Friday, November 30, 2012

Holy craps Kennys!


WHAT???!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I just looked at my stats...as of right now I have had 10 THOUSAND and 5 VIEWS of this blog!!!!!!! Whoa! That is mega huge!!!! Just think, if I actually had been trying to make money off this bloody thing, I may not be free eating deer meat (courtesy of Brandy's brother) till I get paid in 7 days. WOW! Thank you for 10,005 views in a year and 4 months that's very cool, I thank you for keeping up with me! I am just beside myself!!! Wow.

Ok now for the true topic of the night...my BESTIE'S Birthday! I want to take a minute and dedicate a few words to this amazing human. I am not even gonna talk about the fact that I was sent out to get Christmas decorations for the office today. I came back with red, white and blue decorations and got accused of mixing up the holidays again. Well I like red and silver decorations and at the last minute decided that I had too much red and silver so I threw in some color, it just so happened to be blue. I got back and emptied the bags on the counter and yes it did look like I should have also picked up some Roman candles for Christmas at Servpro but whatever. I just told them that I am an American and I believe in this country. My explanation didn't hold up very long when they opened the fake tree I bought and it was electric blue. OOOPSY! It looked green on the box, whatevs, they should have known better than to send me, I am ok with a traditional flamboyant Christmas.

So anyway, back to my topic at hand, BRANDY's Birthday!!! Here's one bit of funniness, for a good part of the year Brandy  thought she was already 36, so it was a nice surprise for her that she was only 35 and she actually gained a year by not being able to do the math, nice work girl.

Where to start where to start….Brandy, she is my rock, my best friend, my elder, my top advisor, my laughing partner, loan advisor, my key holder to my secret vault, my girl, my sister. We have been friends for 17 years; I met her in college back when she looked like Ricky Lake. We were in the same sorority, a sorority that would only house our kind, the opposite of any sorority girl. She was this bad ass from Woodstock who had her own agenda and own opinions. She was not to be crossed but someone who would have your back. We lived together after college, I am not sure how she put up with me, but we made it an adventure. We painted our living room Pepto-Bismol pink and lived lives as we saw fit. We rescued each other from stupid decisions, I made sure she got down from the roof when she got herself stuck and she made sure I didn’t almost make the kitchen a drive-thru with my car again. She forgave me for me getting us into a wreck when I covered the eyes of our sober driver while he was driving us up our wooded driveway and forced us to have a head-on collision with a tree. She has been there through it all. She has laughed with me, she has walked me through life step by step, and I have learned some valuable lessons when I didn’t take her advice. She is hilarious, loyal, a good listener and doesn’t sweat the small stuff. We have honestly gotten into 2 maybe 3 fights in our friendship and I am probably taking the blame for all 3. She took me in when I made the move to Tennessee and motivated me to make a life for myself here. She coined my phrase: “Make a way out of no way”  and that I have, over and over again. Knowing that I forget my purse on a weekly basis tells me that I couldn’t live without her. She is my right brain, she gets my jokes, she gets me, we 1000 inside jokes we share on Patio 457 and I hope she knows how much she means to me. Happy Birthday girl, I hope you enjoy the phone charger that I gave you and I can’t wait to celebrate with you next weekend!

Cheers to being 36…again!

 

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Muchos Gracias!


I have had many many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving season. I am thankful that I got to go see my parents. I am thankful that I got to hitch a ride with Brandy on the way down. I am thankful we got to hang out at our old watering hole/college job, Taco Mac Woodstock, the night before Thanksgiving with our ol pal Nena. We had a great time, we laughed very very hard, mostly at the fact the we learned that Nena used to have a club foot and a lazy eye at the same time when she was little. It was a "had to be there moment" and the timing of the conversation was a perfect recipe for a 20 minutes belly laugh out of each of us. You think after 17 years this would have come up in some fashion, but nope and until the class pictures came out, Nena had no idea she looked any different. Bless her little Pirate Patch Forrest Gump heart.

 
Brandy dropped me off with my Dad Thanksgiving morning and we proceeded to the sticks for some grub and family fun. My mom had informed that it was my turn to start making the infamous chocolate pie, she said that this year she was fired, I mean retired from the duty.

