Tuesday, December 31, 2013

hot digity dog its NYE!


So I have been trying to figure out what in the heck to write about besides the fact that I can no longer fit into a booth at Waffle House and my stomach now doubles as a yolk catcher during the times I wolf down All-star breakfasts. I feel like I am carrying around a 50 lb. bag of cement with arms. I went to the doc today and I am not even close to being ready to roll and I will be 40 weeks in 3 days. The good news is that doc won’t let me go past 41 weeks, so there is a light at the end of the birth canal.

I’m reflecting on this past year and the giant curve balls I threw myself.  I just read the post from a year ago today. “Let’s end the year Wright” That was a year ago? EEEEWWW and YUCK! The post mentioned that I found the guy who has everything I’ve been looking for. WHAT in the HELL was I smoking??I look back and it kind of grosses me out to be honest. I know he was a nice guy but all I can think about was his disgusting antics and how desperate I must have been to sit around a year ago today with Brandy and plan our wedding. So to correct myself, he was not the person who had everything I was looking for, actually I have that guy now and there is quite a big difference.

I read the post on New Year’s Day last year; it’s pretty funny. I said “I have big plans for this year.”  Boy was that the understatement of the year. I went from dreaming of a country wedding, to meeting Wood, to becoming pregnant, to getting a new job, to moving to the burbs, to getting fired, to becoming a very large and lame homemaker…. next stop….Mommy town!  CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA  I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN!

 My NYE plans this year include trying out the old lady next door’s hot dog toaster that she got for Christmas. I’m serious, Wood is on his way home and this is our plan, hopefully things won’t get too out of hand.

Well Happy New Year to you and yours!!

 

 

 

Thursday, December 12, 2013

strong shoulders carry big weights

They say that God will never give you more than you can handle, well God must think that I'm a bad ass!!

I am facing yet another minor obstacle, they denied my unemployment. I am not at liberty to discuss the reasons why at this time but I will point out the fact that my income, as of right now, is null and void. This would be the moment that I would normally drag my butt out on the pavement and start handing out resumes to pretty much anyone. But the fact I am a Wheedle Wobble and my strongest skill right now is trying not to tip over, I just don't know if there is a market for that right now. The percentage of people hiring folks that will be absent the first 6-8 weeks due to life giving obligations is probably low. So long story short I will be eating some berries off of the holly bush for breakfast and hit the samples at the food court in the mall for lunch. Merry Christmas!

All will be fine, because it has to be fine, I am an eternal broke ass with a positive attitude. Everyone around me (Quarter and Whitey) are very supportive, and everyone not around me cause they have jobs are being very supportive as well so that helps. I find myself in a familiar and very unfamiliar situation at the same time, this should be interesting. If I don't blog for a few weeks after this it means they have turned off my cable and internet and I am busy counting my teeth with my tongue. Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 6, 2013

bored

I am so bored!!!!!!!! Its nasty and raining and cold and I have nothing to do but sit here and wait to give birth. I now hate the TV and I don't have a good book to read. Today marks the 36th week I have been knocked up and they say I could go at any minute. So now I think every step I take, every move I make a baby may fall out. I find myself really concerned about the signs of labor. How will I know? When will I know? Will I freak out? I've been taking a survey from some of my friends on how they knew when they were in labor and everyone is different! No help at all, some say you'll just know, well I am hoping that is the case. I'll probably blame it on gas and go about my day.

I had a great Thanksgiving weekend last weekend, had more than I could handle going on, this weekend I got nothing and I may go crazy. Over the course of the weekend we had 6 obligations, including Marybeth's Aunt house. It was so gooooood to see you girl! Its been a while since I have seen a familiar face up in these parts. I got to sit around with MB and her sister (who has two babies) and got all new advise. Finally one of my ATL friends met Wood! Finally!

I got a present from Janeen the other day and she was cracking me up! I got cute clothes for Jesse, some lipstick for me and a card for Will. WHAT?! She addressed the card to Steph and Will. Correct first letter, wrong rest of the letters! Way way wrong! We don't want his first words to be goober, yuck. We've all made that mistake, hell I've called him Will but played it off by finishing the sentence with Hey Will.........you get me a glass of water? ! But it was pretty funny girl, thank you!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

its takes a village and a Target

Good news, the very unreliable picture taker of my unborn child was dead wrong.  I went to a second doctor, a high risk pregnancy doctor, because of the size of the baby and a small kidney issue. Well they made me feel all kinds of better when they informed me that the baby is in fact 5 1/2 lbs. and not 7 1/2! Shewy.

I need a new pair of shoes of all things, my shoe size has now grown to a whopping 10! Wood is a 15 and I am a 10 (this poor kid is gonna have big ol clown feet). I went to DSW in search for a cute, comfy, warm, slip-on shoe that was right around 99 cents. Seeing as I have no fashion sense, limited decision making skills and the fact that I can't bend over made shoes shopping experience right in line with cleaning the toilets with a tooth brush. The trip was a big fat fail, I left there with nothing and had to returned to the house and lay down.

I was telling Sarah about my problem while she was out an about running errands.  She told me she would look at the shoes at Target while she was there, take a picture of a pair she thought I would like  that had her approval so I could just run up to my Target and grab them, perfect. Well she couldn't get any phone service in the store to send me the pic, so being the nice, generous problem solver that she is, just decided to buy a pair of boots that fit my description, went straight to the post office and mailed them. She made sure I would get them today so I would have a comfortable Thanksgiving. Sarah saves the day!!!!! She said she wished she could just give me a hug but this was the next best thing after the rough couple of days I had. Well I am all excited to get them today; I went to Macys and bought something to wear for tomorrow that I will take back on Friday to go with my new shoes. I got home and the postman totally left me a pink slip for me to go get them from the post office. DANGIT! I ran to the post office with 10 minutes to spare before closing. The guy behind the counter tells me he is still out on his route. Are you kidding me??!! He saw my disappointment, I told him I needed that package and that my comfort on Thanksgiving depended on it. The guy did me a favor and gave me the guy’s route. Next thing I know I am on a PostManhunt. I am totally driving around town looking for this mail truck. Guess what, I totally tracked him down!!! I saw him, turned the corner on two wheels, went around him, threw it in park and blocked him from going anywhere. I popped out of my car; he was so nice and was glad to give me my packages. I had three boxes which is why he didn't leave them at the house. Victory!! I got my shoes and I love them!! Thanks again girl!

My friend Melissa sent me a bunch of hand-me-down baby stuff  in the other two boxes, which I can't wait to dive in to. I love my friends!

Last night, Brandy also saved the day. She took me out for a steak dinner at Long Horn because she had a meeting up this and it worked out perfectly. As we are eating and laughing, she was like; “do you have a bra on?” Nope, I surly do not. “Stephanie!” Well I grew out of them and I am not buying anymore, I didn't think you could tell under this hoody. Apparently it was quite obvious. So after dinner we go straight to Target and she bought me a couple of bras against my will. I insisted I didn't need them and she said it was not about me, that she is the one who has to look at me and I need a bra. I wore it today; I had no idea how much difference it made.

Ok last thing before I start my Thanksgiving extravaganza that’s starts with a visit with Marybeth up here near Nashville (more on that after tomorrow). I just got a few texts from Crazypants!! (the guy from POF who wanted me to shave my head, the psychotic song writer who I thought left my life over a year ago). He is still thinks he has a shot, whatever...IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE!

Ok Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

baby got back

7 pounds and 3 ounces is that we are looking at over here and we still have 7 more weeks to go!!!
AAAHHH!! I guess that's what I get for having a 6'7" baby daddy. I was wondering why it feels like a baby is propping his legs up on my diaphragm, because he is!! Geez Jesse, your mom can't breathe son. I found out this fat baby news yesterday at the doctor and I promptly took myself to Krispy Kreme.

My mobility is very limited, I went on a walk today and it took forever! The tiny hill in my neighborhood looked like Mt. Everest and bending over to tie my shoe was a real adventure. I was wondering how being unemployed would affect the only luxury I really can't do anything about, a pedicure. There is no reaching these toes but have no fear, Wood came through in a pinch and actually cut my toenails for me (what a nice boy, I was truly touched). I am gonna wait a couple of days and see how he feels about removing the toenail polish (baby steps). I am hoping I will find away to get these bad boys painted by the time I gotta show them off at the hospital as I deliver a line backer who will most likely drive us all home.


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

yay! love all around!

Holy crap! That damn Meredith strikes again! She took pictures throughout the entire baby shower and I was expecting her to emailing them to me, nope! I just got another picture book in the mail she created of my baby shower! Girl you are amazing, thank you thank you thank you! I love love love it, you captured it quite nicely and I will treasure it always.

Ok here is how it all went down. My mom and dad arrived first; they had a few things in tow including the chest of drawers my dad made for the nursery, so awesome it looks so good in the nursery. Mom made something I can hang Jesse's pics on in the nursery along with a few other gifts, including a framed piece of art my Grandma Jessie stitched, a gift from Jessie to Jesse.

As the rest of the girls trickled in I got more and more excited. I had girls there from way back in my high school days, college days, old job days all the way up to nowadays. Brandy, Sarah, Amber and Julia really did a good job of laying out a comfortable environment for everyone to gather. My shower was pretty painless, just a group of girls socializing and giving me presents nothing wrong with that!

