Here goes nothin!

Today is monumental, here it is Halloween and I did not each one piece of candy! The office was infested with it and Miss Chocolate USA did not have one piece of it! I deserve some kind of medal; I just sat there, ate my cucumber slices and pretended like they were Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I don't think I have ever been this disciplined in my life even when I trained for the marathon. I distinctly remember sitting at my desk last year and eating an obscene about of candy to the point of physical sickness. But this year, I feel great and I am ready for my trip.

 
The reason behind this insane eating/workout regimen is as follows. Tomorrow, when I fly out to Vegas, Jeff and I then drive to Utah to hike for a couple of days. This is not just any hike; this is THE hike, a very very dangerous hike that involves a sheer cliff. This cliff is called Angel’s Landing at Zion National Park (Google it) and it’s no freakin joke. Once you get to the top of this cliff (I've watched several videos) you get to walk across a narrow path with a 1500 foot drop on one side and a 800 foot drop on the other with nothing but a hope, a prayer and chain to hold onto. If you trip or make one wrong move on this particular part of the trail you are a gonner, no if, ands or buts. BUT my Dad had asked me to think only positive things and stop talking like that, so I am going to concentrate on the not dying part and focus on the fact that this is my Grand Canyon.

 
People ask me, why take such a risk? Well I'll tell you, I don't want to pass up an opportunity to go on one of the best hikes in the world and I owe it to myself. A few years ago I trained for 5 months to hike the Grand Canyon. This was an event through Team in Training and I raised all kinds of money for cancer research. Instead of going to the airport to meet my team, I took a detour to the hospital and stayed there for the next 4 days. I had Viral Meningitis and had to miss the hike. People were calling me from the airport asking where I was but I couldn't answer because I was busy getting a spinal tap. SO this is why I a want and need to do this hike. I am super excited and hopefully after a few hundred chats with God on the way up the mountain I will have the experience that I missed out on. Here is where all of you come in, I need for everyone to take a moment, send up a prayer, toss a few pennies in a fountain, blow some eye lashes off of your finger, pick a four leaf clover whatever brings me the most luck and strength to make it a success, I would appreciate it.

 

Much love to everyone and I can’t wait to get back and tell you all about it.

 

WISH ME LUCK!!!!! (seriously)

 

Twilight zone

Today went like this: morning worked out arms, went to work, ran two miles at lunch, got haircut and then back home to cook dinner and do abs. It’s like I’m a machine. I swear I dipped in and out of the Twilight zone throughout the day. I am standing in the world’s longest line in the gas station and this guy leans in and whispers in my ear, "Everyone is going bell bottoms." I just pretend to not hear him and then this tall old guy with long white hair leans in again, "remember when bell bottoms were in style?" I turned and said "how old do you think I am?" Then he says “That’s why I grew my hair out" and then proceeded to recite the lyrics to song Signs.

"And the sign says Long-haired freaky people need not apply
So I put my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why
He said you look like a fine outstanding young man, I think you'll do
So I took off my hat, I said "Imagine that, huh, me working for you"

He wasn’t singing it he was just talking with a bit of conviction. After I checked out, I watched him put his large coffee cup full of ice and a Fanta Orange on the counter and I told him to have a good day. Then I went to the post office where time stopped. Two ladies in front of me, one with four pairs of glasses on her head. I am glad I got to stand there for a good 15 minutes to try and figure out why while the lady at the head of the line picked out her Christmas stamps. She may have been 108 years old and she was in no hurry.

 
I then head to the mall to get my hair cut, this is the first time I am going somewhere other than my hairdresser in Atlanta. I show this picture I found on the internet to this flaming fruitcake of what I want and he talks me out of it. He said he loves my length and that since its winter he doesn't want my neck to get chilly. Whatever just cut it already. Um it looks exactly the same as when I walked in there. He says to me that all haircuts are the same; it’s just the way you style it. Oh ok, well that makes sense. So he styled it with a curling iron and now I look like Barbara Mandrel. I just looked at it said hphm, paid him and walked out. I really wanted to go back in there and tell him to do what I asked but then I run the risk of him jacking it all up. So there you go.

 

victory! FU UF!

