today's dictionary

The definition of panic: the moment you realize you are in the family locker room at the gym after you take your shirt off

The definition of stupid: when you are driving down the highway and you hear a sound of what seems like a leak and its spewing everywhere under the hood. You finally get to an exit to jump out, pop the hood, freak out, and nothing. You get back in the car and realize its your economy sized aerosol hairspray can smashed against something in your middle console.

The definition of a lunatic: the moment your one-year-old is choking on something and your version of the Heimlich is to scream in the baby's face until she throws it up (it worked)

The definition of good luck: the day you knock on a homeowner's door and a bird pops up out of a nest located on the wreath. It scares the crap out of you and then you scare the crap out of it...all over your leg

The definition of ridiculous: an angry homeowner violating the English language by misusing and over using the word "hence"

The definition of a insanity: thinking that one day you will become sane.

All in all, a crazy couple of months HENCE me not blogging. I hope to start it up again starting now, at least once a month .....time will tell.

losing it!

I worry about myself I really do. In total I have spent $622 in lost key fees this year. I finally lost my 3rd and final set of keys on Friday. They are here at my house along with the other two sets, I drove here so they are here. I looked for the standard 3 days before finally giving in (only because I had to go to work ) and called the oh so powerful locksmith. I blame Jesse, he must me throwing them in the garbage or down a vent or eating them, I can't take it anymore and its too soon to joke about it, the sting still hurts from signing away my bonus to the creepy guy standing in my doorway holding a fresh new key. This happened Monday, today is Tuesday, the day I drove 30 minutes to the wrong neighborhood instead of driving 10 minutes to the correct neighborhood and now I can't find my wallet.

Ok, that is all for now, I must get some rest so I can wake up early and lose something while driving the wrong way.

awesome apple

OHMYGOSH! Wood and I had a small party last weekend for Jesse and my birthday. It 65 degrees, sunny and a great time had by all. What I just learned goes something like this.....I ventured to dress up a little and by dress up I mean jeans and high heels and by high heels I mean chunky 3 inch lace up ankle boots. This may be the first time I have ever worn elevated shoes in front of Wood (mostly because I've been pregnant ever since I've know him) and I never wear heels regardless. So on Saturday I strut outside and he just told me that he and Heather were watching and waiting for me to turn around to see if I had an Adam's Apple. Well screw them both! I definitely get that I am not exactly an expert in fashion or being a girly girl. I get that I have walked in heels maybe twice in my 39 years but geez give a sister a break. Apparently I look like a dude in heels, maybe I will call RuPaul for some tips. So after I laughed it off and pouted a little and swore off anything not flip floppy, Wood offered to buy me some stilettos of his choice to practice and a pedicure. Well alright lets do it, make me into a girl. I mean after I went back to Kroger today to pick up the groceries I left at the register the day before (imitation crab meat, string cheese and fish sticks) I deserve a break, a pedicure and a "how to be a girl starter kit" let the pointy shoe shopping begin!

a couple of yanks and two presses

I think that there are two things that people should do at least once in their lives, wait tables and accidentally try to get into not your car. I've done both and both have taken other people by surprise. I used to take a food order of a 6 top without writing it down and not miss a beat or a side, I have also tried to unlock and get into other people's cars while they watched. Usually when I am done with an appointment,I walk out of a homeowner's home, try to get the hell out of there before they notice that their shutters are falling off and sometimes I mistake a white Acura for a white Camry, it happens. I love it when the owner of the car is just watching to see what happens. "Not my car!" I say. "Don't tell anyone!" I yell. This actually happened today and a few months ago at my last job. I had a rental (for one reason or another) and my co-worker literally had the same exact car. I walk outside of the construction trailer, another co-worker is behind me and I am on the phone. I grab my keys out of my pocket and proceed to click the button several times while yanking on the handle several times and nothing is happening except for the car directly behind me is blinking on and off diligently. After another few presses and a couple more yanks, my co-workers yells out, that's not your car Baswell! I turn around and he is doubled over laughing and I yell "don't tell anyone!" Well he didn't listen and this guy not knowing my nickname calls me Spazwell, he just guessed my name after spending two days with me. I have actually done this in a Target parking lot as I pointed my remote at a trunk of the car and the one in back of my opens up. This must be a common problem, I think everyone does it from time to time, yes they do yes they do.