Ok here is the thing, my Grandma had this amazing chocolate pie recipe that used to be delicious, but over the years Mom decided to in one way or another to "tweak" the ingredients. We all know that they are borderline purist when it comes to the menu but that doesn't mot mean take out key ingredients such as sugar and think that molasses would be a proper replacement one year. There was the year of the cocoa instead of chocolate chips, the year of the wheat soy crust debacle and I am pretty sure there was a dark chocolate and plain yogurt instead of whip cream incident. It became a fun traditional guessing game to see if this year’s pie would be edible. The only standard we held it too was if the pie turned into pie soup when it hit the plate then we knew it was at least consistent in one regard even if it didn’t taste like anything we’ve ever had before.

Well this year I got the baton tossed my way and I got to take a stab at it. Everything was from scratch, Mom and I tackled this together, it was so much fun, she read the ingredients, pointed out what was what and I did the heavy lifting. It was a huge success!!! Many many moons later we got our old pie back. I tried to convince my dad and brother that mom and helped me but they didn't believe me, ha. It’s true, without her help I would have made nothing but a mess. We did it and we did it together.

Next thing I am thankful for was the opportunity to conquer yet another fear. I am on a roll people, finally after many years in fear of anything that did not have a seat belt; I got on the back of my Dad’s Harley! Let me rewind a bit, I remember shaking on the back of a moped in Key West with Gary going like 10 MPH. A couple years later, I tried to ride on the Harley and squeezed my Dad so tight that he had to turn around, apparently being able to breathe is important when driving a motor cycle. I hopped on the back with my Mom's Harley garb on and rode with zero fear, hell I didn't even hold on to my dad, no hands no hands! It was awesome! I am pretty sure I can do anything; did I mention I drive over the mountain without a blinking the week before?? If you find me sitting outside during a thunderstorm I will be officially over my fears, but we are in no hurry, we must respect the storms and stay out of their way.

It was a great stay with my parents, Mom and I laid in the bed and had girl time, me and dad took longs walks had our time and in between I hung out with the dog. Mom is going through a challenging time with her new Chemo treatment but that doesn’t stop her from laughing and making everyone smile! She made a few abstract pieces of art and some paintings over the last little while. She gave me a couple, they all have meaning and I videoed her telling me what they meant and captured a few laughs along the way, it was pretty cool. She asked me not to show them for fear of people may think she is crazy, um Mom we don't worry about things like that, we are Baswells remember?

 
Anyway next time I will write about me army crawling across the street to surprise my Decatur crew and earlier today when I flossed my teeth with a piece of paper in front of my project manager while sitting in his office. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I was picking the avocado off of the corner and handing this report to him. I need to stamp the phrase "be aware of your surroundings" on my hand. Earlier that day he asked me to measure a window in the office while he was on the phone at Lowes picking up material for the window. I promptly told him it was 3 feet and 13 1/2 inches wide. He was silent and then said or 4 feet 1 1/2 inches? Eh I mean if you want to get technical I guess.

Maybe the last thing I should be thankful for is the ability to take myself with a grain of salt and have the abilty to train people into having little to no reaction to my antics.

 

 

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

one man band


Ok so it’s been a week since I blogged but I didn't want to ruin my surprise. I went to Atlanta to watch Jake, get my hair cut and go to surprise everyone at Patti's Thanksgiving party. I got into town on Friday night after leaving early on Friday to skip the traffic. Silly me, I am going to Atlanta, I will never skip traffic. I hate Atlanta for that reason! No matter what day it is, what time it is, I am going to sit in traffic..blah! I left early Friday, kinda glad because I just got offered the coveted position of receptionist at my job. Um what? Que? Como? Heh? Come again? WHAT?!

Ok let's figure this out, our current receptionist was let go, so let’s give Spazwell her job, stick her in the front to answer the phones while doing her three other jobs and see how that goes. I needed time to digest this and unravel this spaghetti idea that is chillin in my brain. I have no idea if my bosses read this and thus far I have been pretty good about keeping my opinions to myself about work, but hey boss, this is a terrible idea. I am not sure if we have been properly introduced, I have Attention Deficit Disorder, the read deal, the kind where the only thing I see during a car crash while window shopping on a busy street in Atlanta is the shiny ball hanging in the window of a novelty shop.

I have now four jobs titles, I am imagining the phone ringing and its some lady who's supply line in her bathroom upstairs has just exploded and it is now raining in her kitchen, the UPS guy will want me to let him in the gate, the painter will want me to write him an $8,000 check while reconciling the credit cards and while I am asking an adjuster to pay for anti-microbial spray on a mold job. By the time that scenario plays out I would have paid the lady with the flood $8000, gave the credit card to the UPS guy, told the painter that we are not going to use anti-microbial on his mold and then no one is happy. Today was my first day cause I called in sick yesterday and I already want to back to my office!!! I told Ryan today that I don't want to work in the zoo, he told me that I would be good a managing the zoo, I really didn’t feel like arguing so I just said thanks and went back to my new spot, Grand Central Station.