Sarah told me that I needed to make a quick speech thanking people for coming. So before we opened the presents I started rambling on and on about I don't even know what. I had nothing prepared and it was quite obvious. I couldn't remember anyone's name, I thanked Julia for opening up her home and called her the "house lady" and then I attempted a few more words in what I will now call Train Wreck speech USA.  We all gathered around the presents and I got to see how it feels for people to sit a watch me open presents. Unwrapping foreign objects for babies was comical and just plain awkward. The first gift I opened were these brown fuzzy things that you put over the seat belt so it doesn't rub against the baby's skin. I took one look at these things and said "cute slippers!" After I was corrected by multiple people I could not stop laughing, like seriously could not stop and people watching me did not help. I was crying, make-up running down my face, was sweating from the combination of wearing a sweater, embarrassment and heat lamps above me. From there on out I was a mess, I got so hot I got up in the middle of the present opening, left everyone sitting there and changed into a T-shirt for the remainder of the day.  That pretty much set the tone for some more hilarious moments as I proceeded to get called out for calling the baby monitor "walkie talkies" , the teething items "chew toys", the hats "bonnets" and whatever was disguised in the big raisin box, raisins. I pretty much just laughed the entire time and Meredith caught it all on tape. At one point someone leaned over to Wood’s mom and said “you live close by right?” She said “yes but I may have move closer.” I got some really good stuff including the crib (all my Decatur girls chipped in for that) car seat (Brandy and Sarah chipped in for that) and then many items I will find very helpful.

Kathy Goodwin brought one of her world famous cakes. She never disappoints with these bad boys, it’s such a great way to display a talent that shows love, patience and thoughtfulness. Amber framed a few of my pictures she took at he photo shoot and had them displayed at the shower, which was a very nice touch, I mean who doesn’t like a room full of yourself?  My Mom cut out a section of a wire fence, attached a chain for hanging purposes on the back for me display Jesse's pics on the wall, so creative, love it! I put Jesse’s sonogram pics on it during the shower, along with some of my own art work when I was a small child, Thanks Mommy. Sarah gave me two onsies, one Steeler and one Titan’s onsie. They both have Caldwell and the #1 on the back; I was asked to please take a video of me showing the Steeler one to Wood, as we all know has no sense of humor when it comes to Steelers. When I got home I told him Sarah sent him a present, "it better not be anything Steelers" he said. I showed him and he jokingly said, “he better not catch Jesse wearing that or he’ll show him the river" ha-ha, ok whatever Tony Soprano. Then I showed him the Titans one, he immediately took a picture of it and sent it to all his friends and now wants to drive to Pittsburgh to hang out with Sarah.

It was really great to see everyone and to be amongst folks who I adore. Woods's Mom and Grandma drove all the way down from Nashville to be there so I thought that was really nice. After the shower ended I realized that I didn't even mention my own mother in my “train wreck speech" geeeeezzzz!!! Sorry Madre!!! Sorry Padre! I was all rattled and overwhelmed so I forgot to mention both my parents!!! Well little did they know that wasn't the end of the speech, the rest goes like this:

And I would like to thank my mom and dad for coming! These two people mean the most to me in this world. They make me laugh, they keep me remembering that the little things keep us happy and since they have made it their mission to make me the best person I can, it’s the least I can do to give them their first grandson, Jesse Brooks. I know you guys have wanted this for long ling time and most likely gave up on the idea, so here you go mom and dad, a little boy to carry on the awesome qualities you gave me, to keep you young and spirited! I love you!

 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

bowl full of jelly

I have no idea where to start, last Friday, Saturday and Sunday was the best. I got to see all the people who make my world go round and then some. Friday night, chillin with my girls Brandy and Sarah totally set the tone for a weekend of non-stop laughs. I think I found another side effect to the this pregnancy thing, its called no brakes on the belly laugh. When something cracks me up, I start laughing and its really hard to stop!  The next thing I know I am crying, sweating and actually trying to stop laughing as I shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly (its a great problem to have). Sarah arrived shortly after we did and Julia (Brandy's mom) had some enchiladas waiting on us. Sarah did notice the crappy wrap job that poor Brandy did on the present they both got me (car seat). Bless her heart, the wrapping paper she had wasn't enough to cover the big box so she was forced to make a mad dash to the store and purchase a table cloth to wrap it in (one that you could see right through). I think Brandy has been hanging out with me too long cause she was putting the final piece of tape on it as Sarah was walking through the door, she didn't want Sarah to think we drove all the way down to Georgia with an unwrapped gift that I of course did not peek at.  We sat down in the living room and caught up on each others lives. Its so awesome when two of my very best friends get along as well as they do. We sat around for hours, so tired but none of us wanted to go to bed even though it well passed 1am.We finally said our good nights and hit the hay.

The next morning I woke up to some coffee talk with the girls and then I was off to the showers. I had to get ready for my very first photo shoot and I was excited! I am so glad that I had my in-house glam squad on stand by to help me out with the getting ready part. I learned that brownish mauve is not the most becoming shade of lipstick and that hair spray is not the main ingredient for every hair style. After I got approval on an outfit, my hair and make-up done Brandy and I were off to Canton to hang out at a deserted Loft/Mill that created some really cool backgrounds for my pics. Amber is really good at what she does and I got to reap the benefits of her talents. I now have the memory of my first child in my belly captured on tape and for that I will always be grateful, thank you so much girl.

We got back home and all of us girls decided to split up, go our separate ways and hang out with different friends. I chose to swing by Stuart's house, see him and his family, it was a great quick drive-by visit. I got to hang out with Stu and his wife Steph for a tiny bit and catch up with them. Then I headed to Decatur to hang with the crew for the GA/Fla game. It was good to see my peeps, we had a great time hanging out and watching GA barely beat Florida, but a win is a win! There was a few kids there, Meredith brought her little boy, he is somewhere around 17 months and I just kept picturing me chasing around a little boy. If my boy is half as cute as this one I am one lucky mommy.

After the game I went back to Woodstock to reconvene with the girls. We proceeded to go to the store to get the food for the shower at like 9pm the night before. Julia was about to flip out over our lack of preparation. We got home at like 10 put the stuff away and stayed up for a little bit BSing and we were off to bed. Julia was not having it, she was not about to go to sleep knowing we hadn't done one thing. This shower is for a girl who calls herself Spazwell and I think they were just trying to follow suit.  So needless to say, Julia stayed up half the night getting the food ready for the shower, she just couldn't take it.

Ok its feeding time, gotta go, stay tuned for part two of the shower weekend.....

Friday, November 1, 2013

baby party

Ok its time to take this 4lb, breached, fully haired boy with an attitude on a road trip! Jesse Brandy, and I are heading to Atlanta today in Wood's truck for an entire weekend of soaking up my peeps and feeling the love. I cannot wait! I need this so bad. Wood is not coming and I am very sad, but I had to make my peace with the fact that the dogs can't watch themselves and the dog sitter backed out at the 9th hour. Its gonna suck not being able to introduce the people I love to the man I love but its not in the cards. So I will look forward to a girls night tonight and the activities to follow.

I shall return with some stories, hopefully all good.

Monday, October 28, 2013

liar liar

Wood and I got in this deep talk about telling the truth. We found out that his cousin's girlfriend has been lying to her parents for over 2 years now! That is how long she has been living with her boyfriend and not with friends. I have no idea how she has not slipped up by now. She is 26-years-old, in a committed relationship, is now even engaged to him. She says that they are very religious and would not understand. So I guess deception is better than living in sin. The kicker is they live 15 minutes away from each other!!! Wow. Wood hates a liar and is convinced that if she is lying about this to them, then she is lying about other stuff. This topic got me thinking. I also pride myself on not being a liar. First of all, I am horrible at it, secondly, if I tell the truth, I don't have to remember anything. BUT, I have actually been sitting on a lie for about 20 years now.  I swore I would tell my dad on my wedding day, and since I have not had that confessional wedding day yet, I am still sitting on this lie...until the other day. Wood convinced that I should just get it over with so that is what I did.

My dad bought me my first car, a 1985 Mazda RX7 Turbo and the one thing I had to promise was that I would never let anyone drive it, ever. I agreed and he turned over the keys. I loved the car and obeyed my dad, until I didn't. I let my BFF Angie's boyfriend, Todd and his friend Sam drive it to the gas station. Shortly after they left I got a call, they freakin wrecked it!!!! Damnit!!! They claimed that they hit an oil spot while turning into the gas station, forcing the wheel to collapse into the axel. Great just great, after a freak-out session, I decided to take full blame for this accident. My dad wasn't that mad, he said it was just an accident and he had it fixed. It cost $600 and I remember feeling very guilty since I knew he didn't havet hat kind of money just lying around. Somehow he made it happen.

I told my dad the other day and he when I told him who really was driving he said eeewww. He knew they were trouble, and since one is dead from drugs and the other is in prison for drugs, he was right. He said he loved me for telling him and that was that. And now I feel much better.

I recommend coming clean if you are holding in a lie....it feels great!

Friday, October 25, 2013

10 more weeks to go!!!!

