Friday, May 23, 2014

Mother in the house!

YO YO YO!! I finally feel the juices back in my brain, things are starting to pop in my head that I wanna report goes nothing. I've been asked a few times when I am going to start blogging again and I seriously couldn't picture it while juggling my day to day TV watching/feedings but since I slept walked the other night I feel the  need to plant this picture in everyone's head, so the time is now.

Every night before I go to bed I fill my 25 oz. Bubba Thermos with ice water and lay it by my bed. I haven't been sleeping all that well, until this night, my body finally gave in and I went into a deep coma sleep. Well apparently while sleeping, I reached over to the night stand, unscrewed the top of the Bubba and dumped the entire 25 ounces of ice water in the bed, then walked to the linen closet to get sheets. I am still sleeping but can hear Wood hopping up out of a dead sleep and yelling "what in the hell is going on?!?!?" He finds me standing at the foot of the bed (in the creepiest way possible) with a pile of clean sheets in my hand. What?!! Good morning! What happened?!  Not sure. After the shock wore off and I woke up, we got the ice cubes out of the bed and changed the sheets, pillows and bedspread. I have no idea what happened, I need to be put in a test tube and studied when it comes to my sleeping antics.

The last time we were all together I decided to have a baby the next day. So here I am 4 months later still wingin it.

I had a baby boy named Jesse Brooks Caldwell 8lb 3 oz. via C section with minimal scarring. He was born with a full head of hair, blue eyes and a funny smirk on his face. Wood was in the delivery room with me watching the whole thing go down. He went from not wanting to be in the room for fear of disgusting things scarring him for life to being the token comedian right by my side. At first he pictured himself in the waiting room full of guys and a box of cigars waiting on me to be wheeled out with a baby in my no. I was laying there telling the doctor that he was scared he was going faint, so Wood took that as a dare, looked over the blue curtain and watched the whole thing. He saw my guts and a doctor elbow deep inside of me, I mean people do say you should get to know someone on the inside, mission accomplished. I was laying there not knowing what was going on, all I knew was that I was starving and the smell of my own skin burning as they cauterized my stomach smelled delicious. Wood was making the whole place laugh the entire time, cracking up the doctor as he pulled Jesse out, I think it was his announcement that the baby was black that got the biggest laugh. Hahahoho real funny. So now I have this baby. I spent the entire first day of being a mom drugged up, throwing up and passing out (kinda like my college days). After I had the baby and other people could come in and see me, Wood stepped out for a quick celebratory drink since his favorite bar was conveniently across the street. I was so out of it,  I remember Brandy putting her hand on my stitches so they wouldn't pop while I puked over and over again, while she held Jesse, what a trooper. People were in and out all day, my folks were coming up the following morning so it was time to wind down and relax. Wood and I finally got settled, I was laying there itching from all the meds, Wood hands me a freshly wrapped baby, he lays down on his fold-out couch that is not meant for a 6' 7" dude and closes his eyes. I am sitting there all alone trying to hold him. It didn't take me long to fumble him around until he was unwrapped and crying, it was then I realized that I never really held a newborn for more than five minutes without supervision. Ok made it through the first day, I got this.....

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

hot digity dog its NYE!

So I have been trying to figure out what in the heck to write about besides the fact that I can no longer fit into a booth at Waffle House and my stomach now doubles as a yolk catcher during the times I wolf down All-star breakfasts. I feel like I am carrying around a 50 lb. bag of cement with arms. I went to the doc today and I am not even close to being ready to roll and I will be 40 weeks in 3 days. The good news is that doc won’t let me go past 41 weeks, so there is a light at the end of the birth canal.

I’m reflecting on this past year and the giant curve balls I threw myself.  I just read the post from a year ago today. “Let’s end the year Wright” That was a year ago? EEEEWWW and YUCK! The post mentioned that I found the guy who has everything I’ve been looking for. WHAT in the HELL was I smoking??I look back and it kind of grosses me out to be honest. I know he was a nice guy but all I can think about was his disgusting antics and how desperate I must have been to sit around a year ago today with Brandy and plan our wedding. So to correct myself, he was not the person who had everything I was looking for, actually I have that guy now and there is quite a big difference.