I am still sick, so I need to go lay down, I am heading back to Georgia tomorrow with Brandy. She is dumping me off with my parents so I don't have to drive back down again by myself YAY! I will blog when I am my parents. Excited about seeing them!!

 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

one time, one shot, one bullet


I love the Voice! I just got done watching the results show, I never watch the results show I always just fast forward to the end, but this is truly entertaining. That damn Christina can't help it, I’m always rooting for her but she makes it hard when she comes out looking like the love child of Mrs. Hannigan from Annie and Miss Piggy in Drag. Seriously girl, it’s cool you got curves but geez; work it a little less hunny. Brandy said she looked like a reject from the hunger games and could do a Bridal shoot for Lane Bryant.

Anyway, back to the Utah/Vegas saga, its time I wrapped this baby up. Long story short, I woke up the next morning, got dressed, and we headed out for two more short and easy but beautiful hikes. It was an amazing two days in Utah, first time there and I believe Jeff when he says he always leaves Zion a better person.

One packed up car, one tunnel through a mountain, a few pics and we are off back to Vegas. Three hours later we arrive. Somehow we managed to muster up just enough energy to go eat so damn tasty Sushi and well that was about it. Lights out early. Wake up refreshed for our Sunday funday. We talked about shooting some guns on our hike, so that is what we did. Let me give you a little background on my gun experience. I have always claimed to be terrified of deadly weapons and just thought it to be a good idea for Spazwell to stay clear of anything that could blow off toes and/or people’s heads. I did shoot one rifle one time with my dad and brother on his land. I was shaking the whole time and couldn't wait to put the damn thing down. I may have been a little misleading when I told Jeff I had been shooting before with my dad, I guess I forgot the one time, one shot, and one bullet part. Jeff picks out a gun from his arsenal and we head to the shooting range. I am of course excited; I get to put one more illusion of a fear to rest. We are sitting there waiting on our turn and this girl asks me if this was my first time, I answer yes. Jeff's eyes get all big and was like, um what? I said yes this is my first time shooting. “You said you shot with your dad.”  Yes I know once, one time, one shot, one bullet. He calmly sets down his phone, takes a deep breath and says this may be a good time to teach you, we should start with safety. Great idea, oh but wait, I have a question, “Why are we using real bullets? Why not blanks?” “Um so we can see where we are shooting and blanks are for the movies.” Ok cool got it.

 
We go over the Cliffnote version of how to aim and what not to do and then it was our turn. We put on our goggles, our ear phones and head on in. He loads the gun, I watch, we shoots the target I watch. Ok now it’s time to take my five minute lesson and apply it accordingly. I load the magazine and aim, look as awkward as humanly possible and shoot. WHOA, that 40 mil has got a kick to it!

I did good! He let me shot most of the 150 rounds that we had, I got more and more comfortable and I loved it. I only put him in danger once when I waived the gun around just as a hot as hell shell goes flying through the air and straight down my shirt. Other than that, when the other two shells went down my shirt, I managed to hold my composure. So all and all it was a blast, I for sure want to do it again and who knows, maybe I get my own gun one of these days.

After that we went and got a bite to eat, watched the Steeler game and off the airport we went. I am now hoping that they don’t test my hands for gun residue like they did on the way out after I left my phone on my pocket through the metal detectors.

Great trip! Good stiff, I achieved my goal of not dying and all is good. Jeff was a great host and hopefully their will be another adventure in my future.

Monday, November 12, 2012

sweet and sour


Before I bring my trip to an end, I wanna give a couple of my friends a shout out.

Stuart and Stephanie, my buddy's from Atlanta, congrats on the bouncing baby girl! I know you took the rocky road to get here but you made it and I am so incredibly happy for your both! I can't wait to meet little Eve, I am sure she is precious!

Also, to my friend Amanda, not sure if you are still reading or you jumped ship during the boring times. If you are listening, I want you to know that my prayers and thoughts are with you. I know this is not something you signed up for but just know that you have so many people in your corner to help you fold these stupid cancer cards you've been dealt. The girls of AXO know how to hold em, know how to fold em, and know how to walk way. You got this girl, keep on keepin on and just remember that the Sunflowers in your life have your back. XOXOXO.