Yesterday we will call the first post-fire funk day. The virus on my computer didn't help things. The only reason I am glad it’s Friday is that it marks the end of a very long week. Oh and it marks the 30th week I am pregnant, which means we are in the 10 weeks homestretch woo hoo!!

My back is furious that I am lugging around all this extra weight and I honestly don't think the skin on my stomach can stretch any further. People ask me all the time if I am having twins....nope just a small pony I say. I am trying not to complain but every day it gets harder and harder, why does my back hurt more when I lie down? I didn't sleep at all last night, maybe tonight I'll stuff myself into the coat closet, prop myself up on the vacuum cleaner and sleep standing up.

One week from today I get a change of scenery!! Wood and I are traveling to Georgia for a weekend of fun!! My homies Brandy, Sarah and Amber are throwing my me very own shower and I am pumped! Wood gets to spend Friday night with Brandy, Sarah, Brandy's mother and myself, lucky boy! I am so grateful for these gals, it means so much that they are taking time out of their lives to make sure my baby doesn't have to use the chest of drawers as a bed or bubble wrap as a car seat.

Dear, sweet Amber is giving me a pregnancy photo shoot as a gift. She is a fantastic photographer and her skills will be put to the test. We will see how well she will do at not making me look like a water buffalo; bring your wide lens girl, just sayin! I owe this girl a very belated birthday shout out!! This girl is so thoughtful and generous, she makes sure I am equipped with the necessities of life including friendly cards in the mail and I can't even manage to send her a birthday card. I am so thankful for you Amber, happy belated birthday and I love you!

 

Sarah is flying down from Pittsburgh for the entire weekend! I haven't seen her face in sooooo long and I am so excited!!! Brandy is the best for many reasons; this one is for offering up her Mother's house so all my old cronies can gather in one place before I am chained to nursery.

 
I plan on hanging with my Decatur crew for the GA/Fla game on Saturday. So this jam packed weekend can't get here soon enough!  The only who is excused is Marybeth, only because she will be at the game, lucky ducky. Oh and big preesh of the correction on the spelling of sauerkraut MB....after the fact (I thought it looked a little strange).

 

Ok back to my busy day!

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

decisions decisions

I just made my To Do list and it is evident that that pesky job was really getting in the way. I have a million things to do! For one I must call around and correct a few people on my address. I have been going around town telling folks my wrong zip code. What is up with me and my personal information, we are not connecting. I did figure out a way around getting bills in the mail so it’s not all bad. Sarah somehow had no trouble even with the wrong zip code. Her Starbucks gift card arrived just fine, she figured out a way for us to have coffee together again, even if it is over the phone, thanks girl!

Wood and I usually do our grocery shopping together so we can both get what we want and split the cost. We are both extremely indecisive so this could potentially be an all-day project. But he says I help him with his decision making process. When I am with him he is forced to make snap decisions, someone has to (I will admit that I take longer to pick out bacon than it did the Camry). It’s become quite comical that I must have everything picked out in my mind before I even reach the store. No stopping to linger in the cereal aisle for 30 minutes or pause to pick out a yogurt, nope, it’s a snooze or lose situation. I was busted with two boxes of crackers in my hand once, as I studied the boxes, he picked one out of my hand threw it in the basket and we moved on. One may complain about his tactics but I on the other hand I need this sort of discipline, this was quite evident when I went to the grocery store by myself yesterday to get stuff for dinner. I took my cook book with me to the store, mistake # 1. I had picked out a kielbasa cheese casserole because we had most of the ingredients and then I realized before I got out the car that is sounded gross. So I proceeded to go through the whole “Fix it and Forget it” crockpot cookbook that my mom gave me while sitting in the car. My objective was to find something different yet cheap. I picked out chicken and dumplings. I got in the store and started picking out the ingredients, as I read it, it appeared to be quite complex and would take way to long for my time frame (I am very busy). So I put all the ingredients back and went back to the cookbook while strolling down the aisle. I chose kielbasa and sour croute, not knowing if Wood likes either (he told me once that he would eat anything so I ran with it). The recipe called for 1 lb. of kielbasa, 64 ounces of sour croute, one bay leave and one onion. Done and done. I get home; cut up the 14 oz. of meat the package had to offer, cut up the small onion, threw a leaf in and piled on too huge jars of sour croute on top of my pour ingredience who didn’t stand a chance. I thought that this was a bit much, but who am I to argue with the recipe? So now I have the smell of sour croute oozing through the house for the next 5 hours. Long story short, Wood hates sour croute. We got a big laugh out of the fact that I now have a pot filled with a condiment for dinner; he said I may as well have a big pot of relish on the stove. So I fished out the 8 pieces of meat, put them in a Tupperware and fed him left over potato soup, a Brandy recipe that was a big hit.

So now I gotta focus on fighting for the bonus that I never got from Servpro. I was promised a bonus when I left that place. After months and months of nagging them about it I was finally told that after an audit they discovered that I had been “manipulating data in the system to get previous bonuses” and that I would not be getting one this time. WHAT???!!! You are saying that I was cooking the books for my financial benefit?!! Do you have any idea who you are talking to? You honestly think that I am that calculated?! How in the world would I even go about doing something like that, you are giving me way too much credit! I am still badgering the owner of the company to stop, think and prove his accusations of me being a thief and an extortionist! I am taking this matter very serious and won’t rest until my innocence has prevailed. I left there with an option for a letter of recommendation and now I am being accused of fraud?!

Why does having a job always equal some type of scandal in my world? You can take my money, harass me, lie to me, lie about me, sue me, fire me, lay me off, accuse me, knock me down but you can’t take my dusty clothes! I’ll just get back up, dust myself off and keep on keepin on. I bet the people working at the Shell Station don’t have these types of problems. They just get to hang out and serve the people with a stress free smile on their face every day, it’s very tempting.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

chapter 46

I started this blog over two years ago so I could document my new life in TN. Well today I am marking the day of the newest chapter in Spazwell world. I have once again found myself jobless. Its I almost like I am not meant to work for a living or something. It’s not important on the details of this new development right now. We are focusing on the positive and the fact that I can blog on the reg again. We are not focusing on the fact that I am going to give birth in 10 weeks and 3 days and have no job. We are gonna stay away from the subject (for now) that some people think it’s okay give a pregnant girl her walking papers, it’s all good, this is a blessing NOT in disguise. I don’t care about feeling totally isolated while on house arrest in Goodlettsville. I don’t want to waste a dollar on gas to the store until another form of income comes my way, come on unemployment!

I woke up today and decided that nothing was gonna get me down, not even the mysterious tiny piece of glass in my slipper that cut the bottom of my toe when I slipped them on this morning. Some girls get a glass slipper; I get glass in my slipper. I get it, loud and clear.

Yesterday was my first day testing out my house wife skills; I cleaned, did laundry and had dinner on the table when Wood walked in the door, chili nachos.

At least I have a boy who cracks me up on daily basis. I could be all down in the dumps and Wood will start talking exactly like Obama or he will sing Aaron Nevel’s version of the Cotton commercial or my new fav, the Cher impression. Yes I do believe in life after love Wood, especially since I am still laughing the following morning at your rendition of that song. Sunday I brought pregnancy brain to a whole new level. Wood has been to every Titans game and likes to go all out, so I drop him off and pick him up so he can have a few beers and not worry about the consequences. I dropped him off this past Sunday and true to form he forgot his phone at home. So I wrote down my number for him so he could call me when he was ready to be picked up. The game ended and I didn’t hear from Wood for a while but figured he was drowning his sorrows over another loss. Nope, he was trying to track down my number since I wrote down the wrong one. He calls, “um Stephanie your number is 491 not 419, I have been sending pictures to this lady from the game, then asked her for a ride home and she is mad! I had to call all over town and now everyone knows you don’t know your own number. I finally got it from my Pop.” Ooopsy, I never claimed to be good with numbers.

Ok well sitting her talking with you all, listening to the Bert Show, sipping coffee was great, I am gonna do it all again tomorrow!

Thursday, October 3, 2013

90 days to go!!!