I read the post on New Year’s Day last year; it’s pretty funny. I said “I have big plans for this year.”  Boy was that the understatement of the year. I went from dreaming of a country wedding, to meeting Wood, to becoming pregnant, to getting a new job, to moving to the burbs, to getting fired, to becoming a very large and lame homemaker…. next stop….Mommy town!  CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA  I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN!

 My NYE plans this year include trying out the old lady next door’s hot dog toaster that she got for Christmas. I’m serious, Wood is on his way home and this is our plan, hopefully things won’t get too out of hand.

Well Happy New Year to you and yours!!




Thursday, December 12, 2013

strong shoulders carry big weights

They say that God will never give you more than you can handle, well God must think that I'm a bad ass!!

I am facing yet another minor obstacle, they denied my unemployment. I am not at liberty to discuss the reasons why at this time but I will point out the fact that my income, as of right now, is null and void. This would be the moment that I would normally drag my butt out on the pavement and start handing out resumes to pretty much anyone. But the fact I am a Wheedle Wobble and my strongest skill right now is trying not to tip over, I just don't know if there is a market for that right now. The percentage of people hiring folks that will be absent the first 6-8 weeks due to life giving obligations is probably low. So long story short I will be eating some berries off of the holly bush for breakfast and hit the samples at the food court in the mall for lunch. Merry Christmas!

All will be fine, because it has to be fine, I am an eternal broke ass with a positive attitude. Everyone around me (Quarter and Whitey) are very supportive, and everyone not around me cause they have jobs are being very supportive as well so that helps. I find myself in a familiar and very unfamiliar situation at the same time, this should be interesting. If I don't blog for a few weeks after this it means they have turned off my cable and internet and I am busy counting my teeth with my tongue. Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 6, 2013


I am so bored!!!!!!!! Its nasty and raining and cold and I have nothing to do but sit here and wait to give birth. I now hate the TV and I don't have a good book to read. Today marks the 36th week I have been knocked up and they say I could go at any minute. So now I think every step I take, every move I make a baby may fall out. I find myself really concerned about the signs of labor. How will I know? When will I know? Will I freak out? I've been taking a survey from some of my friends on how they knew when they were in labor and everyone is different! No help at all, some say you'll just know, well I am hoping that is the case. I'll probably blame it on gas and go about my day.

I had a great Thanksgiving weekend last weekend, had more than I could handle going on, this weekend I got nothing and I may go crazy. Over the course of the weekend we had 6 obligations, including Marybeth's Aunt house. It was so gooooood to see you girl! Its been a while since I have seen a familiar face up in these parts. I got to sit around with MB and her sister (who has two babies) and got all new advise. Finally one of my ATL friends met Wood! Finally!

I got a present from Janeen the other day and she was cracking me up! I got cute clothes for Jesse, some lipstick for me and a card for Will. WHAT?! She addressed the card to Steph and Will. Correct first letter, wrong rest of the letters! Way way wrong! We don't want his first words to be goober, yuck. We've all made that mistake, hell I've called him Will but played it off by finishing the sentence with Hey get me a glass of water? ! But it was pretty funny girl, thank you!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

its takes a village and a Target

Good news, the very unreliable picture taker of my unborn child was dead wrong.  I went to a second doctor, a high risk pregnancy doctor, because of the size of the baby and a small kidney issue. Well they made me feel all kinds of better when they informed me that the baby is in fact 5 1/2 lbs. and not 7 1/2! Shewy.

I need a new pair of shoes of all things, my shoe size has now grown to a whopping 10! Wood is a 15 and I am a 10 (this poor kid is gonna have big ol clown feet). I went to DSW in search for a cute, comfy, warm, slip-on shoe that was right around 99 cents. Seeing as I have no fashion sense, limited decision making skills and the fact that I can't bend over made shoes shopping experience right in line with cleaning the toilets with a tooth brush. The trip was a big fat fail, I left there with nothing and had to returned to the house and lay down.