Well I just got flat out yelled at this morning. Sarah I am not ruining your life by not blogging, stop being so dramatic, haha. Sometimes I like to test your loyalty and you passed the test, its nice to be wanted, so thanks girl. I have a good excuse to not having time to report back this past week. I will explain myself in a mere moment. First I want to gloat a little on the BIG win yesterday! We beat the big bad Gators! YAY! I knew we would, I had this feeling all week. FU UF! I made the most of my situation, the situation being that I sat at home and watched the game by myself. This is way way out of the ordinary; I am usually surrounded by my dear friends at Marybeth's GA/FLA party. Well she didn't have it this year; I think this party has been going on for about a decade so it was weird and sad. But at least I didn't have to make the drive. I sat here and did the next best thing, by spending the entire game on the phone; if I wasn't talking I was texting, if I wasn't texting or talking I was posting something on Facebook. I had to surround myself with my peeps one way or the other. It actually worked; I had a pretty good time pretending I wasn't all alone. I am becoming pretty good at this being alone thing. Kelly no longer speaks to me, which will forever remain a mystery. Brandy chimes in when she can; she came up and took me to lunch to other day and that was fun of course. We had one laugh after another in between bites of the salad bar at Jason's deli. She brought her cute cute oh so cute puppy up with her. This little guy is replacing the late Kilo. Kilo decided he had enough of everyone and took off after 13 years. He never returned so this stunt double puppy has come to take over, his name is Deuce and he is a 10 week old miniature Dotson.

Oh wait let me not forget to mention that Crazy Pants interrupted the game with a text telling me that he couldn't find a date to the awards and wondered if I would go. Um let me see, I thought my old yet immature ass was supposed to live a long lonely life, how am I going to do this if you keep asking me out? I just ignored psycho. He did follow-up to tell that he did end up finding date like two hours later. Phew thank goodness, I was worried and I do appreciate him keeping me in the loop.

 
Ok to back to the reason behind this week’s hiatus. I have been working out like a fiend, sometimes two and three times a day. I am on a mission and I cannot be stopped. On Thursday I am going to Vegas for a hiking trip with Brandy’s cousin Jeff. Yes, back I go, we spoke a lot about hiking the last time I was there, I told him I would be back to hike and I meant it. I took my bonus and bought a plane ticket. Every bonus I get from now on will be for a trip. Brandy and I have committed ourselves to go on a trip every six months, pretty good plan if you ask me. I will be flying in to Vegas Thursday night, waking up Friday morning and driving to Utah for a couple of days. I have been working out like a maniac training for this sucker. This week I will be doing more of the same. I will be blogging all week to fill you in on the details and to ask everyone to go find a four leaf clover, pitch a few pennies into a fountain and blow an eyelash off of the tip of your finger and your wish will be that I not die. More details on why this is important tomorrow.

 

my mug

Today was good, went to a huge celebration at church, it was the 10 year anniversary so there was a huge party afterwards on the square. I ran into my boss and he introduced me to his friends, they were like “you are the girl that was on the big screen!”  Um what? Apparently one Sunday that I wasn't there they were talking about the people who got baptized and my face was on the big screen for like 30 seconds. My boss had told me about it but I had forgotten, until now. It was the shot of me right after I came out of the water with a big smile on my face. I then ran into my friends Gary and Heidi who I know from Atlanta (from the Decatur crew), I had no idea they even went to this church. They told me they saw my picture on the big screen too. Gary said it was the strangest moment of his life, he said “I didn’t even know that you went here and then I see Spaswell's mug on the jumbotron as the baptism poster child.”  
Hahahaha


I guess I should fill everyone in one my weekend with the girls in Blue Ridge. I figured I could wait a week since none of those hoochies even read my blog. Thanks guys, big preesh. When I showed up and I got bombarded with hugs as I climb out of my car. I have to get my suitcase so I have no choice but to pop my trunk and watch everyone’s face. They all just died laughing; it is quite a melting pot of pure randomness. Since they don't read the play by play, I am immediately escorted to the deck of the gorgeous cabin to start telling stories. Everyone had a topic in mind that they wanted the scoop on. I am not gonna lie, it’s not that often when people gather around for story time and I have the floor, so I ate it right up. I gave the people what they wanted and we had some good laughs. Crazy pants was the main topic for a while, he gave us a lot of material. Every now and then someone would talk in baby talk mocking him or someone would yell out “Garth Brooks built this house!!” He served his purpose. After a few POF stories, Amy wrote me a check for $20 to get off of POF and sign up for Match.com.