Its confrontation week this week, starring yours truly! The night before last, I find myself and 2 old hags in a full blown argument one street down from mine. I am on a walk with one of the dogs and he hikes his leg on a fire hydrant. This lady comes out of nowhere and starts yelling at me, “Your dog better not be going to bathroom in my yard!” He’s not. “I just saw him.” He peed on a fire hydrant which is aloud, its public property and that’s what it’s there for! “I pay taxes on that fire hydrant!” So does everyone lady and this sidewalk we are walking on is also public property that we all pay taxes on! Then her life partner whizzes around the corner shakin her finger at me, “Don’t let that dog go to the bathroom in this yard!” He’s not, calm down!!!!! He is not even in your yard!!! “Well dogs do it all the time and your dog is no different.” Whatever lady. “I’ll take a picture and have the city come pick him up!” Go right ahead; take as many pictures as you want!!! “Don’t talk to me like that!!” You don’t talk to me like that! “That’s it I gonna go get my camera and I am coming after him!!” Ok bye! And I just walk off. Today, once again, minding my own business, sitting in car in the Wal-Mart parking lot and this lady’s shopping cart just comes barreling over and hits my car. This lady looks directly at me, walks over and rolls it away without saying a word. I jump out of my car and ask her if she saw her cart hit my car. “Yea”, she said expressionless. Were you not going to say anything? She said, “No, it wasn’t my fault, it was the winds fault,” Oh ok well you could at least apologize on the wind’s behalf! How bout I take this cart and slam it in to your car and blame it on the wind?! Would you like that??!! She just gets in her car drives off while I proceed to call her a rude bitch. I mean seriously, what is wrong with people??!! I know if I do something I am going to take responsibility for it. Like the time I am cleaning out the fridge and I have a huge bowl of pasta that we can’t seem to put a dent in. It’s an entire box of plain elbow pasta. Wood hates wasting food so in my attempt to hide the fact that I am tossing like 5 lbs. of pasta I pour in down the disposal. Well the damn thing was not built for this sorta magnitude of starch so its spinning its wheels but nothing is happening like half way through the pile. The drain clogs and there is a pile and of shredded pasta in the disposal that is not going anywhere. Crap! Brandy is heading over shortly and I promised her I would cook for her and so far I haven’t even made it to the store yet. So while Wood is outside cutting grass I figured I had time to run the store, get my food, race back, get the food going and then work on my drain problem. When I am at the store, Wood calls me to see what the heck is going on and why did I leave the sink clogged. “Did you leave to get draino?” he asks. Um no. “Well what happened?” I put some pasta down the disposal. “The whole bowl?!!” No no no, just some, I put most of it the trash. I get home and both sinks are clogged, water is leaking under the sink, the floor is wet, Wood has removed everything from under the sink and I know I in trouble. I play innocent as he dismantles the P-trap, he looks at me and I am so busted! The pipes are jam packed with shredded pasta. Damnit! I got busted fibbing and wasting food! All the while his beloved Titans are starting and I still haven’t started cooking and the kitchen is now a disaster. He got the sink unclogged; now it leaks and we need to get a new disposal. That’s what gets for lying and not taking responsibility, I may as well have slammed my grocery cart into someone’s car and blamed it on a little kid. Hopefully my karma is gonna get back on track, I am having a baby exactly 3 months from today!!!

Saturday, September 14, 2013

24 down....16 to go!

Whole new dynamic this football season.  We got this guy who could care less about “amateur football” aka college football and a girl who is an obnoxious Georiga fan. We have super duper  die hard Titans fan and a girl who is now second guessing her Steeler loyalty. I so found out that being a Steeler fan is no longer a fun thing. They played against each other last week and I got sent to my room after cheering on the very first play. He HATES the Steelers and not in a jokey jokey way like either.  I told him to stop being a baby but that didn’t help. So I let him have his Titans (since he has “been with them since they were born”) I kept my mouth shut and yes eventually made my way to the bedroom.  Actually any excuse to lay in my bed on a Sunday and watch TV is not necessarily a punishment. We made a deal, I can hoot and holler as loud as I want with the Dawgs (even if they are beating the pants off TN) if I don’t wear any Steeler garb in the house, actually all my Steeler garb has to go in the trunk of my car. I am still trying to figure out if this battle is worth fighting, I guess I’ll see how I feel tomorrow.
I announced I was retiring from walking the dogs cause they are getting to be too strong for me and my current state. Wood instead showed me the proper way to walk them so I would have more control and they won’t pull me anymore. The new tactic worked the first time I used it, both dogs were walking side by side on my right side, Quarter (the rotty) fell behind a little but that’s normal cause he is older and I was concentrating so hard on keeping Whitey under control and a keeping up with his pace, I didn’t notice that Quarter had gotten out of his collar and was like 50 yards behind trying to keep up. Holy crap! I seriously had no idea that we left a man behind. Poor Quarter, I was laughing out loud for like two to four blocks.
Jesse is doing all kinds of flips inside my tummy on a regular basis, it’s a daily all day occurrence which is cool that way I know things are ok. I went to the doc on Tuesday just to find out that I had gained 10 lbs. in 3 weeks!!! (I am up 43 lbs. total) seeing these types of numbers on the scale is truly blowing my mind. The doc asked if I was eating junk…Uh heck yea, I was told this is the time to indulge so that is what I am doing, along with healthy stuff of course. I told her after each meal I like to have dessert; she suggested dessert maybe once a week. Ok well I think my definition of dessert is about to change. Donuts are not a dessert; they are a mid-morning snack between my second breakfast and my first lunch.
I wanna give a long overdue thank you to my pal Sarah for the CUTIE CUTIE onsies!!! I can’t wait for Jesse to try them on, thanks girl. We are gonna go pick out paint colors today for the nursery!! YAY! Wood wants it “Interstate Battery” green and have posters of NASCAR crashes on the wall. I guess he will be staying up nights to comfort Jesse and his nightmares.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

kick me its kick off time!!!

I am seriously going to start counting how many times I go to the bathroom a day, it’s gotta be record breaking. Lately I will literally be walking out of the bathroom ready to make a U-turn back in, where is all this coming from?

Anyway.....finally College Football is here, something to look forward to on the weekends! I am not sure who is more excited Me or Baby Jesse?! I am guessing the Baby Branch is all kinds of pumped about the Dawgs kickoff tonight since he just kicked me for the first time!!! I was lying in bed when it happened and it freaked me out! Everyone says that it will really hit me that I have a human growing inside of me when your baby starts to kick; well I am not sure if I still believe it. Brandy said I needed to start working towards believing it since it’s happening in 4 months! The only thing I know is I have fat cankles flowing over my ankle socks, it’s all very sexy.

So I decided after many people asking me, "Have you and Wood dropped the L bomb?" “Um no, we don't want to rush it” I always say. I decided it was time and my approach was cuter in my head. I made him a heart shaped chocolate on chocolate cake with red hots spelling out I Love You on top. He got home from work and I told him to turn around that I had a surprise. He turned around and his first words were, “Where did you find a heart shaped pan?" Did you make yourself a chocolate cake?”  “Um yes, but what about what it says on the cake?” Aw I love you too he says. Um you sure about that? He was a little put off since he knows I know he hates sweets especially chocolate on chocolate.  He claims if he has to eat cake he is a white cake supremacist. He said if I would have put it on some fried chicken that would have been awesome. He said it’s like I don't know him at all. I put the cake away, didn't touch it, and went to bed crying (secretly crying). It was a big fat fail. He had no idea that I was nervous about it and that was the first cake I think I’ve ever baked.  He came in there after he walked the dogs and said he did love me, I told him no he didn’t and that was fine, he could tell me on his own time. He insisted he did and I asked "since when?" “Since the first day I met you”, he then said was I good for him. I said "so are carrots but that doesn't mean you love them" So that was that and we went to sleep. He then sent a text the next day saying it again so it’s all good I just learned a lesson, pick something they love to say I love you on, it was a whole love/hate kinda mixed message.

 

I wanted to give a big belated birthday shout out to Clare, hey girl! Also Mi Madre, went and spent the weekend with her last weekend while my dad and brother were out of town. My cousin was there because she took my mom to chemo the day before so we all had girl’s night that my mom really enjoyed, she never gets to hang with the girls, especially on her birthday.

 

Well I guess I am gonna go get my game face on... GO DAWGS!

 

 

 

Friday, August 16, 2013

HUMP month!!


Today marks the halfway point down the road to being in charge of another human! 20 weeks ago today my life changed forever! Now I get to sit at home on a Friday night and wonder why I am sitting at home on a Friday night...again. It can get depressing having little reality checks along the way, like I now live in the burbs and my only friend is my Babydaddy and Brandy (Kelly disappeared again). Babydaddy actually has a life and Brandy is over an hour away so that leaves all you guys. Thanks for listening and making me seem like I am not a loser just going through some life changes that I am not ready for. I talk to several baby advisors on the reg but Megan is actually going through this with me. She is due in October which means she is a couple months a head of time and can keep me in the loop on the specifics in real time. The time is flying by like I had hoped and I remember the beginning of this journey like it was yesterday. Wood and I were just starting to date, oh wait that was yesterday, ha. We were just starting to date and I am having unusual symptoms, fatigue (I fell asleep on the couch in the middle of day…red alert!), sore boobs, sharp moods, and of course I am late. Brandy tells me I need to go get a test and see. No no I am fine, I am not pregnant, I am just late due to stress blah blah. A week goes by and nothing so Wood and I decided to go to dinner on a Monday and take one after. I let Brandy know the plan and she proceeds to wait on pins and needles. We talk ourselves out of taking the test and decided to wait a few more days. Brandy is now blowing my phone up wondering what is taking so long, so I text her and tell we are going to wait. My phone rings....”the HELL YOU ARE! Stop at the CVS right now and take the damn test!” Um yes ma'am, it’s not often I get scolded so I listen (and not to mention she has a crazy Spidey sense)so I make a beeline for the drugstore. By the time we get there I had to use the bathroom so bad that I grab a test with two in the box, pull one out of the box, hand the box to Wood and sprint to the bathroom. I am not exactly an expert in pregnancy test taking but how hard can it be, pee on the stick and a few minutes, no need to read the instructions. I soak the stick for like 5 minutes, threw it in my purse and ran out of there (wrapping it in paper towels of course). I get up to the counter and Wood has a pregnancy test and a 12 pack of Busch Light on the counter. The cashier just starts to laugh (I think it was because of the Busch light, who drinks that?) and we make our way to the truck for the moment of truth. We take the test out and it is like all jacked up, it says nothing really; there is not even a line in the control window. I take this a solid NO on being pregnant; we both breathe and report back to the lady waiting on the edge of her seat. She was confused, “I thought for sure you were..hhhmm ok.” We get back to my apartment, Wood drops me off, I call Brandy, and she is not convinced. We then decide that I need to go to bed, wake up and take the other test. That is exactly what I did. I read the instructions this time;  it says to soak for no more than 5 seconds (not 5 minutes) and lay flat (don't put in purse). And BAM it takes all of one second to light up like a Christmas tree...POSTIVE! Holy crap. I make my first call to Brandy cause it is 530am....she picks up the phone, doesn't even look to see who it is and says "you're pregnant aren’t you?" Yep. Holy Crap (long conversation of total confusion to follow). After pacing and letting the fog set in over my brain I call Wood.  His first words when he answers the phone "You took the other test didn't you?" Yes. Holy Crap. He took it very well, was eerily calm and therefore, so was I. I think shock is not over rated and comes in real handy when your mind can't comprehend. I stayed like that was for the next 4 days. 

