Sunday, September 30, 2012

material girl


I don't even know where to begin. I took for the team; I went against my own pledge for the sake of material. It’s clear that I have been running low on entertaining stuff to write about and needed to drum some up. Sarah suggested that I go live in my car again; in Hein site that suggestion would have been a lot better. I instead chose to go on a quick POF date. I haven't been on this site in forever but got on at lunchtime on Thursday. I had a date lined up by the time I got off work. This guy was seemingly normal over email and I agreed to meet him after work to have a bite to eat and possibly watch some football. He had me laughing in the first 30 seconds so I was pleasantly surprised. Then things started to turn a little coo coo. He is a famous country music writer. He has written hits for Garth Brooks and has at least one of his songs on the radio right now "What Do you Want from Me."

Of course he has my attention but then the red flags started to peek out from under his hat. He wanted me to be the ginny pig for his his realty show idea. The idea being two people meet on a blind date and spend the next 7 days together. Sure, that's a great idea. I am going along with this in the name of my blog. “Why stop there?” I asked him. Seven days doesn't seem long enough, we should do at least nine. He then raised the stakes to 30 days. By the end of the conversation I was moving in with him that night for the next 365 days(I pinky swore I would). This is really happening and he is dead serious. While I am going along with this perfectly normal idea he then tells me that he loves girls with really short hair. He thinks that I should let him shave my head and he would buy me wigs. I am now waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind the bar with a video camera in my face. Hell yea I say that is an awesome idea. I could be like Lil Kim and wear a different color wig every day, perfectly normal first date conversation.

Awesome, I have this guy who thinks I am this spontaneous and outrageous girl who is up for anything. I wanted material and I hit the jackpot! He kept saying that it was fate that we met. But then we actually got into a heated argument shortly after. He was going on and on about his music and I had had enough. I told him to stop shoving his music down my throat and I called him a name dropper. You would have thought I told him I hate his mother and then I ran over his dog. He went crazy and I had to get out of there.

I ended up not moving in with him and just went about my Friday like I do every week. But this Friday was a little different. Instead of never hearing from him again as expected, I got bombed with text messages from this lunatic. Text after text of how I broke my word on not moving in with him and how he likes me so much and that he can't wait to see me again. Holy crap, it was the tip of the crazy iceberg. I participated in the most ridiculous text convo you could ever imagine. I said I would meet him again so he would shut up. I told him that I first had to go to Brandy’s to watch the Georgia game but maybe we can hang out on Sunday.

I went to Brandy’s house and showed her the 66 texts that I got over the last 12 hours. It was the most insane display of lunacy I have ever been involved in and that’s saying a lot.

Brandy and I had a great time together as always. Many good laughs, some were at this guy's expense but he was a short lived story. That is until he kept texting me all night to make sure that I was still gonna meet with on Sunday. I just ignored him.

I actually did entertain the idea of meeting in a very public place with lots of witness to get more insane things to write about but I decided I had enough material. Not really feeling like getting tied up and stashed in his truck, I promptly cancelled. There was no way I could go through with it with a straight face. I texted him and told him I wasn't coming and he went BALISTIC! I now have 135 texts, 7 miss calls and a voicemail where I am pretty sure he was crying. "I like you so much Stephanie! I was so excited to see you! I know you like me! Please meet me! You broke your word and I still want to see you! I was going to ask you to be my date to the BMI awards! Just give me another chance! This could be something amazing! I know you miss me! Don’t you feel anything for me?! I was so excited about you! I have told everyone about you!!"


I responded with, “you are a little much for me; I am not interested in dating you, kindly respect my wishes and delete my number.”

 
He said he would but he hasn't and it’s been nonstop all day. He told me before I knew he was CRAY CRAY that the way he gets over girls (like his last ex-girlfriend) is he writes a song about them and then he is over her.  I wonder if I am going to hear a song about me on the radio soon.