hocus focus

Well its official I had to enter my age into the elliptical at the gym this morning and it hit me that I have exactly 364 days left in my 30s. This year I'm gonna focus on being focused and my tunnel vision is gonna narrow in on my one goal...don't turn 40 fat. Last year I had a child, got married, got a new job, had a birthday for a one-year-old and I washed my car. My only goal this year is to get back into the jeans that once fell off of me. I just want to button them, oh and look smoking hot in a bathing suit. If I can accomplish that one thing I will feel complete. Actually I should probably also change my name at some point. I've been married for 6 months and I am still a Baswell. This is a huge undertaking that is intimidating the crap out of me. Going to the DMV, the Social Security Office, calling the bank, the gym, my HR office, changing my Facebook, my email, my credit card, my car, all my bills, and any other sucker who knows my name is gonna suck!

 I am not sure if its my age but my ADD is getting really bad, really really bad. I seriously almost left the bathroom today mid-stream because my brain literally was ready to change tasks. It was at that moment I realized I needed help. If there is anything in this world I need to focus on long enough to complete without starting a new project, its any bathroom transaction. I literally just sent Jesse to get a book out of his room and he came out empty handed like he forgot what he was doing, oh crap, its contagious. I reminded him he was supposed to get a book, he went back in there and came out with a huge truck in his arms. The struggle is real.

Toddler problems are real, Jesse threw a fit the other day because he realized that the TV screen is not a touch screen and he can't just pick a cartoon with his finger tip. I used to through a fit when the aluminum fell off the rabbit ears. These times, they are a changin.

Ok I must go to bed and dream about Adderol, maybe then I will wake up ready to complete thought in a timely manner.

add water, rinse and repeat

I've got some material ready to roll...but I'm saving it for later. Right now I must concentrate on 39 years ago. Something shifted 39 years ago today, a girl was born and I have no idea how to spell her last name. We like her, she is good people, she shows up, she has her uniforms (that one outfit that looks great that she can wear 5 days a week and no one would ever know since she is never in the same spot for more that 5 seconds). She is the person who still knows how to place a stamp on an envelope. She's the girl who would trade everything thing she's ever worked for in her life for one day with her family. She has it all and has no idea because she is blinded by happiness. She will buy a brand new BMW the same day she created more shampoo by adding water to the bottom of the bottle. In our world, silence is the sound of laughter, the sound you make when you can't breathe. Talking to her is my happy place. Happy Birthday Sarah D. I am so glad I know you.

expectations suck

One of the neighborhoods that I work out of is called Fairvue Plantation, it used be an actual plantation back in the day. One of the ladies found this out from a brief conversation we had after our body sculpting class. She is a 67-year-old white lady who is a huge advocate of black history, specifically slavery. She now thinks that I share her passion to spread slave awareness and share her thirst for historical knowledge because I happen to work out of this neighborhood. After each class, the close talker tells me the tales of the slave traders about an inch away from my face and I just nod and smile. I get to hear about the top slave traders and where they got the best deal and the most bang for their buck. Sure she can throw some historical facts in my brain and see what sticks but I definitely don't picture myself hunkering down to read the 30 page article she printed out for me to read. I'll probably read it just because it wouldn't hurt to read something...anything.

It was girl's night out for this working mom on Friday night! When my newly single wild friend designated her Friday night to me, I was like oh hell yes we are about to get crazy! She is only 30- years-old and so much fun. She has a one bedroom apartment in downtown Nashville after an 8 year relationship and its all I can do to contain my excitement for her and her new life. She should be excited about some good times comin up, doin it on her own and I really hope she has the same insane ride I did.

I got to her apartment, we cought up on the latest gossip and we head out to the trendiest Mexican restaurant in town. After a couple of margaritas and some dinner, she was ready to head to the barn. WHAT?! NOOOOOOO!!! She had to work in the morning and I have Wood at home watching the kids. I am like ready to star in a "Moms Gone Wild" video and we are going home? I have been storing up hall passes in my back pocket for the past year and we are going home?  Dangit that's what I get for having expectations for blog material. I got home and Wood even looked disappointed for me. I had taken the car seats out, had packed a bag but was home for the 11 o'clock news. Wood said I smelled like a dude. I had put Jamie's perfume on after I doused myself with her hair thickener, I love it when they disguise hair products in perfume bottles.