 

 

Monday, August 12, 2013

3rd time is not always a charm


I am not gonna give you a load of crap and say I am going to start blogging every day; I do however will say I will start blogging every week. It’s hard ya'll! I am just starting to get into a routine and blogging comes with sitting straight up at a desk like I do all day long so it’s not that appealing. But I do miss talking to all my friends so I need to make it work. Let’s face it, I am not exactly Miss Popularity our here, so pretending like you all are listening to me intently feels better than hanging out by myself. Things are way different than when I started this blog 2 years ago. Yes 2 years! I used to be Single Stephanie in a one bed room apartment that I could get to in 10 minutes after work and really had nothing else to do but blog. NOW I go to work, (my new drive is very mentally draining, it’s very busy, I am training, overwhelmed and I have pregnancy tired brain that doesn't help) then I get in the car drive 45 minutes, get home and play house. I get home walk the dogs, either cook dinner or clean up after dinner and then hang out with Wood for a few minutes in front of the Tube then its bed time. I told Wood my dilemma on the not having time to blog and he told me to not walk the dogs and blog instead, so I shut them out of my office and they are in the hall crying and wondering why I am ignoring them. I want to also point out I get called over to the neighbor’s house a couple times a week’s cause she is constantly giving me baked goods. I just inhaled half a banana nut cake before dinner and now I am regretting it. My eating habits are out of control. I literally ordered half of the menu at a local country diner the other morning. Every weekend is spent moving stuff out, in or away, we are in the midst of a long work in progress project getting situated and when I do have a few minutes to spare it is spent on the couch. Yesterday sucked, no Sunday Funday for me. Wood and I had plans with another couple to cookout at their house Saturday day, the girl left around 5 to go out and that was my cue to escape and head for the couch. I left Wood there to have a boy’s night fishing. I went to pick him up the next morning and I freakin get pulled over….again! I thought for sure that me being pregnant would help so I worked it. I told him that I was speeding because I hadn't had any breakfast and I was in a hurry to find something to eat cause I was about to faint, which was actually true. He took my license, went back to the ca, he told me I could get out and walk around if need be, so I shamelessly walk around with my hand on my forehead sticking out my belly with my other hand on my lower back.  Well I guess he was not moved by my performance because I got a ticket. I guess 3rd time is not a charm in the criminal world. This would be 3 strikes and I am out! The 2 warnings I got not too long ago weren't enough for me I had to go and get a ticket! He then made me go to the nearest fast food restaurant (Burger King) and he insisted on following me there. Um doesn't he understand that Burger King is gross and I have been holding out for a Dunkin Donuts and that is the reason I got pulled over in the first place?! I had to eat a gross croissant while the cop sat there and basically watched. I already was in the car for far longer than I wanted because I thought my TomTom was taking me the long way and I know a short cut, I don't know a short cut! All I know is long cuts so this day was not starting off good. Then we go home and ordered a pizza....it was from Jets and equally disgusting! Then I fell while walking the dog later so I immediately think I harmed the baby, hopefully I am just paranoid. So I decided to reside to my bed and watch crap TV. Hopefully this next week will be better….I will let you know…

 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I think I am back...large and in charge

I am so ready to get back into a routine but its happening slower that I thought. I moved up north and finally got cable and Internet this past weekend, so yay! I have my own little office set up so that makes me happy. I am so tired right now though I should started this earlier. I got home, walked the dogs, and then the 93 year old neighbor wanted to beat my ear into the ground about this and that, but she is making my baby boy a blanket so I can't really cut her off to go blog. Did I say boy? Yes I said boy! We are have a baby boy branch! Super excited! Well I was, Wood had his heart set on a little girl to call Sunny, but I am thinking he will just have to get over that. In order to make him feel better I had to promise the next one would be a girl...what? Anyhoo, my life is crazy as always, this past week, we got a new bed with my dad's help,so I can finally sleep! I haven't slept in weeks mostly cause all the beds I had to choose from sucked, which confused me cause I thought pregnant people were known for their sleeping abilities no matter what!So I am very excited about my brand new memory foam mattress! I also got a pregnancy pillow to help with my back, so I am set, cable check, Internet check, bed check, smile check. I also got a gift card from my Aunt Becky for some maternity clothes! Excellent timing, me and my 21 extra pounds are quickly growing out of my first batch that Amber sent up. I feel great though, I am loving my new life, I think God said, "hey girlfriend, you have paid your dues, I am gonna hook you up! Here is a wonderful man, a house, and new job,a neighbor who makes blankets round the clock and a healthy baby boy... so enjoy!" So I am! I am slowing letting it all sink so I can embrace it. When I say that our neighbor make blankets around the clock I am not kidding, I am sitting on two of them right now. Ok I must go climb into my new bed, until tomorrow....

Sunday, July 7, 2013

whatever Comcast

When I said this was going to be my year I didn’t know that meant cram as many life changing events in one year as humanly possible. But true to Spaz form that seems to be what is happening. Let’s see, so far this year I have signed up to have a baby, if it wasn’t enough to prepare to be in charge of another human, I thought it would be good idea to also start a new job. Oh and wait let’s not forget the new boy in my life, since he is in the picture let’s throw in moving for good measure. Wood didn’t like the idea of me being all pregnant by myself in my one bedroom apartment so we have been looking for a house to rent. During our search one became available, his Grandmothers. She had to move in with his mom due to health issues, so her house became vacant, still fully furnished and in need of an occupant. Ding ding ding jackpot! Now we are moving to the burbs, in a 3 bedroom house on a cold-de-sac. It is literally just like Wisteria Ln from Desperate Housewives. Everyone is always working in their well-manicured yards, raking, gardening and gossiping. I am sure these people are in need of some new material and Wood and I will be glad to provide that to them. I am not sure if they are ready for the pit-bull, the Rottweiler, the Wood, the knocked up Spaz. Anyway, I am slowly moving up there, I broke my lease and I have til the end of the month to move out of my apartment. I am back to being a nomad going in between houses and the house I have been spending the most time at does not have internet or cable (now I know what I know what Laura Ingles felt like). I thought we were getting all that stuff on the 6th but nope. Comcast has to run a cable underground first so it’s going to be another 2 weeks! That is why I said I would start blogging again on the 6th, but nope, still gonna have to blog whenever I stop by apartment and when I do that it’s to get a car load of stuff so it’s hard. So be just a bit more patient on the regular posts, the 20th is the new date on regular living. Me and no cable has been interesting, I have had to read, talk to people and do chores, it’s exhausting! Most of my usual activities have been taken away from me so all I want to do is watch TV, the one guilty pleasure that is left that won’t hurt the baby. When Comcast put a screeching halt to my dreams yesterday, I have been in hiding at my apartment watching TV. I told Wood I needed some Stephanie time and so I feel like I have been having an affair with my TV. He doesn’t get it because he rarely watches TV and has never really had cable; this is one thing we don’t have in common. I just got done watching the entire first season of The Newsroom, excellent show! Now I am writing and then I have to head back up north, to Amish country. I started my new job last week after ending my tenor at Servpro. I got a job with one of our sub-contractors, a construction company. I am their office manager, pretty much running the show and doing what I know best, construction, yay! I am crossing my fingers that my pregnancy brain and sporadic exhaustion won’t affect my perfmance all that much. I am no longer drinking caffeine so we shall see. My doctor said I can have one cup of coffee a day but it makes me sick, so I am relying on my natural energy. Ok my time is up; I must come out of hiding and head up to Goodlettsville, TN to get ready for the week. I can’t wait to blog daily again so you can get a day in the life and not long general recaps, this is what I get for trying to do it all at once in the name of material! Miss you all!!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

come again? what?! seriously?