Well now it seems silly to wrap up my trip today, I kinda wanna dedicate this post to my friends and hold up a ribbon or something.

 

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Part 3 Utah


It’s the bed and breakfast portion of the story, so Cousin Brandy, we are about to test out your gag reflexes. This is the most amazing house just off the canyon of this beautiful park. There is a steam shower and a huge space ship of a  massage chair, um yes, I will take one steam shower and one massage after a day of hiking please. Then I will light that fireplace and jump into the humongous jetted tub. Bath salts, yes please, there is a reason that they didn't have bubble bath sitting out, but no worries I have my body wash that I will use. Um jets plus body wash equals a room full of suds just in case anyone didn't get that memo. We had such a good time talking until the bubbles subsided and we had turned into a couple of  prunes (of course we had our bathing suits on Mom and Dad).  He asked me why I was still single and I had about an hour long answer for him that he patiently sat through. I basically said that I am not going to settle for anything less than true happiness. I skipped over all of the “on the prowl” stories; less is more when it comes to explanations of my dating record. After we are 100% rejuvenated, slipped into our matching silk robes and we get ready for our date at the fancy restaurant down the street.

 
We settle in and order some grub, since this weekend was about trying new stuff, I order me up some lamb. Um yuck. It was not good; he said that it was because it was not grass fed or something to that nature. He was so sweet and traded his dinner for mine and I got to eat his yummy pesto pasta. He ordered a bottle of wine so any lamb tastes left on my pallet were quickly washed away. We were having a great time, chatting, laughing and then the real laughing began. He held up the bottle of wine and was reading the bottle, this bottle slips through his fingertips and comes crashing down on the glass table. Red wine comes spewing out of the bottle all over him and well the table is now shattered. Haha! Holy crap, this is too much to take in at once. We are both just sitting there with dumb looks on our faces. I thought stuff like that only happened to me, I was pleased to be the passenger and not the driver of this train wreck. Excuse me waiter, can you please add one glass table to our check? The waiter was totally cool and said (in an attempt to make poor mortified Jeff feel better) that he is surprised that it doesn't happen more often. Ha! Jeff quickly paid the check; I’m a guessing a hefty tip and we got the hell out of there.

 
We get back to the room and fall asleep watching a Duck calling reality show, so romantic.

 

Friday, November 9, 2012

father time is handing out minutes


Ok so this week has been a fairly bonehead free week, with the exception of a few dumb things that came out of my mouth at work. Bonehead free until now. I go out with a few co-workers last night, I get home, I’m exhausted, I get into my comfies and hunker down for the night. I recently discovered that I sleep much better on my couch than I do my bed, so lately I have opted to slumber on the couch and use my phone as my alarm. I get under the covers and realize that I left my phone in the car. Since I've already tucked myself in to my couch I decided it was not worth the trip down the stairs in the freezing cold to get it. So I set my alarm in my room and crank up the radio so I am sure to hear it in the morning. Sure enough, the alarm goes off, I get up and make my way to the shower. I get dressed and head out to go to work. I get in the car look at the clock, um yea its 630am and not 730am like I thought. Since I've been back in town I haven’t slept in my bed so I didn't change the time with the rest of the America when daylight saving occurred. Are you freakin kidding me?! Holy crap, I sat there for a few minutes and banged my head against the steering wheel. I decided to take advantage of my gift of time, went grocery shopping and now I’m writing this here blog. Do I wish I slept an extra hour? Hell yes, but I chose to look at like I get to be awake an extra hour, not many people get to add time to their day, lucky me.

 

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Part two of the death hike


Ok so we arrive to Angel’s Landing in Zion National Park in Utah. Grad some sandwiches, a couple of Cliff bars (totally appropriate) and I am pumped! We got out of the car, its cold in the shade so I layer up with a pants, a wind breaker and head up the mountain. It’s now like 73 degrees so it doesn't take long for me to shed my jacket. The weather is perfect!! Keep in mind I have been training for this so I am ready, but about 20 minutes in I am sweating like crazy. Jeff is like “you are like sweating, are you ok?” I found a bush, ditch my pants and I feel like a brand new person. I am wearing my not so typical hiker attire, I got my shorts lined with pink stripes, I got my pink shirt, I got my pink visor and my pink breast cancer bracelets on, this pink lady is ready for anything.