I drive a magnet

So apparently driving in reverse on a public street is not a permitted, not a good idea and pretty much frowned upon. I may or may not have missed the entrance of a building and decided a quick little reverse wouldn't hurt anyone, except for my car and except for the car comin in hot from the side. This lady jumped out of her mini van ready to fight!  Lighten up lady, it was your choice to drive near me. I was moments away from fleeing the scene as visions of dollar signs danced in my head so I called Brandy to weigh my options while the mean lady called the cops. No one had seen my license plate yet and if Jesse wasn't in the car with me and we weren't trying to pull into the Children's Hospital to see the kidney specialist (just a routine check up) I would have split. Brandy talked me out of it with some sort of felony nonsense. My car is all jacked up, that should be punishment enough.

 I told the cop I had to get to a very important appointment, he took my license and said he would come find me on the 4th floor. Jesse and I head into the humongous hospital and road the elevator up to see Dr. Adams. We finally get to the room, check in and settle in for the usual waiting game. Next thing I know, the police are there and I am being questioned in front of everyone with a two-year-old on my hip who has a mullet. All of a sudden the door opens and the mean lady walks in, holy crap, is she stalking me? Nope, there are like 50 floors and 1000 offices and she happens to be on my floor...awkward!  It took forever for the Sargent to complete all of his paperwork since everything I gave him had expired. The nurse finally called my name and I told her I would be right with her right after I got done discussing my criminal behavior.

I think I need to take my car in to see if it is in fact a large magnet, some how it has been hit 4 times this year and mostly not my fault. That damn tree limb that flew out the back of a huge truck and hit me while doin 80 down the highway, not my fault. My GPS sent me down the wrong road ,I was forced to turn around and hit that damn mailbox, not my fault. This lady at work backed all up on my front bumper, not my fault. I did hit one of my homeowner's garage doors, totally my fault.
Today, totally my fault. Oh well you win some and hit some.

One sense too many

Great just great.....Jesse is seeing ghosts. This is a problem. He woke up in the middle of the night yelling for me, I took him in the living room and we sat on the couch, he looked over and told me a ghost was sitting next to us on the couch and he was a man. Holy creepy we are not excited about this, I stay far away from any paranormal related topics. I don't watch ghost shows and I don't listen to the Bert Show during the week of Halloween because they talk about ghosts and ghost hunters all week. Can kids see what we can't? Am I going to have to watch the Sixth Sense today to see how to handle this situation? I am not sure how credible a witness Jesse is since he just pooped in the tub so we are gonna just ignore his ghosts sightings for now.

The main part of my job is fixing anything still under warranty in people homes which is basically everything for the first year. I am like the lost luggage lady at the airport, I did not lose their luggage nor did I build their home but they gotta yell at someone. Most people would not do well at this job I try to look at it like I get to swoop in on my white Camry and be the hero so I don't mind it. I was over at this house on Friday listening to this couple complain about every inch of their brand new house on the lake, poor babies. This lady was bossing her poor husband around the whole time, "show her this Matt, cross things off the list as you go Matt, open the door Matt!" Haha Doormatt, I so wanted to call him that for the rest of the appointment. People with money kill me, just be happy you get to have this gorgeous roof over your head with built-in bathroom floor heaters and zip it! But without them I would have no job. I should have lots of good material to report and just pray no one figures out I have a blog and that they are on blast. This one lady refuses to let me fix the chip in her granite island until I allow her to pour boiling water over a glob of the epoxy we plan to use to see if it "breaks down." Um what? Are you planning water boarding your counter top with boiling water on the regular? I have tons of stories from my last job as well, on my last day I witnessed one of the builders threaten the life of one of our painters. He told him he wanted to drag him outside, beat him and let him bleed out. This guy is fresh out of the military and has some small anger issues mixed with psychotic tendencies so I was pretty happy about it being my last day. They didn't even fire him, apparently death threats are not grounds for immediate dismissal.

Ok time for me to go watch the Channing Tatum lip sinc competition for the 5th time. Until next time...

its all about routine

SO when I said in tune in tomorrow I meant the next time my brain is somewhat active, this is me not committing to the day to day blog (but I will try).