YO! Ok so we have a million things to go over. I have some news, its kind big so hold onto your hats....I am going to be contributing to the population soon! In about 6 months I am going to spit out a young Spazwell or as we are calling it, Splinter, Twig or Baby Branch.... take your pick! I am all kinds of knocked up!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!  
That is the reason for the hiatus; I didn't want to announce it before the 1st trimester was up, now I am at 13 weeks and free to spill the beans! I can't even tell you how good it feels to tell everyone! January 3rd is the due date and yes Wood is my baby daddy. This was of course not in my plans, but then again I really didn’t have any plans so maybe this is my plan! I am still very much enjoying Wood, we are rolling with it and going for it! Now that the fog has sorta lifted and my state of shock has subsided its kinda hitting me that I am going to be in charge of another human, not just myself, YIKES!! DOUBLE YIKES!  I have told a few people and I gotta say it’s been the most fun calling folks up and blowing their minds. I got a lot of “Shut the f*ck ups" and a lot of "Not-ahs." Since my social life has taken a quick screeching pause halt, this has been one of my favorite pastimes. Now that I can blog again that will help me keep my wits about me, because I am slowly turning into a 90-year-old as we speak. I go to bed at 830pm and I just purchased Bengay for my back, it’s all very glamorous. Wood has been amazing thus far. He is excited and very into the process. He likes my weight I put on, so he says, I can't say I share his same enthusiasm becoming a pasty water buffalo in the middle of summer. I have gained 13 pounds in 13 weeks and it’s only the beginning. My Mom and Dad's reaction was priceless. I put them on speaker phone on Mother's Day and told them, my dad did not say a word just "WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" and my mom literally did not say a word. She said she was speechless. Once they both got their composure they were over the moon! They have been wanting a Grandkid since I was 15 so it’s very exciting that I get to give this to them. I have already been told (by Meredith) to please tattoo my baby with ‘If found please return to Stephanie Baswell” and give someone else’s cell phone number just in case I lost my phone too. I have also been given the suggestion by Josh to go ahead and put a chip in the kid just in case. So far I have had some pretty great surprise pregnancy starter kits items come in the mail. Sarah has already sent me some baby bonnets, Amber blew my mind sending me a truck load of maternity clothes she ran around town and purchased from consignments stores. Meredith and Lindsey both sent me some great “How To” books and I feel so very blessed! They say it takes a village to raise me and now I am thinking it will take a few states a couple of times zones to raise me plus one!

 

I can’t wait to take you all through this insane journey of me attempting to figure this thing out!

I am going to start blogging again on the reg but not until the 6th….and that reason will come on the next blog hopefully in the next few days! Keep checking in!

 

XOXOXOX,

Mama Spaz

 

Friday, May 31, 2013

gonna put the world away for a minute

Ok well apparently I am way too good to blog these days. Sarah pointed out that I have only blogged twice this month and that is unacceptable. I have hands full with some other projects that I want to tell you about but don't want to jinx it cause they are in the beginning stages and easily jinxable. So here is what I am gonna do, let these projects develop over the next month and I'll resume blogging on June 30th and hopefully come back with an action packed blog full of new and exciting material. When I come back I will be able to blog on the reg like I used to and get back to the swing of things. Thanks for understanding and please stay tuned, you are not gonna want to miss out! See you all June 30th....no whammies no whammies!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxo
Spaz

Thursday, May 16, 2013

tendons!!


Ok well things with Wood are good. I have now met the dad and the step mom, we went out to dinner last weekend and even though I forgot my list of references I think I got the job after I sailed through the strength and weakness portion of the interview. It was fun and I enjoyed meeting them. He is now meeting my parents on Sunday, we are meeting in Chattanooga to have lunch and go to the Farmers market.

This week and last week I have been rooting on Christine on the Family Feud! The McNulty’s are kicking ass! Wood and I have been really getting into it, it’s hilarious. It’s wild to watch your friend on a game show while you are texting her from the couch. Josh had a cameo in the first episode as Christine pointed out her husband in the audience. He totally gave Steve Harvey a courtesy laugh on his cheesy comment and that was it. Now I feel bad that I didn't advertise this more (I mean at all), it has been a hoot to watch. Tonight will be the 5th night. Wood is all about it and now I can’t wait for his to meet Christine since he feels like he already knows her and her sister Colleen.

Anyway, Wood has been bringing his loving pit-bull, Whitey, and Rottweiler, Quarter, over to the apartment. We are usually all hanging out stress free that is until I brought home two rawhides as a surprise. Whitey did not eat his; instead he buried it in my clothes basket and guarded it all night. Well apparently Quarter got too close to it and the next thing I know a Rotty and a Pitt have locked jaws on each other’s heads and a raging dog fight broke out in my bedroom. Nothin scarier than a dog fight! Wood swoops in middle of it and tries to pry them apart, the worst noises I’ve ever heard and I am standing there frozen as he is punching Quarter begging him to let go!  Finally Wood yells for me to throw some water on them, I run, grab the dog bowl and throw it on Quarter and he stopped immediately. I grabbed the Rotty and got him out of the room, closed the door and prayed that the other dog was ok. The dogs were both fine but Wood comes out of the room dripping with blood! AAHHH!! There is blood spatter in my bathroom and on the carpet and he is holding his wrist with a towel. I looked at his wrist and almost passed out. I actually had to lie down before I could take care of him. My blood pressure spike, I got cold sweats and felt like I was going to faint. So while he was bleeding out from the arteries in his wrist I am lying on the ground. I finally get it together and take another look the dog bites. Whitey bit him hard on the wrist and I am thinking we need to go to the ER. He said there is nothing they can do and I just keep yelling "But what about the tendons?! The tendons! We have to see about the tendons! You won't be able to use your hand without the tendons!" He calmly asked me to just please go to the store and get some gauze and bandages and such. Ok fine, I'll be back. I came back and scrubbed in and patched him up the best I could. The next day his hand was so swollen and purple it looked like a fake wooden hand. So I have been shoving Fish Mox down his throat against his will to avoid infection and put hot compressions on it. Six days later, he can move his hand! It’s still swollen and it still hurts, but I swear that aquarium cleaner can cure anything! Poor guy, he never cried once and I will never give the boys rawhides again (they are very loving and tame creatures for the record).

Last night we went out with a group of his friends, it was his boss’s wife’s idea to gather every one up and treat us to a fancy dinner. She is having surgery and is afraid she is not going to wake up from the anesthesia, so she had a "going away" party. Very interesting senses of humor this couple. It was the worst $20 entrée I’ve ever had. Everyone said the same thing, expensive and no bueno. So The Chef and I get two thumbs down for making them spend so much money on gross stuff and for making Wendy’s potentially last meal a bust!

Ok well that's about all for tonight folks. This weekend is gonna be slammed, I get to meet the rest of his family at an engagement party Saturday and then my parents Sunday. I will try and squeak in a blog though.

 

 

 

Monday, May 6, 2013

A friend is someone who knows you and loves you just the same...


Ok so, you know when you start dating someone that you really like you neglect all of your friends? Some call it a grace period! I call it a free pass. Well that is precisely what has happened. I only have 2 friends in TN so I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, but apparently I didn't factor in all my friends who take the time to keep up with me and for that I do apologize. I have totally neglected my DVR too and that is saying a lot! I got some angry texts tonight (I don't know if it was a coincidence or y'all decided to team up tonight and yell at me, regardless I am sorry. My time has been split up in to 3 categories Work, Wood, Workout. WWW. But that is coming to an end, I need to keep ya'll in the loop, it’s only fair. Y'all have stuck by me through countless of disgusting relationships and the one guy who comes along who doesn't make me want to become a lesbian, I cut ya’ll right out. I actually just came from a date with him on random  Monday night, pause to gag.

 

I do want to mention that I won the last workout challenge with Sarah, I got your check in the mail girl, thanks for not welching! So part of my neglecting the blog is her fault for spending time try to kick her ass!! We are on part two of the next challenge and so far its a HUGE challenge to fit the time in and I am a little worried. Good luck girl, may the best man win.

 

MB and Casey please don't delete me from your browser. Stu, hey bro! It is 10pm here and I am tired so I probably won’t get a lot of time in, I just wanted to give a shout out and try and salvage some relationships. To be honest, I come home and have every intention on blogging and my juices are on strike! We are going to regroup and figure it out.

 

I did introduced Wood to Brandy over the weekend and she gave rave reviews! We like him and I can't wait to throw him to the pack  of Atlanta wolves, I think he will come out with only minor scraps and bruises. We have been dating a month now and as always I am trying not to jinx it! NO WHAMMIES NO WHAMMIES and knock on Wood.



 

 

 

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Picture Perfect

I can't even stand it! Hip Hip Hooray for Meredith!!

While I was in Atlanta at Patti's 40th birthday party, I was in awe of this book that was made by Alicia for Patti. We all sent her out favorite memories and pictures so Alicia made this awesome book for her birthday. I was looking at it and yelled out that I couldn't wait until I turned 40 so I could get a book like this one. Well today I got one in the mail!!! It is so incredible. It has every picture from every event that Meredith and I attended since 2005! She is such a camera Nazi and everyone always teases her about it. Well thank goodness for the Nazi because I have the last 8 years with Decatur crew captured and published. Everything from Field Day to weddings to birthdays to Thanksgiving to New Years to beach trips to GA parties complete with hilarious “inside joke” captions. I can't stop looking at it. Thank you so much girl, it means the world to me!