I was telling Sarah about my problem while she was out an about running errands.  She told me she would look at the shoes at Target while she was there, take a picture of a pair she thought I would like  that had her approval so I could just run up to my Target and grab them, perfect. Well she couldn't get any phone service in the store to send me the pic, so being the nice, generous problem solver that she is, just decided to buy a pair of boots that fit my description, went straight to the post office and mailed them. She made sure I would get them today so I would have a comfortable Thanksgiving. Sarah saves the day!!!!! She said she wished she could just give me a hug but this was the next best thing after the rough couple of days I had. Well I am all excited to get them today; I went to Macys and bought something to wear for tomorrow that I will take back on Friday to go with my new shoes. I got home and the postman totally left me a pink slip for me to go get them from the post office. DANGIT! I ran to the post office with 10 minutes to spare before closing. The guy behind the counter tells me he is still out on his route. Are you kidding me??!! He saw my disappointment, I told him I needed that package and that my comfort on Thanksgiving depended on it. The guy did me a favor and gave me the guy’s route. Next thing I know I am on a PostManhunt. I am totally driving around town looking for this mail truck. Guess what, I totally tracked him down!!! I saw him, turned the corner on two wheels, went around him, threw it in park and blocked him from going anywhere. I popped out of my car; he was so nice and was glad to give me my packages. I had three boxes which is why he didn't leave them at the house. Victory!! I got my shoes and I love them!! Thanks again girl!

My friend Melissa sent me a bunch of hand-me-down baby stuff  in the other two boxes, which I can't wait to dive in to. I love my friends!

Last night, Brandy also saved the day. She took me out for a steak dinner at Long Horn because she had a meeting up this and it worked out perfectly. As we are eating and laughing, she was like; “do you have a bra on?” Nope, I surly do not. “Stephanie!” Well I grew out of them and I am not buying anymore, I didn't think you could tell under this hoody. Apparently it was quite obvious. So after dinner we go straight to Target and she bought me a couple of bras against my will. I insisted I didn't need them and she said it was not about me, that she is the one who has to look at me and I need a bra. I wore it today; I had no idea how much difference it made.

Ok last thing before I start my Thanksgiving extravaganza that’s starts with a visit with Marybeth up here near Nashville (more on that after tomorrow). I just got a few texts from Crazypants!! (the guy from POF who wanted me to shave my head, the psychotic song writer who I thought left my life over a year ago). He is still thinks he has a shot, whatever...IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE!

Ok Happy Thanksgiving everyone!






Wednesday, November 20, 2013

baby got back

7 pounds and 3 ounces is that we are looking at over here and we still have 7 more weeks to go!!!
AAAHHH!! I guess that's what I get for having a 6'7" baby daddy. I was wondering why it feels like a baby is propping his legs up on my diaphragm, because he is!! Geez Jesse, your mom can't breathe son. I found out this fat baby news yesterday at the doctor and I promptly took myself to Krispy Kreme.

My mobility is very limited, I went on a walk today and it took forever! The tiny hill in my neighborhood looked like Mt. Everest and bending over to tie my shoe was a real adventure. I was wondering how being unemployed would affect the only luxury I really can't do anything about, a pedicure. There is no reaching these toes but have no fear, Wood came through in a pinch and actually cut my toenails for me (what a nice boy, I was truly touched). I am gonna wait a couple of days and see how he feels about removing the toenail polish (baby steps). I am hoping I will find away to get these bad boys painted by the time I gotta show them off at the hospital as I deliver a line backer who will most likely drive us all home.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

yay! love all around!

Holy crap! That damn Meredith strikes again! She took pictures throughout the entire baby shower and I was expecting her to emailing them to me, nope! I just got another picture book in the mail she created of my baby shower! Girl you are amazing, thank you thank you thank you! I love love love it, you captured it quite nicely and I will treasure it always.