 I just got done washing 4 pans, our microwave broke the other day, so I am having to live like a cave man and heat up stuff in pans on this thing they call a stove. Me no likey but I am embracing the simplicity of the olden days. My days are way different then they used to be, I have so much to catch ya'll up on, I'm not quite sure where to begin. Lets start with my job, I got a new job (we are all shocked) it started in November after working for a home builder for the past year and a half I went to another builder and my life has improved! I am no longer 1 hour from work I now have the office 5 minutes down the road and I mostly work out of my house! I have an office in my bedroom and I gotta say its not easy. I thought it would be so awesome, but there are a lotta distractions and well I may need some supervision. I have gotten a lot better at it, I ignore the all the voices, TV...watch me, laundry.. fold me, shiny ball... look at me. I've gotten a lot better at being a house work horse, mostly because I don't want to lose this gig and the homeowners are getting demanding. I am over 5 neighborhoods, I  do all the inspections and fix all the problems. I've only been here a month and a half and yesterday they gave me a bonus, wahoo! Microwave what? New car seat what? The days of blowing it on myself are long gone. Sunny is only 9 months and has already outgrown her car seat. Her dad is 6' 6"and I keep picturing this amazon lady taking over the world one day. She just started crawling which means she is never where I left her which means one more thing to keep track of, is there a "find my baby" app?

Well that is all for today, I must get up early for my geriatric yoga class. I like to surround with myself with the elderly at the gym, it makes me feel good about myself, except when they school me on some push-ups. I did manage to get a 5 day a week workout routine under my belt, so that's awesome. I am so tired of my belly looking like a butt when I bend over and I really hate that I am currently wearing maternity leggings, well actually they are not so bad. I am gonna be skinny again damnit, maybe not skinny but definitely not fat.

defrost time (taking the blog off ice)

What UP! I am back, I think, I'm gonna give it a whirl any way...I figure that me spreading diaper rash cream all over my legs earlier was worthy of starting this puppy up again and throwing some suspect parenting moments out into the universe. We can start with my patience, it could use some work (all my patience are spoken for and on reserve for the moments when I am face to face with a 9 month old and a 2 year old)  so when I go in to Baby's R US to pick up some sunglasses for Jesse on his 2nd birthday I could of easily caused a scene. During minute 13 of my line standing activity I am watching the cashier wonder around aimlessly looking for a price tag she could use for the tub that the lady in front of me wanted to buy. By minute 15, I decided not to verbalize my distaste for standing there like an idiot, I slapped $5 on the counter for my $3.99 glasses and walked out like a boss. Wood didn't really seem all that impressed so I told the neighbor my story and she was like "good for you for laying the price tag on the counter with some money, nothing wrong with that!" Um I didn't think to leave the price tag behind. Long story short, I straight up stole my son's birthday present. I am itching like a maniac, I have a rash that has gone viral on my legs and I can't take it anymore, I am gonna go figure out what to do besides scratch the crap out of them, Tune in tomorrow and we can go over more questionable antics.


(be patient my mo-jo is still a little rusty)

Mother in the house!

YO YO YO!! I finally feel the juices back in my brain, things are starting to pop in my head that I wanna report so...here goes nothing. I've been asked a few times when I am going to start blogging again and I seriously couldn't picture it while juggling my day to day TV watching/feedings but since I slept walked the other night I feel the  need to plant this picture in everyone's head, so the time is now.

Every night before I go to bed I fill my 25 oz. Bubba Thermos with ice water and lay it by my bed. I haven't been sleeping all that well, until this night, my body finally gave in and I went into a deep coma sleep. Well apparently while sleeping, I reached over to the night stand, unscrewed the top of the Bubba and dumped the entire 25 ounces of ice water in the bed, then walked to the linen closet to get sheets. I am still sleeping but can hear Wood hopping up out of a dead sleep and yelling "what in the hell is going on?!?!?" He finds me standing at the foot of the bed (in the creepiest way possible) with a pile of clean sheets in my hand. What?!! Good morning! What happened?!  Not sure. After the shock wore off and I woke up, we got the ice cubes out of the bed and changed the sheets, pillows and bedspread. I have no idea what happened, I need to be put in a test tube and studied when it comes to my sleeping antics.

The last time we were all together I decided to have a baby the next day. So here I am 4 months later still wingin it.