I mean yesterday got a purse, I wake up and it’s Administrative Appreciation Day, so I get breakfast, lunch, Starbucks, chocolates, cards and now a freaking book!

Yesterday I got my bonus and the news of a raise in next bonus. I also got the news of an upcoming raise in my salary once I finish training on this new software.

What a day….. what a week!

We had so much fun at Patti’s party and it was perfect way to complete the book. I can’t wait to start the next 8 years of memories! I love the people I keep in my life cause they make it so awesome.

Tomorrow I get to have dinner with Wood, lets cross our fingers that the week keeps on acting as if it were my birthday! He just texted me and told me “I can’t wait to see you pretty girl” AWW.. NO whammies no whammies and knock on WOOD!

 

Monday, April 22, 2013

key problems


Ok well the first sentence goes out to Sarah! Yet another package to brighten my day. I found a brand new purse in my mailbox, yes fresh from the store, I am the original owner of a cute leather purse that will go nicely with my boots, thank you girl, I love it!

 Well as you know I have been slacking on the blog front and spending all my time with the blog blocker. We went to dinner Friday night, he brought his dogs over here on Saturday and we took them for a walk. We decided go find a place to eat and leave the dogs behind. I grabbed what I thought were my keys and realized they were his after I locked us both out and the dogs in. I swear, I don't know why it’s so hard for me to do the little things correctly. We decided to go eat and come up with a plan to get back in. We decided that backing up his truck under the deck and me standing on his shoulders and shimming up the side of the deck with the hopes that the sliding glass door was open was the best plan. Well when were in position he decided that he was 6'6" and he can just do the shimmying and I can stand there and try not to break his fall, it’s worked! Yay! We hung out here yesterday, watched the Braves game and then went to the batting cages, so fun. He then goes home and takes my keys with him in his coat pocket after driving my car home from the batting cages. What??!! Are you kidding me?? I never thought that key drama would be the thing I have in common with a boy I like. I had to use my spare key to drive to work today. But this boy makes me freakin laugh y’all, like my stomach hurts from laughing all weekend. I am holding my breath and hoping it’s not a fluke. We swung by Kelly’s deck on Saturday and jaw-jacked over there for a bit and then went and played pool with his brother. I feel terrible cause my friend from college, Patty, was in town and we tried to hook up but couldn't make it happen. They were honky tonkin none, of my group wanted to do that and since my funds were nonexistent I stayed put and waited for the guilt to set in.

Well that’s about all folks, my almost full DVR is calling my name.

 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

wood brain


 I am one scattered brain Spaswell this week! This boy has got me all kinds of forgetful. I am so glad I went through the process of putting my groceries in Betty's Grill's fridge, just so I could set them on the floor near the front door with the rest of my stuff and let them sit there all night. Awesome. Then I almost burned my place down this morning. After cooking some chicken on the George Forman for lunch I decided to head out and leave the damn thing plugged in. I got to work and turned right around and came back to the place filled with smoke but no smoke detectors are going off. Awesome. I saw my wallet on the coffee table that I decided to grab. I forgot to deposit money into my account and had to make a mad dash to the bank so I could get out of the red before it processed a bunch of late fees. I am a mess I tell ya. Now I am headed to Kelly’s to do my laundry so I gotta scoot. I will write more tomorrow, that is if I remember where I left my computer.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

knock on wood


Ok so I know I have a lot to go over, we'll start with today and work our way back. Bonehead move alert!!!!

Holy crap, who ever let me do my own taxes online should be shot. I totally paid $63 to file my State taxes. So what happens if Tennessee doesn't have State taxes???!!! Spazwell gets PUNKED that's what. What the hell??!! I totally filed taxes that don't exist and paid to have it done. Awesome.

SO Wood has been completely been occupying my time. I have found the male Spaz and he is cracking me up. We have spent every evening together since we met except when I went to Georgia. Every time we hang out it’s a hoot; tonight for example he invites me to dinner after work. I tell him I have groceries in my car from when I went grocery shopping at lunch and he tells me it’s not a problem, we will figure it out. I show up and he tells me he knows the owner of the place and that I can put my perishable items in the fridge. Um ok, that works. I store my stuff and go sit down. We have a great time and the best part was walking up to the bar and asking the bartender (while people are sitting there) if I can get one gallon of milk, one dozen eggs and some salmon. The bartender looks at me as says no problem. The couple at the bar was dying laughing as he plots these items on the bar and I walk away with groceries. I just got home and I have a stupid grin on my face.

He is so right up my alley ya’ll. I am enjoying Wood and I will be knocking on wood as I shout out NO WHAMMIES NO WHAMMIES!!

 

Monday, April 8, 2013

yay


Well I have been hanging out with a boy. He has been blog blockin me so that is the reason for the no call no shows. We met organically, not on the internet and I am really hoping that by telling you guys I am not jinxing it but it’s either that or not tell and we can't have that since he is making me really happy. He is the guy who changed my oil the other day. He works for the company who fixes all of our Servpro trucks and I had the grand idea to go try and get a discount on an oil change. It was the most entertaining oil change I think I have ever had. As I was pulling out he asked me for my number and I told him he already had it that it was written on the side of the big Sprinter that was sitting in the garage next to us 1-800-Servpro. It was a slick comeback and for once I didn’t just give my number out and the ball was totally in his court. He came up later that day and delivered the fixed truck and on the way out he called up Servpro and asked me out. We went out Friday night, Sunday and he just left after bringing me dinner. He is 6 foot 6, cute and hilarious, not a bad combo. Here is the kicker, his name is Wood. Wood Bartholomew Smyth Caldwell. I told him that he must of caught a lotta crap growing up with that name. He told me he has a rebuttal for each and every comment so bring it on. I asked him what his favorite one was, “Well growing up in a Catholic School, the Nuns would greet him by saying, morning Wood."

 

So far so good and I am cooking him dinner tomorrow night so I will report back on Wednesday with a full detailed report of the first 4 dates. Right now the bed is calling my name.

 

Monday, April 1, 2013

green doesn't always mean go


I have been MIA for a few days just sitting around simmering quietly to myself with a whole lotta nothing to say, but the lid is about to come poppin off this pot! I haven’t heard from Will at all, until this evening and I am still shaking. He texted me and told me that he was nearby and wanted to see if he could stop by that he really needed to tell me a few things and it needed to be in person. I told him that would be fine that way I could give him book back. Well that was how I set up the bomb-ass April fool’s joke to Brandy. I got her good! There is no way I could sell it in writing but my delivery over phone was Academy Award winning. I told her that he asked me to marry him and he handed me his Grandmother's wedding ring. I had her all bent up and uncomfortable. She was like, “What did you say?! Please tell me you are not engaged!” I told her I simply said April Fools Day. Ha gotchya sucka! Then she called me a bitch and well that was pretty much it.

The thing about an April fool’s Day joke is that it has to be a little farfetched so you don't jinx yourself. This is a lesson learned firsthand by Brandy. She told her Mom she was pregnant on April fool’s Day like 7 years ago and bam, two months later she was with child. True story.

Other than coming up with ways to trick people I really have been doing a whole lotta nothing except making my apartment look like a frat house and watching TV. I did however go get my nails done. I don’t think I have ever been so mad at myself. I literally walked right up in there and picked out the ugliest color they had and told them to paint my nails. I never get my nails done and if I do it’s a French manicure, but this time I opted for color and asked the guy what the kids were wearing these days. After a few minutes of looking at the colors I take his suggestion of either yellow or green, he tells me pink and red are out. After the first coat, I figured that the Sage green needed two coats, then after the 2nd coat I figured maybe after it dried the beauty would take over. Um nope, the cashier at Kroger confirmed my thoughts that my fingers looked like they have been dipped in mucus. I went home and pouted for the rest of the day and my Saturday suddenly became consumed with sweating the small stuff. I then decided to paint over them and now then are a lumpy coral color that has the imprints of the couch cushion on each nail.

I did however get a chuckle out of this morning's staff meeting. I come traipsing in with my water bottle, set it down as I am talking to Vickie then walked across the room and sat next to Paul. I asked this girl to pass me my water bottle, I grabbed it and took a big swig only to find out that it wasn't mine. So I slid it back on the table where I found it and was very confused as it was warm and flavored, mine was not. I then see Ryan reach over, grab it and take a big drink of it, he looks down at it and it is covered in lipstick. He was also very confused and I am laughing hysterically to myself as the whole room is quiet while the boss is talking. I am actually still laughing about this, I had to watch him for a whole hour as he periodically wiped lipstick off of his lips with a blank look on his face. I never told him.

 Ok more tomorrow I still have ten minutes of working out to do so I can earn my workout point for the day.

 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

the "check engine" light is there for a reason


Ok, the past couple of days have been interesting. I talked with Will about breaking it off. I didn't get to tell him in person, he knew something was wrong and he dragged it out of me over the phone. The whole conversation lasted approximately 14 minutes and 22 seconds. The break up talk was a lot like a Nascar Race, short and fast but without any wrecks. I eased him into my thinking as he rounded turn 2 on the short track. He noticed the tires running were low on air so he pulled into the Pit. I told  him that the only way he was gonna get back on track and finish the race was if I put more air in the tires and we are fresh out. He gets out of the car, tells me he understands, he said he would fight for some more air but he is not going to and wishes me well. I told him to take care and he walks off into the sunset holding his red flag.