Ok here is how it all went down. My mom and dad arrived first; they had a few things in tow including the chest of drawers my dad made for the nursery, so awesome it looks so good in the nursery. Mom made something I can hang Jesse's pics on in the nursery along with a few other gifts, including a framed piece of art my Grandma Jessie stitched, a gift from Jessie to Jesse.

As the rest of the girls trickled in I got more and more excited. I had girls there from way back in my high school days, college days, old job days all the way up to nowadays. Brandy, Sarah, Amber and Julia really did a good job of laying out a comfortable environment for everyone to gather. My shower was pretty painless, just a group of girls socializing and giving me presents nothing wrong with that!

Sarah told me that I needed to make a quick speech thanking people for coming. So before we opened the presents I started rambling on and on about I don't even know what. I had nothing prepared and it was quite obvious. I couldn't remember anyone's name, I thanked Julia for opening up her home and called her the "house lady" and then I attempted a few more words in what I will now call Train Wreck speech USA.  We all gathered around the presents and I got to see how it feels for people to sit a watch me open presents. Unwrapping foreign objects for babies was comical and just plain awkward. The first gift I opened were these brown fuzzy things that you put over the seat belt so it doesn't rub against the baby's skin. I took one look at these things and said "cute slippers!" After I was corrected by multiple people I could not stop laughing, like seriously could not stop and people watching me did not help. I was crying, make-up running down my face, was sweating from the combination of wearing a sweater, embarrassment and heat lamps above me. From there on out I was a mess, I got so hot I got up in the middle of the present opening, left everyone sitting there and changed into a T-shirt for the remainder of the day.  That pretty much set the tone for some more hilarious moments as I proceeded to get called out for calling the baby monitor "walkie talkies" , the teething items "chew toys", the hats "bonnets" and whatever was disguised in the big raisin box, raisins. I pretty much just laughed the entire time and Meredith caught it all on tape. At one point someone leaned over to Wood’s mom and said “you live close by right?” She said “yes but I may have move closer.” I got some really good stuff including the crib (all my Decatur girls chipped in for that) car seat (Brandy and Sarah chipped in for that) and then many items I will find very helpful.

Kathy Goodwin brought one of her world famous cakes. She never disappoints with these bad boys, it’s such a great way to display a talent that shows love, patience and thoughtfulness. Amber framed a few of my pictures she took at he photo shoot and had them displayed at the shower, which was a very nice touch, I mean who doesn’t like a room full of yourself?  My Mom cut out a section of a wire fence, attached a chain for hanging purposes on the back for me display Jesse's pics on the wall, so creative, love it! I put Jesse’s sonogram pics on it during the shower, along with some of my own art work when I was a small child, Thanks Mommy. Sarah gave me two onsies, one Steeler and one Titan’s onsie. They both have Caldwell and the #1 on the back; I was asked to please take a video of me showing the Steeler one to Wood, as we all know has no sense of humor when it comes to Steelers. When I got home I told him Sarah sent him a present, "it better not be anything Steelers" he said. I showed him and he jokingly said, “he better not catch Jesse wearing that or he’ll show him the river" ha-ha, ok whatever Tony Soprano. Then I showed him the Titans one, he immediately took a picture of it and sent it to all his friends and now wants to drive to Pittsburgh to hang out with Sarah.

It was really great to see everyone and to be amongst folks who I adore. Woods's Mom and Grandma drove all the way down from Nashville to be there so I thought that was really nice. After the shower ended I realized that I didn't even mention my own mother in my “train wreck speech" geeeeezzzz!!! Sorry Madre!!! Sorry Padre! I was all rattled and overwhelmed so I forgot to mention both my parents!!! Well little did they know that wasn't the end of the speech, the rest goes like this:

And I would like to thank my mom and dad for coming! These two people mean the most to me in this world. They make me laugh, they keep me remembering that the little things keep us happy and since they have made it their mission to make me the best person I can, it’s the least I can do to give them their first grandson, Jesse Brooks. I know you guys have wanted this for long ling time and most likely gave up on the idea, so here you go mom and dad, a little boy to carry on the awesome qualities you gave me, to keep you young and spirited! I love you!