I had a baby boy named Jesse Brooks Caldwell 8lb 3 oz. via C section with minimal scarring. He was born with a full head of hair, blue eyes and a funny smirk on his face. Wood was in the delivery room with me watching the whole thing go down. He went from not wanting to be in the room for fear of disgusting things scarring him for life to being the token comedian right by my side. At first he pictured himself in the waiting room full of guys and a box of cigars waiting on me to be wheeled out with a baby in my arms...um no. I was laying there telling the doctor that he was scared he was going faint, so Wood took that as a dare, looked over the blue curtain and watched the whole thing. He saw my guts and a doctor elbow deep inside of me, I mean people do say you should get to know someone on the inside, mission accomplished. I was laying there not knowing what was going on, all I knew was that I was starving and the smell of my own skin burning as they cauterized my stomach smelled delicious. Wood was making the whole place laugh the entire time, cracking up the doctor as he pulled Jesse out, I think it was his announcement that the baby was black that got the biggest laugh. Hahahoho real funny. So now I have this baby. I spent the entire first day of being a mom drugged up, throwing up and passing out (kinda like my college days). After I had the baby and other people could come in and see me, Wood stepped out for a quick celebratory drink since his favorite bar was conveniently across the street. I was so out of it,  I remember Brandy putting her hand on my stitches so they wouldn't pop while I puked over and over again, while she held Jesse, what a trooper. People were in and out all day, my folks were coming up the following morning so it was time to wind down and relax. Wood and I finally got settled, I was laying there itching from all the meds, Wood hands me a freshly wrapped baby, he lays down on his fold-out couch that is not meant for a 6' 7" dude and closes his eyes. I am sitting there all alone trying to hold him. It didn't take me long to fumble him around until he was unwrapped and crying, it was then I realized that I never really held a newborn for more than five minutes without supervision. Ok made it through the first day, I got this.....

hot digity dog its NYE!

So I have been trying to figure out what in the heck to write about besides the fact that I can no longer fit into a booth at Waffle House and my stomach now doubles as a yolk catcher during the times I wolf down All-star breakfasts. I feel like I am carrying around a 50 lb. bag of cement with arms. I went to the doc today and I am not even close to being ready to roll and I will be 40 weeks in 3 days. The good news is that doc won’t let me go past 41 weeks, so there is a light at the end of the birth canal.

I’m reflecting on this past year and the giant curve balls I threw myself.  I just read the post from a year ago today. “Let’s end the year Wright” That was a year ago? EEEEWWW and YUCK! The post mentioned that I found the guy who has everything I’ve been looking for. WHAT in the HELL was I smoking??I look back and it kind of grosses me out to be honest. I know he was a nice guy but all I can think about was his disgusting antics and how desperate I must have been to sit around a year ago today with Brandy and plan our wedding. So to correct myself, he was not the person who had everything I was looking for, actually I have that guy now and there is quite a big difference.

I read the post on New Year’s Day last year; it’s pretty funny. I said “I have big plans for this year.”  Boy was that the understatement of the year. I went from dreaming of a country wedding, to meeting Wood, to becoming pregnant, to getting a new job, to moving to the burbs, to getting fired, to becoming a very large and lame homemaker…. next stop….Mommy town!  CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA  I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN!

 My NYE plans this year include trying out the old lady next door’s hot dog toaster that she got for Christmas. I’m serious, Wood is on his way home and this is our plan, hopefully things won’t get too out of hand.

Well Happy New Year to you and yours!!

 

 

 

strong shoulders carry big weights

They say that God will never give you more than you can handle, well God must think that I'm a bad ass!!

I am facing yet another minor obstacle, they denied my unemployment. I am not at liberty to discuss the reasons why at this time but I will point out the fact that my income, as of right now, is null and void. This would be the moment that I would normally drag my butt out on the pavement and start handing out resumes to pretty much anyone. But the fact I am a Wheedle Wobble and my strongest skill right now is trying not to tip over, I just don't know if there is a market for that right now. The percentage of people hiring folks that will be absent the first 6-8 weeks due to life giving obligations is probably low. So long story short I will be eating some berries off of the holly bush for breakfast and hit the samples at the food court in the mall for lunch. Merry Christmas!

All will be fine, because it has to be fine, I am an eternal broke ass with a positive attitude. Everyone around me (Quarter and Whitey) are very supportive, and everyone not around me cause they have jobs are being very supportive as well so that helps. I find myself in a familiar and very unfamiliar situation at the same time, this should be interesting. If I don't blog for a few weeks after this it means they have turned off my cable and internet and I am busy counting my teeth with my tongue. Merry Christmas!

bored

I am so bored!!!!!!!! Its nasty and raining and cold and I have nothing to do but sit here and wait to give birth. I now hate the TV and I don't have a good book to read. Today marks the 36th week I have been knocked up and they say I could go at any minute. So now I think every step I take, every move I make a baby may fall out. I find myself really concerned about the signs of labor. How will I know? When will I know? Will I freak out? I've been taking a survey from some of my friends on how they knew when they were in labor and everyone is different! No help at all, some say you'll just know, well I am hoping that is the case. I'll probably blame it on gas and go about my day.

