (we are all shocked) it started in November after working for a home builder for the past year and a half I went to another builder and my life has improved! I am no longer 1 hour from work I now have the office 5 minutes down the road and I mostly work out of my house! I have an office in my bedroom and I gotta say its not easy. I thought it would be so awesome, but there are a lotta distractions and well I may need some supervision. I have gotten a lot better at it, I ignore the all the voices, TV...watch me, laundry.. fold me, shiny ball... look at me. I've gotten a lot better at being a house work horse, mostly because I don't want to lose this gig and the homeowners are getting demanding. I am over 5 neighborhoods, I do all the inspections and fix all the problems. I've only been here a month and a half and yesterday they gave me a bonus, wahoo! Microwave what? New car seat what? The days of blowing it on myself are long gone. Sunny is only 9 months and has already outgrown her car seat. Her dad is 6' 6"and I keep picturing this amazon lady taking over the world one day. She just started crawling which means she is never where I left her which means one more thing to keep track of, is there a "find my baby" app?
Well that is all for today, I must get up early for my geriatric yoga class. I like to surround with myself with the elderly at the gym, it makes me feel good about myself, except when they school me on some push-ups. I did manage to get a 5 day a week workout routine under my belt, so that's awesome. I am so tired of my belly looking like a butt when I bend over and I really hate that I am currently wearing maternity leggings, well actually they are not so bad. I am gonna be skinny again damnit, maybe not skinny but definitely not fat.
Monday, January 4, 2016
defrost time (taking the blog off ice)
What UP! I am back, I think, I'm gonna give it a whirl any way...I figure that me spreading diaper rash cream all over my legs earlier was worthy of starting this puppy up again and throwing some suspect parenting moments out into the universe. We can start with my patience, it could use some work (all my patience are spoken for and on reserve for the moments when I am face to face with a 9 month old and a 2 year old) so when I go in to Baby's R US to pick up some sunglasses for Jesse on his 2nd birthday I could of easily caused a scene. During minute 13 of my line standing activity I am watching the cashier wonder around aimlessly looking for a price tag she could use for the tub that the lady in front of me wanted to buy. By minute 15, I decided not to verbalize my distaste for standing there like an idiot, I slapped $5 on the counter for my $3.99 glasses and walked out like a boss. Wood didn't really seem all that impressed so I told the neighbor my story and she was like "good for you for laying the price tag on the counter with some money, nothing wrong with that!" Um I didn't think to leave the price tag behind. Long story short, I straight up stole my son's birthday present. I am itching like a maniac, I have a rash that has gone viral on my legs and I can't take it anymore, I am gonna go figure out what to do besides scratch the crap out of them, Tune in tomorrow and we can go over more questionable antics.
(be patient my mo-jo is still a little rusty)
(be patient my mo-jo is still a little rusty)
Friday, May 23, 2014
Mother in the house!
YO YO YO!! I finally feel the juices back in my brain, things are starting to pop in my head that I wanna report so...here goes nothing. I've been asked a few times when I am going to start blogging again and I seriously couldn't picture it while juggling my day to day TV watching/feedings but since I slept walked the other night I feel the need to plant this picture in everyone's head, so the time is now.
Every night before I go to bed I fill my 25 oz. Bubba Thermos with ice water and lay it by my bed. I haven't been sleeping all that well, until this night, my body finally gave in and I went into a deep coma sleep. Well apparently while sleeping, I reached over to the night stand, unscrewed the top of the Bubba and dumped the entire 25 ounces of ice water in the bed, then walked to the linen closet to get sheets. I am still sleeping but can hear Wood hopping up out of a dead sleep and yelling "what in the hell is going on?!?!?" He finds me standing at the foot of the bed (in the creepiest way possible) with a pile of clean sheets in my hand. What?!! Good morning! What happened?! Not sure. After the shock wore off and I woke up, we got the ice cubes out of the bed and changed the sheets, pillows and bedspread. I have no idea what happened, I need to be put in a test tube and studied when it comes to my sleeping antics.
The last time we were all together I decided to have a baby the next day. So here I am 4 months later still wingin it.