 
Here's the first lyric:

You broke your word
You still have all you hair
You broke you word
You don't even care
You broke your word
You cancelled our date
You broke your word
I guess it wasn't fate

 

Whoa that’s pretty good! That just came out of nowhere, I had no idea I could write music!

 I am hoping it will die down by morning, but since he has texted me five times since I have been writing this post it may not happen.  He just texted again "Just come join me please, if I piss you off you can just leave, I am so sorry Stephanie I want to take you to the awards so bad"

Um where is the delete button on this POF profile? There has got to be better ways to gather material.

He doesn't know my last name thank goodness.

 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Beans Beans

Making fun of someone finally paid off! I was mocking this guy’s walk at work and it involved stomping around really hard. All of sudden bam, my ankle felt a hundred times better! It’s like I knocked it back into place! I got so excited I went to the park at lunch and did a little test run. After a few feet I felt like I could run again and I never wanted to stop. I went back to my desk all sweaty and went again after work. I'm alive! My knees were hurting but I just ignored them, who cares I am back! Before this happened I became obsessed with working out to the Fitness Channel OnDemand. It’s amazing, you can pick from 100 different workouts, so I have been body sculpting and I love it. Come November I am gonna be in tip top shape. More on why that’s important later, I don't wanna jinx it.

So I have decided I need to focus on chiseling my body and my new project, writing a book. I am not sure if you have noticed but my blogs are getting a little blah and I’m boring myself. I can't let this happen so I need to cut back to from semi-daily posts to once a week; we have a quality vs quantity situation. Carrie Bradshaw only had to put out a column once a week, so that’s what I am gonna do for a while. I have been dreaming of being on the Best Seller list and I need to see if I can make that happen. If freakin Snookie and Theresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey can write Best Sellers, um I think I have a shot.

I think Sundays will be a good day to write about the fact that I mailed myself a bill today. I do the books for both companies that I work for, AGC and Servpro. AGC hired Servpro to clean some carpets and I mailed out a check to me from me. Why was today the one day that Lori opened the mail?

Anyway, I want to ask everyone to give a shout-out to good ol JC for my Mama Lou. Her cancer is on the run again and she has got put up her dukes for another round in the Chemo ring. Give my Pops a couple of fist pumps in the air too as he carts Mom across the state of Georgia twice a week for the best cutting edge treatment they could find. We wanna keep this lady's juices flowin a little longer as she is pretty awesome.

I am going to go visit them this weekend before the treatment starts on Monday. I may steal some hand weights out of the gym in the basement so I can stop using corn meal and cans of soup to strengthen my biceps.

I have been eating my homemade bean soup all week cause I made enough to feed the entire building. I made up a new saying: beans beans good for your heart the more you eat them the more you’re the most disgusting human alive.  

On that note I think I’ll go watch Survivor.

 

Sunday, September 23, 2012

full court press


Well Thursday with Hank was fun as usual. We went and sat in front of courthouse and listened to live music. This was a place I had not been before so I really enjoyed sitting on the grass amongst the tall downtown building on a gorgeous night. The concert turned into a long drawn out discussion of why we are not a couple. It was a full court press of Hank and all of his good qualities. He broke out the resume on me and was ready to close the deal. He had a good argument seeing as he does have a lot of qualities that I do want in a guy, but somehow I can't quite push him out of the friend zone. He emailed me the next day and said he felt stupid for laying it on so thick and he hopes I don't hate him. He is crazy I could never hate such a warm and fuzzy guy who would takes me as I am, lets me be myself and loves all of my quirky ways. I seriously may have something wrong with me. We decided that he is going to take me on a real dinner date since all we ever do is go to concerts together. He wants me to give him a chance to see how we would do on a real date. I told him I would be honored to go on a date with him but there are no guarantees I will be falling in love.

I decided to try out a new route yesterday and went to one of the trails I keep hearing about in Nashville. This was a gorgeous trail, one where I felt completely sketched out on the entire time. The woods on both sides of the paved road creeped me out. I didn’t really feel like I wanted to be dragged into the woods by a crazy person never to be seen again. I stopped a girl and asked her if she felt safe running out here alone. She said that she is in the military and she sometimes runs with a gun and that makes her feel better. Um ok well I don't have a gun and that does not make me feel better. So I turned around and secretly followed behind the military lady just in case.