I had a great Thanksgiving weekend last weekend, had more than I could handle going on, this weekend I got nothing and I may go crazy. Over the course of the weekend we had 6 obligations, including Marybeth's Aunt house. It was so gooooood to see you girl! Its been a while since I have seen a familiar face up in these parts. I got to sit around with MB and her sister (who has two babies) and got all new advise. Finally one of my ATL friends met Wood! Finally!

I got a present from Janeen the other day and she was cracking me up! I got cute clothes for Jesse, some lipstick for me and a card for Will. WHAT?! She addressed the card to Steph and Will. Correct first letter, wrong rest of the letters! Way way wrong! We don't want his first words to be goober, yuck. We've all made that mistake, hell I've called him Will but played it off by finishing the sentence with Hey Will.........you get me a glass of water? ! But it was pretty funny girl, thank you!

its takes a village and a Target

Good news, the very unreliable picture taker of my unborn child was dead wrong.  I went to a second doctor, a high risk pregnancy doctor, because of the size of the baby and a small kidney issue. Well they made me feel all kinds of better when they informed me that the baby is in fact 5 1/2 lbs. and not 7 1/2! Shewy.

I need a new pair of shoes of all things, my shoe size has now grown to a whopping 10! Wood is a 15 and I am a 10 (this poor kid is gonna have big ol clown feet). I went to DSW in search for a cute, comfy, warm, slip-on shoe that was right around 99 cents. Seeing as I have no fashion sense, limited decision making skills and the fact that I can't bend over made shoes shopping experience right in line with cleaning the toilets with a tooth brush. The trip was a big fat fail, I left there with nothing and had to returned to the house and lay down.

I was telling Sarah about my problem while she was out an about running errands.  She told me she would look at the shoes at Target while she was there, take a picture of a pair she thought I would like  that had her approval so I could just run up to my Target and grab them, perfect. Well she couldn't get any phone service in the store to send me the pic, so being the nice, generous problem solver that she is, just decided to buy a pair of boots that fit my description, went straight to the post office and mailed them. She made sure I would get them today so I would have a comfortable Thanksgiving. Sarah saves the day!!!!! She said she wished she could just give me a hug but this was the next best thing after the rough couple of days I had. Well I am all excited to get them today; I went to Macys and bought something to wear for tomorrow that I will take back on Friday to go with my new shoes. I got home and the postman totally left me a pink slip for me to go get them from the post office. DANGIT! I ran to the post office with 10 minutes to spare before closing. The guy behind the counter tells me he is still out on his route. Are you kidding me??!! He saw my disappointment, I told him I needed that package and that my comfort on Thanksgiving depended on it. The guy did me a favor and gave me the guy’s route. Next thing I know I am on a PostManhunt. I am totally driving around town looking for this mail truck. Guess what, I totally tracked him down!!! I saw him, turned the corner on two wheels, went around him, threw it in park and blocked him from going anywhere. I popped out of my car; he was so nice and was glad to give me my packages. I had three boxes which is why he didn't leave them at the house. Victory!! I got my shoes and I love them!! Thanks again girl!

My friend Melissa sent me a bunch of hand-me-down baby stuff  in the other two boxes, which I can't wait to dive in to. I love my friends!

Last night, Brandy also saved the day. She took me out for a steak dinner at Long Horn because she had a meeting up this and it worked out perfectly. As we are eating and laughing, she was like; “do you have a bra on?” Nope, I surly do not. “Stephanie!” Well I grew out of them and I am not buying anymore, I didn't think you could tell under this hoody. Apparently it was quite obvious. So after dinner we go straight to Target and she bought me a couple of bras against my will. I insisted I didn't need them and she said it was not about me, that she is the one who has to look at me and I need a bra. I wore it today; I had no idea how much difference it made.

Ok last thing before I start my Thanksgiving extravaganza that’s starts with a visit with Marybeth up here near Nashville (more on that after tomorrow). I just got a few texts from Crazypants!! (the guy from POF who wanted me to shave my head, the psychotic song writer who I thought left my life over a year ago). He is still thinks he has a shot, whatever...IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE!

Ok Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

baby got back

7 pounds and 3 ounces is that we are looking at over here and we still have 7 more weeks to go!!!
AAAHHH!! I guess that's what I get for having a 6'7" baby daddy. I was wondering why it feels like a baby is propping his legs up on my diaphragm, because he is!! Geez Jesse, your mom can't breathe son. I found out this fat baby news yesterday at the doctor and I promptly took myself to Krispy Kreme.