We stayed in this amazing cabin and had nonstop fun just hanging out. We played games, ate some really good food, sat in the hot tub and watched football. Amongst 7 girls, we had zero drama, is that even aloud?


I spent this entire weekend by myself; I went hiking yesterday, watch the GA game, went to church today and went hiking again. I guess it’s good to know that I have no problem hanging with myself, although I really need to stop talking to myself in public it’s becoming a problem. I also need to realize that no one can hear the music in my ears when I am running. There is no need to blurt out whatever racial slur is blaring in my ear at the moment, people get the wrong idea.

I am working on becoming aware of my surroundings. I was at the park last week, I ran up the back of the Parthenon which has a ton of stairs leading up to it on both sides. I run to the front of the building to the top of the steps, with Beyonce singing about singles ladies in my ear I had to break it down one time. I look down the steps and there are two photographers with their hand on their hip waiting for me to get out of their shot. Apparently there was an event going on inside and I was interrupting their shot of the building. Oopsy.

 
Ok back to watching Homeland, I am obsessed.

 

sometimes its ok to take your eye off the ball

Snail mail may be the best thing ever. Life moves way to fast but slows down just a little when you find a package or card that you didn’t expect in the mail. My fridge is covered with cards from my friends from Georgia, it’s so awesome. Why must I wait two weeks to go to the mailbox? I pulled out a package today from my good friend and Amber's mom, Kathy Goodwin. Somewhere along the line Kathy read between the lines that I am on the hunt for a boyfriend/husband/baby daddy/back scratcher. Intuition at its best I guess, some people just have a knack for seeing the forest for the trees.

I opened up the package and it’s this awesome card that spoke directly to me telling me to stop looking and a book/study guide/ journal titled Lady in Waiting, Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right.

HMMM this book may have actually been written specifically for me. I think it’s time I studied up on how not to give my number out to the guy who I thought winked at me but really just had something in his eye. Let's sit back and figure out what's what with my own self and see what kind of path I meander down. Both my parents and all of my advisors have mentioned that I need not apply such outrageous methods to finding happiness. Let’s be clear, I am not on the hunt to find happiness but the hunt for a man may be getting in the way of my happiness. Whoa I haven’t even read it yet and already I am learning stuff (or that may be a line out of one of Brandy’s speeches).

Happiness may just be built into God's plan for me and I should let him tell me what to do. I just opened the book and the first words that popped out were “how to be a lady of patience.” What? How does that work? Well I'm gonna find out. Hopefully this book/journal/study guide will help solidify what all my people have been telling me. Thanks Kathy, you're the best.

 

um, what?

Ok after the awesome concert, I pressed my luck and went to the Steeler/Titan's game with Crazy Pouty Pants. Not only did The Stees lose, I got to sit with a grown-ass man who sticks his bottom lip out while periodically talking in baby talk. NOOO!! This is all wrong! It’s not right! We need to stop and out adjust our thinking. Ok so I called him a "one upper" on the way into the game, so what and who cares, he is, end of story. Everything I say he has to say something better and doesn't even wait until I am finished with my sentence. Everyone knows I hate being interrupted, especially by a seemly straight guy, but now, even that is questionable.

We had amazing seats on the lower level in the end zone, what what!  This is the first time I have watched a game in this stadium, things are starting to look up as we make forward progress into being adults. Oh but wait, here comes the lip again, I made another comment, holy hell what have I done now? I told him I really liked the girl’s haircut in front of us and told him that that’s what I want to do to my hair. He got really quiet and just sat there with his arms crossed. I have no idea what could possibly be wrong with him so I just made friends with the people beside me and in front of me. The stadium was PACKED FULL of Steeler's fan (these people were not them) but they were fun and better than big lipped crazy pouty pants. You know the date isn't going good well when you secretly wish he would go to the bathroom and never return (I drove so it wouldn't have been a problem). I later found out that he was sulking over my comment about her hair and these were his exact words verbatim “I was upset because I thought that WE were going to discuss how YOU were going to get your hair cut and it would be a lot shorter than that."

WHAT?!! Holy craps! Hey Kennys, sound the alarm, we have a stage TEN!!!

I didn’t know what to say so I kept my trap shut on the way to the car and on the way to drop him off. I got out of the way of crazy train and I blocked him out my mind. I waited until the weekend was over so I wouldn’t have to spend it dodging his calls while in the mountains with my girls. I wanted to wait until I got back to tell him that no way in hell I was going anywhere near him again including the BMI Awards. I don't care if he asked me to host the damn show, if he is in the building than I am not. If the words “restraining order” cross my mind at any time during a date, I am to leave right then and there, that is the new rule.