I had a baby boy named Jesse Brooks Caldwell 8lb 3 oz. via C section with minimal scarring. He was born with a full head of hair, blue eyes and a funny smirk on his face. Wood was in the delivery room with me watching the whole thing go down. He went from not wanting to be in the room for fear of disgusting things scarring him for life to being the token comedian right by my side. At first he pictured himself in the waiting room full of guys and a box of cigars waiting on me to be wheeled out with a baby in my arms...um no. I was laying there telling the doctor that he was scared he was going faint, so Wood took that as a dare, looked over the blue curtain and watched the whole thing. He saw my guts and a doctor elbow deep inside of me, I mean people do say you should get to know someone on the inside, mission accomplished. I was laying there not knowing what was going on, all I knew was that I was starving and the smell of my own skin burning as they cauterized my stomach smelled delicious. Wood was making the whole place laugh the entire time, cracking up the doctor as he pulled Jesse out, I think it was his announcement that the baby was black that got the biggest laugh. Hahahoho real funny. So now I have this baby. I spent the entire first day of being a mom drugged up, throwing up and passing out (kinda like my college days). After I had the baby and other people could come in and see me, Wood stepped out for a quick celebratory drink since his favorite bar was conveniently across the street. I was so out of it, I remember Brandy putting her hand on my stitches so they wouldn't pop while I puked over and over again, while she held Jesse, what a trooper. People were in and out all day, my folks were coming up the following morning so it was time to wind down and relax. Wood and I finally got settled, I was laying there itching from all the meds, Wood hands me a freshly wrapped baby, he lays down on his fold-out couch that is not meant for a 6' 7" dude and closes his eyes. I am sitting there all alone trying to hold him. It didn't take me long to fumble him around until he was unwrapped and crying, it was then I realized that I never really held a newborn for more than five minutes without supervision. Ok made it through the first day, I got this.....
Every night before I go to bed I fill my 25 oz. Bubba Thermos with ice water and lay it by my bed. I haven't been sleeping all that well, until this night, my body finally gave in and I went into a deep coma sleep. Well apparently while sleeping, I reached over to the night stand, unscrewed the top of the Bubba and dumped the entire 25 ounces of ice water in the bed, then walked to the linen closet to get sheets. I am still sleeping but can hear Wood hopping up out of a dead sleep and yelling "what in the hell is going on?!?!?" He finds me standing at the foot of the bed (in the creepiest way possible) with a pile of clean sheets in my hand. What?!! Good morning! What happened?! Not sure. After the shock wore off and I woke up, we got the ice cubes out of the bed and changed the sheets, pillows and bedspread. I have no idea what happened, I need to be put in a test tube and studied when it comes to my sleeping antics.
The last time we were all together I decided to have a baby the next day. So here I am 4 months later still wingin it.
I had a baby boy named Jesse Brooks Caldwell 8lb 3 oz. via C section with minimal scarring. He was born with a full head of hair, blue eyes and a funny smirk on his face. Wood was in the delivery room with me watching the whole thing go down. He went from not wanting to be in the room for fear of disgusting things scarring him for life to being the token comedian right by my side. At first he pictured himself in the waiting room full of guys and a box of cigars waiting on me to be wheeled out with a baby in my arms...um no. I was laying there telling the doctor that he was scared he was going faint, so Wood took that as a dare, looked over the blue curtain and watched the whole thing. He saw my guts and a doctor elbow deep inside of me, I mean people do say you should get to know someone on the inside, mission accomplished. I was laying there not knowing what was going on, all I knew was that I was starving and the smell of my own skin burning as they cauterized my stomach smelled delicious. Wood was making the whole place laugh the entire time, cracking up the doctor as he pulled Jesse out, I think it was his announcement that the baby was black that got the biggest laugh. Hahahoho real funny. So now I have this baby. I spent the entire first day of being a mom drugged up, throwing up and passing out (kinda like my college days). After I had the baby and other people could come in and see me, Wood stepped out for a quick celebratory drink since his favorite bar was conveniently across the street. I was so out of it, I remember Brandy putting her hand on my stitches so they wouldn't pop while I puked over and over again, while she held Jesse, what a trooper. People were in and out all day, my folks were coming up the following morning so it was time to wind down and relax. Wood and I finally got settled, I was laying there itching from all the meds, Wood hands me a freshly wrapped baby, he lays down on his fold-out couch that is not meant for a 6' 7" dude and closes his eyes. I am sitting there all alone trying to hold him. It didn't take me long to fumble him around until he was unwrapped and crying, it was then I realized that I never really held a newborn for more than five minutes without supervision. Ok made it through the first day, I got this.....