My mobility is very limited, I went on a walk today and it took forever! The tiny hill in my neighborhood looked like Mt. Everest and bending over to tie my shoe was a real adventure. I was wondering how being unemployed would affect the only luxury I really can't do anything about, a pedicure. There is no reaching these toes but have no fear, Wood came through in a pinch and actually cut my toenails for me (what a nice boy, I was truly touched). I am gonna wait a couple of days and see how he feels about removing the toenail polish (baby steps). I am hoping I will find away to get these bad boys painted by the time I gotta show them off at the hospital as I deliver a line backer who will most likely drive us all home.

yay! love all around!

Holy crap! That damn Meredith strikes again! She took pictures throughout the entire baby shower and I was expecting her to emailing them to me, nope! I just got another picture book in the mail she created of my baby shower! Girl you are amazing, thank you thank you thank you! I love love love it, you captured it quite nicely and I will treasure it always.

Ok here is how it all went down. My mom and dad arrived first; they had a few things in tow including the chest of drawers my dad made for the nursery, so awesome it looks so good in the nursery. Mom made something I can hang Jesse's pics on in the nursery along with a few other gifts, including a framed piece of art my Grandma Jessie stitched, a gift from Jessie to Jesse.

As the rest of the girls trickled in I got more and more excited. I had girls there from way back in my high school days, college days, old job days all the way up to nowadays. Brandy, Sarah, Amber and Julia really did a good job of laying out a comfortable environment for everyone to gather. My shower was pretty painless, just a group of girls socializing and giving me presents nothing wrong with that!

Sarah told me that I needed to make a quick speech thanking people for coming. So before we opened the presents I started rambling on and on about I don't even know what. I had nothing prepared and it was quite obvious. I couldn't remember anyone's name, I thanked Julia for opening up her home and called her the "house lady" and then I attempted a few more words in what I will now call Train Wreck speech USA.  We all gathered around the presents and I got to see how it feels for people to sit a watch me open presents. Unwrapping foreign objects for babies was comical and just plain awkward. The first gift I opened were these brown fuzzy things that you put over the seat belt so it doesn't rub against the baby's skin. I took one look at these things and said "cute slippers!" After I was corrected by multiple people I could not stop laughing, like seriously could not stop and people watching me did not help. I was crying, make-up running down my face, was sweating from the combination of wearing a sweater, embarrassment and heat lamps above me. From there on out I was a mess, I got so hot I got up in the middle of the present opening, left everyone sitting there and changed into a T-shirt for the remainder of the day.  That pretty much set the tone for some more hilarious moments as I proceeded to get called out for calling the baby monitor "walkie talkies" , the teething items "chew toys", the hats "bonnets" and whatever was disguised in the big raisin box, raisins. I pretty much just laughed the entire time and Meredith caught it all on tape. At one point someone leaned over to Wood’s mom and said “you live close by right?” She said “yes but I may have move closer.” I got some really good stuff including the crib (all my Decatur girls chipped in for that) car seat (Brandy and Sarah chipped in for that) and then many items I will find very helpful.

Kathy Goodwin brought one of her world famous cakes. She never disappoints with these bad boys, it’s such a great way to display a talent that shows love, patience and thoughtfulness. Amber framed a few of my pictures she took at he photo shoot and had them displayed at the shower, which was a very nice touch, I mean who doesn’t like a room full of yourself?  My Mom cut out a section of a wire fence, attached a chain for hanging purposes on the back for me display Jesse's pics on the wall, so creative, love it! I put Jesse’s sonogram pics on it during the shower, along with some of my own art work when I was a small child, Thanks Mommy. Sarah gave me two onsies, one Steeler and one Titan’s onsie. They both have Caldwell and the #1 on the back; I was asked to please take a video of me showing the Steeler one to Wood, as we all know has no sense of humor when it comes to Steelers. When I got home I told him Sarah sent him a present, "it better not be anything Steelers" he said. I showed him and he jokingly said, “he better not catch Jesse wearing that or he’ll show him the river" ha-ha, ok whatever Tony Soprano. Then I showed him the Titans one, he immediately took a picture of it and sent it to all his friends and now wants to drive to Pittsburgh to hang out with Sarah.