 I have had a good weekend of laying low. I am still recovering from hanging out with 20-somethings last weekend. I watched Georgia whoop up on Vandy and a horrible movie that just made me feel uncomfortable, 5-year Engagement. I went to Marshalls and returned all the shirts I bought for Vegas and got some badass boots out of it.

I didn't win the lottery and now I am boiling eggs and cooking bean soup. My apartment smells a little off.

That’s all I got.

 

 

 

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Thursday

I can always get behind a free concert on a Thursday night. Headin out to go see North Mississippi Allstars with Hany Panky!

 So no time to blog just wanted to say hi and let everyone know that I am aware that there is not no such thing as Paper View television only pay-per-view. I got it!

Ok I must go pack my fanny pack and make sure the velcro is on good and tight on my phone and key chain.



Tuesday, September 18, 2012

out with the old and in with the new!


Well after a lot of back and forth, I'm a 615 area code! Its official, I am a Tennessean! I have nobody’s number so if you want to get in touch with me Facebook me or email me. I am not sure what I’m gonna do without the crazies, the clingers (stages 3 through 6) or the people I have named “Do not answer” on my contact list. I am sure I will think of something.

Actually I am thinking that this is my new start to my new way of life. Out with the old habits of losing things and being a ruhtard. My new goal is to get my crap together and stop the madness! I am ready to me Miss Organized and Miss Reasonable, I’m mean responsible. I will keep you posted on the progress; I have a good feeling about my new velcro-lined fanny pack.

Anyway, this past weekend was a blast. We took the city by storm and I showed the girls a grand ol time. After a crazy Friday night we went for brunch at the West End Cafe. I was looked like I grabbed onto the back of someone’s bumper and let it drag me to the restaurant. We staggered to the patio, Meagan is chain smoking, we brought our own Bloody Mary’s that Anna made at the apartment and I somehow found myself in a job interview. I have been throwing around the idea of having a weekend job for some extra milk money. I went inside to get a cup of coffee, ended up cracking up with the staff behind the counter. Since they were so much fun I asked if they were hiring (sorta kidding) and next thing you know I am interviewing with the manager. I filled out an application and I was told I would get a phone call. I wonder if its gonna be a problem that the number I put on the application no longer exists?  

We went home, brushed our teeth and set out to watch the GA game. Here we are all decked out in our red and black and the game is nowhere to be found come kick off time. We spent the entire first half running around town trying to find a place that would pay $1000 for a Paper View Georgia game. WTF, why Paper View?? We found one place with no seats; we resided to the fact that it wasn't gonna happen and went Honky Tonkin instead. We met up with the boys Anna met on Labor Day. They were fun, the two girls paired up with the two boys and me being the 5th wheel ended up talking to an outsider who sorta looked homeless. He was fun nonetheless. I have a soft spot in my heart for seemly homeless people.

My favorite part of any girl’s weekend is lying on the floor the next morning and cracking up our funny ways and insane antics. Dancing in the showcase window of the Buck Wild Saloon for sidewalk traffic entertainment purposes is always good for a laugh the next morning. Meghan captured every move on camera so we had to play out the scene from Hangover. We looked at them one time and vowed never to show them to anyone.

The girls are now moving up here in December. That's what they all say after a weekend in Nashville. I told them I would hold their spot on the couch if they wanted to crash, we'll see....

 

Monday, September 17, 2012

404 or 615?


I annoy the crap out of myself sometimes. Hub, transfer, customer service, activate, password, serial number, these are the words I am least fond of right now. I am over the fact that my favorite thing  to do is leave my phone all over the state Tennessee and parts of Georgia.