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
hot digity dog its NYE!
So I have been trying to figure out what in the heck to
write about besides the fact that I can no longer fit into a booth at Waffle
House and my stomach now doubles as a yolk catcher during the times I wolf down
All-star breakfasts. I feel like I am carrying around a 50 lb. bag of cement
with arms. I went to the doc today and I am not even close to being ready to
roll and I will be 40 weeks in 3 days. The good news is that doc won’t let me
go past 41 weeks, so there is a light at the end of the birth canal.
I’m reflecting on this past year and the giant curve balls I
threw myself. I just read the post from
a year ago today. “Let’s end the year Wright” That was a year ago? EEEEWWW and
YUCK! The post mentioned that I found the guy who has everything I’ve been
looking for. WHAT in the HELL was I smoking??I look back and it kind of grosses
me out to be honest. I know he was a nice guy but all I can think about was his
disgusting antics and how desperate I must have been to sit around a year ago
today with Brandy and plan our wedding. So to correct myself, he was not the
person who had everything I was looking for, actually I have that guy now and
there is quite a big difference.
I read the post on New Year’s Day last year; it’s pretty funny.
I said “I have big plans for this year.” Boy was that the understatement of the year. I
went from dreaming of a country wedding, to meeting Wood, to becoming pregnant,
to getting a new job, to moving to the burbs, to getting fired, to becoming a
very large and lame homemaker…. next stop….Mommy town! CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN!
My NYE plans this
year include trying out the old lady next door’s hot dog toaster that she got
for Christmas. I’m serious, Wood is on his way home and this is our plan,
hopefully things won’t get too out of hand.
Well Happy New Year to you and yours!!
Thursday, December 12, 2013
strong shoulders carry big weights
They say that God will never give you more than you can handle, well God must think that I'm a bad ass!!
I am facing yet another minor obstacle, they denied my unemployment. I am not at liberty to discuss the reasons why at this time but I will point out the fact that my income, as of right now, is null and void. This would be the moment that I would normally drag my butt out on the pavement and start handing out resumes to pretty much anyone. But the fact I am a Wheedle Wobble and my strongest skill right now is trying not to tip over, I just don't know if there is a market for that right now. The percentage of people hiring folks that will be absent the first 6-8 weeks due to life giving obligations is probably low. So long story short I will be eating some berries off of the holly bush for breakfast and hit the samples at the food court in the mall for lunch. Merry Christmas!
All will be fine, because it has to be fine, I am an eternal broke ass with a positive attitude. Everyone around me (Quarter and Whitey) are very supportive, and everyone not around me cause they have jobs are being very supportive as well so that helps. I find myself in a familiar and very unfamiliar situation at the same time, this should be interesting. If I don't blog for a few weeks after this it means they have turned off my cable and internet and I am busy counting my teeth with my tongue. Merry Christmas!
I am facing yet another minor obstacle, they denied my unemployment. I am not at liberty to discuss the reasons why at this time but I will point out the fact that my income, as of right now, is null and void. This would be the moment that I would normally drag my butt out on the pavement and start handing out resumes to pretty much anyone. But the fact I am a Wheedle Wobble and my strongest skill right now is trying not to tip over, I just don't know if there is a market for that right now. The percentage of people hiring folks that will be absent the first 6-8 weeks due to life giving obligations is probably low. So long story short I will be eating some berries off of the holly bush for breakfast and hit the samples at the food court in the mall for lunch. Merry Christmas!
All will be fine, because it has to be fine, I am an eternal broke ass with a positive attitude. Everyone around me (Quarter and Whitey) are very supportive, and everyone not around me cause they have jobs are being very supportive as well so that helps. I find myself in a familiar and very unfamiliar situation at the same time, this should be interesting. If I don't blog for a few weeks after this it means they have turned off my cable and internet and I am busy counting my teeth with my tongue. Merry Christmas!
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