It was really great to see everyone and to be amongst folks who I adore. Woods's Mom and Grandma drove all the way down from Nashville to be there so I thought that was really nice. After the shower ended I realized that I didn't even mention my own mother in my “train wreck speech" geeeeezzzz!!! Sorry Madre!!! Sorry Padre! I was all rattled and overwhelmed so I forgot to mention both my parents!!! Well little did they know that wasn't the end of the speech, the rest goes like this:

And I would like to thank my mom and dad for coming! These two people mean the most to me in this world. They make me laugh, they keep me remembering that the little things keep us happy and since they have made it their mission to make me the best person I can, it’s the least I can do to give them their first grandson, Jesse Brooks. I know you guys have wanted this for long ling time and most likely gave up on the idea, so here you go mom and dad, a little boy to carry on the awesome qualities you gave me, to keep you young and spirited! I love you!

 

bowl full of jelly

I have no idea where to start, last Friday, Saturday and Sunday was the best. I got to see all the people who make my world go round and then some. Friday night, chillin with my girls Brandy and Sarah totally set the tone for a weekend of non-stop laughs. I think I found another side effect to the this pregnancy thing, its called no brakes on the belly laugh. When something cracks me up, I start laughing and its really hard to stop!  The next thing I know I am crying, sweating and actually trying to stop laughing as I shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly (its a great problem to have). Sarah arrived shortly after we did and Julia (Brandy's mom) had some enchiladas waiting on us. Sarah did notice the crappy wrap job that poor Brandy did on the present they both got me (car seat). Bless her heart, the wrapping paper she had wasn't enough to cover the big box so she was forced to make a mad dash to the store and purchase a table cloth to wrap it in (one that you could see right through). I think Brandy has been hanging out with me too long cause she was putting the final piece of tape on it as Sarah was walking through the door, she didn't want Sarah to think we drove all the way down to Georgia with an unwrapped gift that I of course did not peek at.  We sat down in the living room and caught up on each others lives. Its so awesome when two of my very best friends get along as well as they do. We sat around for hours, so tired but none of us wanted to go to bed even though it well passed 1am.We finally said our good nights and hit the hay.

The next morning I woke up to some coffee talk with the girls and then I was off to the showers. I had to get ready for my very first photo shoot and I was excited! I am so glad that I had my in-house glam squad on stand by to help me out with the getting ready part. I learned that brownish mauve is not the most becoming shade of lipstick and that hair spray is not the main ingredient for every hair style. After I got approval on an outfit, my hair and make-up done Brandy and I were off to Canton to hang out at a deserted Loft/Mill that created some really cool backgrounds for my pics. Amber is really good at what she does and I got to reap the benefits of her talents. I now have the memory of my first child in my belly captured on tape and for that I will always be grateful, thank you so much girl.

We got back home and all of us girls decided to split up, go our separate ways and hang out with different friends. I chose to swing by Stuart's house, see him and his family, it was a great quick drive-by visit. I got to hang out with Stu and his wife Steph for a tiny bit and catch up with them. Then I headed to Decatur to hang with the crew for the GA/Fla game. It was good to see my peeps, we had a great time hanging out and watching GA barely beat Florida, but a win is a win! There was a few kids there, Meredith brought her little boy, he is somewhere around 17 months and I just kept picturing me chasing around a little boy. If my boy is half as cute as this one I am one lucky mommy.

After the game I went back to Woodstock to reconvene with the girls. We proceeded to go to the store to get the food for the shower at like 9pm the night before. Julia was about to flip out over our lack of preparation. We got home at like 10 put the stuff away and stayed up for a little bit BSing and we were off to bed. Julia was not having it, she was not about to go to sleep knowing we hadn't done one thing. This shower is for a girl who calls herself Spazwell and I think they were just trying to follow suit.  So needless to say, Julia stayed up half the night getting the food ready for the shower, she just couldn't take it.

Ok its feeding time, gotta go, stay tuned for part two of the shower weekend.....

baby party

Ok its time to take this 4lb, breached, fully haired boy with an attitude on a road trip! Jesse Brandy, and I are heading to Atlanta today in Wood's truck for an entire weekend of soaking up my peeps and feeling the love. I cannot wait! I need this so bad. Wood is not coming and I am very sad, but I had to make my peace with the fact that the dogs can't watch themselves and the dog sitter backed out at the 9th hour. Its gonna suck not being able to introduce the people I love to the man I love but its not in the cards. So I will look forward to a girls night tonight and the activities to follow.

I shall return with some stories, hopefully all good.