I am trying to work on being fully functional at the moment and it has taken all evening. I went out and bought a new phone, I was told I could go home and set it up myself with a few easy steps...pa ha sucka! I feel defeated, I am trying to transfer my old number, not sure it’s working since it’s an out-of-town area code. It’s processing and has been for a couple of hours, so I guess I will have to wait until tomorrow to see if it was a success. Will I be a 404 or a 615?? Who knows, just give me a freakin phone with a string attached so I can tie around my neck.

 

Weekend report still to come....

Sunday, September 16, 2012

spazwell problems

This is not a blog post, this is just an announcement....if I don't answer your text or ignore your call or won't take my turn on Words with Friends, its be cause I freakin lost my phone! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh!!!!! I am so mad, its hard being me sometimes......now I get to figure out plan B. The girls just left, I am exhausted so my full report will have to wait until tomorrow. So send me an email or a FB message if you need to get my aattantion for anything.

HHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPppYYYYYYYYYYYYBelated Janeen!!! I hope that had an awesome day girl!! Hope you didn't lose anything...its sucks when you do!!!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

runaway ho


Waking up and walking has become my routine, but I am considering switching up my route. I park in my usual spot on 1st avenue and an unwelcomed crazy guy starts walking behind me (he is like 40 yards away at this point). He starts yelling out some obscenities, I turn around and try to figure out what he is saying and if he is actually yelling at me. I make out a few choice words as he gets closer, “Keep on running you F'ing whore!” he yells. “Yea run away you f'ing bitch! Run run run biiitch!!!"  What?!!! First of all, I am walking not running, stop rubbing it in. He continues on with his rant, repeating the same things over and over as he gets closer. I have a choice, do I turn around and explain to him that my ankle is still a little tender from rolling it 98 days ago or do I just follow his instructions a take off running? I decided to skip the explanation and haul ass. He started screaming and waiving his hands at the construction crew on the side of the road and then started in on me again. I guess it’s good to know that I am able to run when necessary. I am all about a good workout, but getting my heart rate up out of fear of ending up on the 5 o’clock news was not what I had mind. I guess it’s time to get some pepper spray and/or a sawed-off shot gun for my next outing.

Got a couple of my homies invading Nashville this weekend. My former bartending colleagues Anna and Meghan are coming to visit! They totally pulled the ol bait and switch on me. They were supposed to stay at the Hilton but a last minute change in plans has them hunkering down at my place. They were worried were invading my space, I told them that I have 734 square feet and they were welcome to 508 of it. Pretty pumped about having some Georgia fans in town for the game Saturday. Anna is mid-break up and Meghan is slightly crazy, this should be interesting.

 

 

 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

tights and wings with a splash of music

Last night I went out with my girl Kelly for her birthday. Poor thing has a birthday on September 11th, so I had to make her feel a little special. What a better way to make a girl feel special than to go to Hooter's for dinner. One million restaurants in Nashville that I have yet to try and we go where the 80’s are still going strong. Not that I don’t enjoy a scrunchy sock, nude tights and white high-top Reebox, but this dated vision has lost its flare. I am all for tradition, but I think it’s time for a make-over Hooters.  I do have a question about the shirts. What happens if a girl wants to eat on the day she has to work? Do we get to see the hamburger sitting in her stomach? My gut would definitely test the durability of that piece of cloth. My dinner venue decision making process needs some work. So we had some wings, threw up the deuces and headed out to the Mercy Lounge to listen to some music.

It was Americana night; they had a whole line up of talented, tatted up, soulful musicians including Cumberland Collective. Ah yeah, I think I may be reaching groupie status. The goodie two shoes kind of groupie, the kind that leaves the band on the stage and goes home alone groupie.

We had a front row table and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. The first chic was good I think, it was unfortunate that her camel toe was distracting us from whatever was coming out of her mouth. Girlfriend, mirrors are our friends and those painted on pants are not. Between her and the girls at Hooter’s I had enough showmanship of the girl parts.

Clay’s band was last so we got to hang out with him and couple other band members at our table.  He is a cool dude and definitely a cutie pie, glad we got to kick it. They were amazing of course; too bad they didn't go on until 1030pm! It’s a school night people, we had to duck out and go to bed halfway through the show.