When I told him I was not going with him to the awards and/or anywhere else, I expected all hell to break lose but it was a minor tantrum, comparatively speaking. He only texted me 9 times mostly saying that I was an immature, older looking, gold digging, waste of time who will live a long, lonely life and then said “goodbye forever”. Except that he just texted me twice after two days of silence telling me to please please never talk to him again (I shall do my best to respect his wishes).  I wish I could block his number but I can't (my new carrier from Wal-Mart, I think its Fisher Price doesn’t have that option).

 
The only good guy to surface from the depths of POF hell is Hank.

 

what? who?

See this is what happens when you are too busy to sit down and blog, I wrote all of this yesterday but my computer was acting up so I could not post it.  Now it’s the next day and some things have changed, but I am going to act like it is still yesterday.

I thought that the highlight of my day Wednesday was that a distant friend from college, Noelle, gave me props on my blog via Facebook......sorry girl you got trumped!

Crazy Pants (CP for short) took me to the Jerrod Neimann concert last night. I am trying to figure out the best part...meeting Jerrod or Lee Brice, I can't decide. During the 2nd act CP gets a text from Jerrod to come on the bus. Ok so I am now on the tour bus with the famous, just a typical Wednesday night. After I get introduced to Jerrod and all his people along with Colbie Caillat I had a little giggle to myself. I am thinking as I am listening to Jerrod talk, I hope we're not missing the show, wait a minute, this is the show! It was a wild and surreal moment. I immediately told CP who immediately told everyone, sweet I have officially introduced everyone to Spaswell.

Colbie Caillat (I googled her later to find out who she was) flew in from LA to sing a duet with Jerrod (I’m all about You written by CP). My elbows are a bit soar from rubbing them with the famous, hob knobbin with folks I don't typically run into on the reg was pretty cool. I cannot believe I forget my lipstick! I was fishing around for my makeup bag in my black hole purse and realized I forgot it at home along with my economy size can of White Rain arousal hair spray. I did however manage to have an old string cheese in the bottom of my purse just in case I got hungry.

The show was about to start and we head to our VIP seats. All I am gonna say is wow. During the amazing vocal contribution Jerrod allowed us to hear, I stood next to Lee Brice and got introduced half a million song writers I pretended to know about. Lee Brice is hilarious, just hanging out with some chic’s purse on his arm (I am guessing it’s the purse belongs to the girl that he sings about in his songs). He is chatting it up with a couple of dudes behind me when Jerrod starts to beckon him from the stage. He was like “hey Lee Brice where you at?”  Lee was too busy talking to hear him so I got to utter the coolest sentence ever. “Hey Lee Brice, Jerrod Neimann wants you one stage!” He promptly left his conversation and went on stage purse and all. Ok so now I am all of a sudden at an impromptu Lee Brice concert. This is actually blowing my mind a little; he sang all of his songs that he sings on the radio and the songs that wrote that other people sing on the radio.

Crazy Pants leans over and says to me that John Stone is here. My reaction, "Joss Stone, I love Joss Stone I am huge fan!" So later on in the night I turn around and CP introduces me to John Stone and tells him I am huge fan. AHH! I am now acting like I am huge fan of this John Stone person who I have never heard of, Joss and John sound a lotta like in a loud bar.

Well that wraps up that crazy night, but before I go I must make a Public Service Announcement. For those of you who enjoy reading my blog I thank you, for those of you who like giving me advice via the comment section of my blog I would like to send out the following memo:

My advisory board is fully staffed at the moment. Should a space open up, all new candidates will be subject to a very strict screening process as my best interest is at stake. Anyone who has been previously voted off of my dating roster by my current panel of advisers need not apply for this position. If this is confusing, please refer back to a previous post, I think I titled it  “Cray Cray Go Away”

That is all.

 am now going to act like a day hasn’t gone by; I will say that Crazy Pants is staying true to his name. I am going to the mountains for the weekend, I will tell you about last night when I return.