Well I guess that's a wrap. All in all I had fun, got some great material and learned a lot.

So now I am back in action, got my hair did...it’s now shining bright with blond highlights (first highlights ever, thanks Groupon). Sarah and I started a workout challenge yesterday, so I have the motivation I desperately need. Sarah wants to look smokin hot by July 4th and well so do I. Every 30 days we will have a payout to the winner until July and we are pumped!

All is good and I am excited to see what the next chapter brings, and the next and then the next one after that.

 

Saturday, March 23, 2013

back to the market


Life is about 90-day trial periods. My 90-day trial period with Will is up for review and the performance levels are below the expectations given to me in the initial interview. I was told I was going to receive a connection on all levels and since those projections are not developing its time to reevaluate. Will was placed on probation when I had my first discussion with him of meeting my needs. He was unresponsive and very confused. The second discussion led to his suspension (hence me being at home right now and not at the farm) where I was expecting a response on the fact that my needs are not being met. The lack of awareness that changes are imperative are grounds for dismissal, effective Monday evening.  I haven’t told him this yet because I am more nervous about telling Amber and Kathy as they have already planned our wedding; therefore I am grateful to have this blog to hide behind.

I myself have one thing that I can call my own, my personality and I need someone who can feed that personality with a variety of spontaneity, creativity and witty banter. Will is a great guy but not the guy for me. During my review I have witnessed many antics that I was passing off as quirky. When you add up all of these antics it turns into unacceptable childlike behavior. I am dating a man who is living a very very sheltered country life a half a mile from his parents. He knows nothing but his routine and I have become a part of his routine kinda like brushing your teeth and putting on deodorant. He calls me 4 times a day and they are all the same conversation. I have each conversation down packed. We have the morning convo that talks about how we slept the night before. The lunch convo talks about what we are eating and the weather. The after work convo will involve his parents and how the day went which always involves his parents. The night convo talks about wood in the heater, his dog, and going to bed.

His bathroom behavior is off the charts disgusting, I will spare the details but for some reason I am in the loop on everything that takes place while he is going to the bathroom. I need to not know these details, close the door and do your business. The only thing in his kitchen is a huge vat of homemade hot chocolate mix. He doesn’t have groceries ever, he has never cooked, and he won’t even let me cook. He would rather run down to mamas and get a can of beanie weenies. He eats like a cave man when we are out and picks his nose in front of me. He has actually licked his plate at waffle house. Brandy’s 7-year-old even knows better than to not eat with your hands, especially hash browns.

He cries at movies, I’m sorry chic flics. Yes, CRIES, not tearing up but blubbering. When we saw Safe Haven I thought I was gonna have to carry him out of there and give him his binky. He interacts with the people on the movie and I have to tell him to be quiet. I am now becoming a nag always telling him what is appropriate and what is not, I am not his mama. He already has a mama and she is very much a part of his life, one might say he is a mama’s boy. He doesn’t engage in any conversation when it comes to me. No questions are asked and you know that is a hot button. I have a lot to say and I need people to be curious enough about my life to ask me about it. Sometimes I feel like I have to present topics of discussion about my life and he is busy looking at the blister on his finger.  I have brought this to his attention and he looks at me like I have nine heads. He doesn’t get it. I have told him I need to mentally connect with him, and I again he looks at me like I am an alien. I finish his sentences for him all the time cause he can’t get his words out. If I wasn’t a person who could talk to anyone in any situation I would be screwed. We go to his parents’ house and it’s up to me to talk to them. He acts like I am not even there, he doesn’t get any conversations started between me and his parents, he just talks to his dad like I am not there.  He steals their cable; he doesn’t even pay for his own cable. I was able to look passed the pedicures, the Nicholas Spark books,  the chic flics, the crying, the peeing while sitting down (yes he pees sitting down) and  the drinking out of a straw but the fact that he has been ran over (not once but twice) by heavy machinery and was in a vicious fight as a teenager that landed him in the hospital after being kicked in the head multiple times has really impacted his grown up mentality. I am the intellectual one in this scenario and there is something very wrong with this picture. He sings his words when he talks and that is getting very old. He says the word “yay” way too much and these are very petty things but when you add it together with the other stuff it’s a huge problem. I told Sarah and Brandy all of the details the I am sparing you all and the jury is in complete agreement to terminate our future and just stay friends. He has become complaisant and lazy when it comes to our relationship and that is not okay three months in. We should be getting our stride on, not pouting when tell I you to stop blowing your nasty morning breath in my face.

 Ok so now this is a first, I have never dumped anyone, unless you count the time I dropped this guy I was dating in college (Scottdog) off on the side of the road in Ellijay in the middle of nowhere after he was being mean to me. Other than that I have never had a break up talk that was completely one sided. He has no clue I am doing this, in his world everything is grand because I fit into his routine quite nicely. 80 percent of our time together is spent watching a movie, and during a movie you can’t talk unless you are Will and you talk to the characters on the movie. Bottom line is he lives a very sheltered country life and I am the Alfa. I need not be a nagging Alfa; I need someone to open doors for me and take charge. When we go out to dinner, we don’t sit and relax, have a glass of wine, an appetizer and have a conversation. He orders his Dr. Pepper (light on the ice), his bowl of white cheese and chicken quesadilla (no onions) all at once before I have even looked at the menu. It’s like we are on his lunch break, get in and get out. I just know I need more out of my man and its sucks because I am now gonna have to back on the market. Brandy has this wonderful man and she has set the bar very high on boyfriend behavior and I know deep down that I would be settling if I stayed with Will. That is something I swore I would never do, settling is sighing up for a life of misery and that ain’t happening.  My name is Stephanie Baswell, I am a Spaswell with a Gyspy Soul who will keep moving until she is happy happy happy.

Friday, March 22, 2013

tease

I totally wanted to blog last night but had to go have an emergency session with Kelly. She is having a hard time with some stuff and I needed to swoop in and make her laugh for a bit. BUT little did I know I needed to laugh too. I am hardly in a position to give advice since I am currently a wandering around mentally bamboozled. I need to go to work but a little sneak peak at where I am at........Bruno Mars "When I was Your Man"  keeps playing in my head over and over again....

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

don't poke the bear

I have not one thing to report. I have been very hormonal this week, no one is safe and I am just concentrating on not getting fired. I guessed it would help if I didn't storm out of meetings and tell people what I really think about them. Office politics is not my favorite topic, its a daily struggle and something that I am forced to deal with in corporate America. I  have been trying keep to myself as much as possible this week so I don't say anything I regret and have not been successful. I am way too big for my britches but that is what happens when I act like a garbage disposal and eat everything in sight. I am gonna go back to watching hours and hours of Friday Night Lights (my latest OnDemand find) and try to not become single either.

To sum up, my two goals are to not lose my job and my boyfriend in the same week. I will let you know how that turns out.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

productive traffic


I had the best time sitting in traffic today figuring out how to download ringtones. I figured out why I was completely annoyed when people called me and it was because all of my generic ring tones are so annoying. The one that is called “serene tone” was probably created by the person who works for Mattel and has to be in the room where they test the Jack in the Box toy as it plays Pop Goes the Weasel all day long. To him this sound may be serene, but to me it sounds like a bag of cats hanging above my bed when I am trying to sleep. So now I am assigning everyone their own personal ringtone that fits their personality, it’s all very exciting.

I did have a good day though and I got picked out of everyone to go to a golf tourney that the company is sponsoring, well we are sponsoring a hole. Me and the marketing dude get to go play for the day and represent, I am so excited to unchain myself from the desk and be with the upright people for a day!

Good day but nothing much to report, yet. I make it a habit not talk about the people I work with, one day when I retire way in the future, I will dedicate an entire book to the daily office antics and it will be titled....Seriously?

 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

hacky wacky


OMG! I just got hacked. I am sitting at my computer, minding my own biz and all of a sudden there is a video of me on my screen! It’s a live video of me sitting in front of my computer!!! My whole computer froze with big red letters across the screen that said my computer has been blocked by the United Stated of America. Wow, don't I feel special. It said I have been watching too much kid porn, geez I can’t get away with anything! Ha. So I am watching myself, I am happy I have a little make-up on and clothes of course, so I bust a couple of Vogue moves just to see what would I would look like if I had my own music video. That was freaky!  It said if I want my computer unlocked I will have to pay $300. $300? Oh ok sure, let me grab my credit card, I think there is 30 cents on it they can have. It said if I try and unlock it myself everything will be deleted. Whatever, stop taking my video you freaks. I took a bunch of pics of me sitting there and texted them to Sarah and Brandy for advice. They didn’t know what to do so I just rolled the dice and turned off my computer. Obviously everything is working since I am typing right now but what in the world just happened? If they can do that when else can then do? Watch me sleep? Walk on my ceiling? Oh wait I already have that going on. So ok that was fun, hoped they liked the shot of me flipping them off before I pressed the power button. Shewy, I gotta go lay down.