I am ok with getting home at midnight on a Tuesday every now and then, but bed time is a comin early tonight (right after The Voice and Big Brother of course). Brandy is in a hotel watching Big Brother with commercials like some kind of peasant.  I don’t know how she’s gonna do it, stay strong girl, they only last like 30 seconds a piece I hear.

Monday, September 10, 2012

New addition to the world!


I haven't had much to report until today......

Congratulations to my very good friends Meredith and Danny Seelos on their bouncing baby boy Holden Blue Seelos!!!!! So happy for you guys! I can't wait to meet him!

Well that's all I got.

I camped out in my apartment all weekend, cleaned and watch football...GO Dawgs! Way to play some "Old Man football" keep it going I say! The Steelers didn't have as much luck, they got pummeled.

I gave my favorite homeless guy 36 cents today; I’m sure he is so annoyed when he sees my Camry come to the stop light. He is the cutest old man who reminds me of my friend, Seth, they have the same blank stare. I don't mind giving whatever pennies and lint I have in the bottom of my wallet to the homeless people of Nashville, cause they are working for it. They are slinging papers on every corner and it’s cool that they have that opportunity. One day my contributions will add up to a full sale of one paper. The homeless people are pretty much creatures of habit. I spend a lot of time at the park, eating lunch or walking after work and I expect to see the same folks every day. We have the annoying guy who is not scared to knock on my car window and ask for cash when I am trying to eat my lunch, I tell him no every time. His nap time is after work around 5, which is not the best business plan seeing as the park is packed with people. We have the old lady who limps; she doesn’t beg for money, she is happy staking out the garbage cans hoping someone leaves an extra onion ring or some crust from a PB&J. We have the tall black guy at my morning stop light who seems to know everyone, we works it every morning, he’s got jokes and is always laughing. We have the 2 guys fishing every day at the park. Do they eat the fish for dinner? It’s funny how people become fixtures in your everyday life. Maybe I will pack a lunch for my blank stare guy, just as soon as I get some groceries.

This topic reminds me of the time Lindsey gave her leftover breakfast to a guy walking down the street in sweats. The gesture was really nice if he would of been homeless and not just a guy out for his morning stroll. Awkward!

Sarah and I tried to track down a guy we named Ol Blue Eyes (another stop light favorite). It was Christmas so we packed up a care package and set out to find him. This mission was unsuccessful and a bit dangerous as we lurked around guys under blankets in the seedy parts of Atlanta. We ended up dropping the bag off at the foot of this guy sleeping; he woke up, peeked his head out of the blanket, scared the crap out of us so we ran off screaming.

My ex-boyfriend Adam dropped off a big bag of clothes in the middle of a bunch of homeless fellas on the side of the road one day. It was hilarious to drive through that part of town weeks later and see a couple of dudes dressed in his hoodies and khakis.

Well this concludes my homeless segment, tune in next time for stories about my favorite cashiers.

 

 

 

Saturday, September 8, 2012

lame blog alert

I feel out of place today. It Saturday and I am at home! Not sure what to do with myself. The past four weekends went like this: Atlanta, Vegas, Atlanta, Manchester. I spent last night sitting on my deck watching the British guy across the way do sit ups, which was a nice change to watching him watch TV. I have never met him but the massive British flag on his wall indicates he is not American.

My apartment has asked me to clean it. It is confused as to why its turned into a landfill. Crap is everywhere! I better get started so I can be done by tonight's game...GO DAWGS!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

National Cray Cray Take a Hint Day

Today we are going to discuss hints. The definitions of a hint, what it means to take a hint and the different types of hints.

The definition of a hint:

  • A slight indication or intimation
  • A brief or indirect suggestion
  • A statement conveying information in an indirect fashion

There are all kinds of different types of hints. Hint of lime in the new Tostitos chips, hint of mint in Haagen Daas ice cream, and a hint of cinnamon in Starbucks coffee.  Hints are an important ingredient in life. Taking hints shows that you are aware of your surroundings. If hints are taken properly, there is less chance of awkwardness and/or controversy. If someone offers you up some gum, your breath smells like warm garbage, so take the hint and the gum.