Crazy in love

I am not sure what is wrong with me but crazy pants has charmed his way into my life....just a little. I just read that post describing him and our date and I cannot believe I let him talk me into taking me to a couple of events. The first being tomorrow night for the Jarrod Neimann concert. This is the guys he writes most of his songs for and since I am a fan I decided that it would be cool to meet him. The second event I reluctantly agreed to but decided I would be a fool to pass up, The BMI Awards. He is going to receive an award for the songs I am going to hear tomorrow night. This is the CMA's for songwriters, all the famous people of Nashville will be there and I will be struttin down the Red Carpet and perhaps a little Step and Repeat at the end.

I am really hoping that the Goodwill has a good selection of ball gowns. I have to track down some formal evening attire and learn how to walk in heels so I can go rub elbows with Blake and Miranda, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman and whoever else I can pretend to be cool around. It’s not until October 30th so I hope crazy pants dials it down a few notches in the meantime and we can have ourselves an awesome night.

 
Yesterday was my 1 year anniversary at my job; I got taken out to lunch and dinner for that matter. I got a very sweet card from the owner of the company and it was all in all a great day. Where in the heck that year went, I have no idea.

 
Speaking of anniversaries I think people who are married for 40 years deserve a little shout out. That’s 14,600 days of being with the same person day after day and night after night. That seems way too impossible to imagine. I love the idea and want that for myself one day, who knows maybe crazy people are my kind of people. These two people happen to be my kind of people. They are the kind of people you want to be around, laugh with, smile with and who accept one another for who they are in life. The kind of people that figured out how to spend almost a half of a century together without killing each other. They have been through every imaginable scenario two people can go through, the good, the bad and the ugly all while having each other’s back. These two wonderful people happen to be my parents. I am so thrilled to be a part of a small group of people whose parents are still together and for that I thank you. You pushed through some tough times but never broke your bond.  Thanks to that wonderful bond Ryan and I are not children of divorce or separation and I will always be grateful. You two are my inspiration on how to live a happy life with the person you love. Happy 40th Wedding Anniversary Mom and Dad, I love you.

 

Don't call it a come back!

Something is missing in my life, I have this feeling like I forgot something, which is a feeling I know entirely too well. I was trying to figure out why I all of a sudden felt a little blue and like I was on a deserted island or something. Then it dawned on me, I miss talking to you guys on the reg! I need an outlet and just because I may not have an insane moment to report everyday doesn't mean I can't write about nothing. So here it goes, I need to start writing about nothing again, kinda like Seinfeld, except with more run-on sentences.

I went to the dentist yesterday, it’s been um years since I’ve been and my teeth are not going to clean themselves. I have been paying for dental insurance for the past 8 months so I figure what the hell, let’s see that happens. Boy have they come a long way since I was last in. I got to sit in a heated massage chair and watch them take pictures of all my teeth. I have never had a cavity in all my 35 years so needless to say I was furious when they told me I had three. WHAT?!! I literally was sitting there fuming. My hormones are dancing through my body this week so it didn't take much for my mood to take sharp left. The dentist came in and told me what the stupid hygentish predicted, I have cavities. He asked me how I was doing, I told him I was pouting and he pretty much stopped that by sticking a sharp object in my mouth. They said they are very shallow and new. Great, that tells me one thing, my daily intake of mini Butterfingers, Snickers, Baby Ruths and M&M's shattered my perfect record. Stupid always full candy dish on receptionist desk! Sorry Mom and Dad all those years of sugar free gum and not keeping sweets in the house growing up didn't pay off in the long run. Oh well.

 
Then this used car salesman came in to explain the cost of everything and tried to sell me on teeth whitening. I was in no mood for sales pitches but she did not get that and pulled out all the stops. I felt like I was in the nail salon and the Asian lady tell me I need lip wax. I came to get my teeth cleaned and that is it, my teeth are a certain shade of off-white that I am fine with so leave me alone. I told her that since today was all about X-rays and examinations to make me an appointment to get whatever my insurance will cover and I will be one my way. So I now have to go back to get my teeth cleaned and after that we'll discuss possible fillings, one tooth at a time of course.

 

Well that's all I got, thanks for listening, it’s good to be back to my one sided conversation. I can't wait for Meredith to correct something that I sounded out that sounded correct at the time. Hind sight right girl? Oh and Sarah, sorry for ruining your morning routines, I will try not to let it happen again. Oh and Mom good luck on getting that chest port tomorrow, make sure they put that zipper on good and tight and install that alarm system (inside joke). Without jokes we got nothing!

 

Life is good and I intend to keep it that way! Until next time friends…..