Hints are the seeds that are planted and sometime grow into Blockbusters and Best Sellers. The phrase “He's Just Not that into You” has turned into a concept, a book and a movie. This concept has heightened the awareness of the lack of interest between two people, which ultimately has become a huge time saver, life is short! He and she are interchangeable in this concept. Instead of explaining herself, sometimes a girl would rather disregard a guy she doesn't know better than the guy who bags her groceries. In a perfect world, a girl drops a hint, the guy picks it up and walk away, no harm not foul, no muss no fuss. I have found in recent activity from a couple of different people that this is not always the case. Sometimes ignoring doesn't always work, the hint is not comprehended and the spelling out of the actual words is a must. I am going to spell out of couple of catch phrases as suggestions for those of you going through the same problem:

  • It’s Not Me It’s You
  • Cray Cray Go Away
  • 5 is not better than a 4 on a scale of Clingers

Here is a direct quote straight from my phone to one of the culprits behind today’s message:
"I am not feeling ya...sorry...don't wanna waste your time or mine. Good luck"
Apparently that can be translated into "Please don't ever stop texting me"

 
All I am saying is hints are an important part of the way we communicate, do not ignore them, they are there for a reason, kind of like a STOP sign if you will.

 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

peace out summer


Last night's post take two:

And that's a wrap! My first summer in Nashville has come to an end. Had a blast, got a tan, not the kind out of a bottle and I am walking away with some great memories. Labor Day weekend was spent in the country with Brandy, Beth, Nena and Stance, my sorority sisters. We had a good time chillin by the pond, I mean the pool. Poor Brandy has a leak in her pool; it was not filtering the way it was supposed to so it was a bit dirty. Brandy spent a lot of time pouting over her grand debut, poor baby, at least it was only sunny for a few hours on Saturday so it wasn't the main focus anyway. I know how fabulous it usually is and that's all that matters. We watched the Dawgs win their first game of the season, Go Dawgs! So excited football is back, bring it and the fall weather!

I am trying to figure out if I want to buy a tablet or not. Vera at work bought it and then realized that she doesn’t need it so she said I could buy it from her. She said I could make payments, it’s totally badass and pretty impressive but I can think of 499 things I should spend my money on instead. I think I will have to stick with my busted up laptop. OMG as I live and breathe my laptop just started acting up and not responding when I started to do spellcheck! Is that a sign? I think that’s a sign. (I know most of you think I don’t have a spell check, if you saw the before and after you’d know).

The shirt I referred to last night I found in the mail from Sarah, it was a shirt that said Vegas on it. I love how she finds random shirts that make her think of me and she just throws it in the mail. I accidentally stole one of her shirts while I was there and I have yet to make it to the post office, its coming girl! Oh and I love how she sends me cards with actually writing in it, way to go above and beyond girl!

Anyone who sits downs and reads this blasted blog cover to cover in one sitting deserves a shout out….hey Janeen! Welcome aboard girl!

Brandy gets a big fat thanks for offering up her home, putting up with everyone and feeding all of us piglets all weekend. Thanks girl!

 

Ok gotta go to work!

 

 

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

voice activated

I'm on the voice activator.this blog is being spoken and not written.I am a robot.I'm speaking into this tablet that I may buy.

just wrapped up the rest of the summer with the girls in college. we had a lot of fun.this robot thing is for the birds.I thought it was cool but it's kind of silly.

the girls and I had a good time watching the dawgs ! danced to the Wii the dance Party USA game. so much fun.

I got a shirt and a card in the mail from Sarah. thank you Sarah

whatever.
I will write a blog in the morning


my name is Stephanie and I live in Nashville
wow that came out correct
I guess I just need to annunciate


I'm done backspacing backspacing