About 2 hours in we get to the sketchy part and I plaster myself to the rock and hold on tight to the chain. The people who we met on the way up are behind me and laughing. I am like inching my way up sideways, holding on to the mountain. Jeff skips up the mountain like a little monkey and tells me to freakin walk upright like a human and it will be much easier. "You look ridiculous!" “I don’t care, this chain is here for a reason and I am not leaving it!" He heads up and I tell the people behind me that my fearless leader has left me but is all good cause I’m becoming one with the mountain. They were laughing and said that at least I had a sense of humor. I make them laugh a little bit and I finally start to man up, get my bearings and realize I can walk upright like a human, all is good. I dig deep, forward motion and just go for it. I scaled up the mountain, trying not to look down and just focus on getting to the top. I am now shocking the hell out of myself; I feel zero fear and make it known. I am not scared at all and just do it, oh but not before Jeff points out the exact spot the last lady lost her footing and falls to her death, thanks Jeff. We get to the top, chit chatting with the same family we keep passing and I am feeling good. We are now like 2000 feet up and the view is amazing! I did it, I made it to the top, I told Jeff I was freakin proud of myself and he said "you didn't just do it, you killed it!" Yeehaw! I cannot disagree, he said that every time he comes to this park he leaves a better person and I totally understand what he is saying.

 I love hanging out with this kid, he brings out my inner bad ass and I love it. Last time I was leaping off tall cliffs into the Colorado River and now I’m scaling tall mountains. Once I do it, all I want to do is find the next challenge. Next thing I want to do is repel and sky dive. My little skittish self was just an illusion; I am an adrelin junkie just waiting to happen. So we have lunch at the top, relax, breath in and out, then head back down the same way we came up. Now I get to pause and check out the view, its breath taking. My job is done; it took three hours to get to the top and one hour down. It’s time to head to the bed and breakfast and relax!

Part 3 tomorrow.

 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Someone call someone.....I'm alive!


I did it and live to tell about it! My trip was amazing and it went a little something like this:

I get dropped off at the airport and I am not there 10 minutes before I hear my name over the loud speaker. "Stephanie Baswell, Stephanie Baswell please report to security" What? What did I do now? “Um ma'am you are gonna need your boarding pass to board the plane and you’re gonna need your watch to know what time to board the plane.” Ok good call security lady, good call, thanks for recuing my belongings from the security bin. That's when I realized I hadn't given myself the whole "don’t lose anything" speech. I had a talk with myself and set out to wait three hours till my plane was ready for me. I go to the bar to grab a bite to eat and see what kind of interesting people I can strike up a conversation with. I met this stoner snowboarder from Kentucky, I tell him where I’m going and he is familiar with the hike. He then offers to buy me a drink, he said if he sees me on the news in the next couple of days after plummeting to my death he wants to tell his friends that he bought me a drink. Ok thanks, that is very comforting. I made a few more friends talking football and finally it was time to board. I settle into my seat and we are off. It’s not long before I realize that I am the lucky girl who gets to sit near the devil child who seemingly had a few espresso shots for breakfast. This kid is like three and spent the entire flight kicking seats, slamming trays, throwing cups, snacks and anything else he could get his hands on to line the aisle floor with. He screamed the entire time and his mom just sat there like nothing was happening and just kept giving him fried chicken. This child is now slinging chicken all over the plane and he turns to me and starts yelling. I didn't feel bad flipping him off as he was ruining my movie. We land in Denver and I watch this mom put her kid on leash and head to the next plane, it’s just so happens to be the my next plane...nooooo!!!!

I got off without killing anyone and wait for the next plane. I board and cross my fingers that I sit with adults. I got lucky, I sat next to this cool couple from Chicago, we all had a blast on this flight, we talked and laughed the whole time. We exchanged numbers, they got my blog address and we are now going to hang out in Vegas on Saturday night. If that didn’t work out they are gonna come and visit me in Nashville. If you are reading this, hey Tia, hey Collin, it was nice to meet ya!

I finally arrive in Vegas and Jeff is waiting to pick me up. We load up his jeep with my three bags, one purse, one back pack and one overstuffed, heavy suitcase with super strong zippers. Its Thursday night and we are gonna go back to his house and cook some dinner. We have some Salmon, chill out and get ready for my second leg of the trip...Zion National Park, Utah.

Friday morning, car is packed and its road trip time. We have Tony Stewart behind the wheel and head out into the mountains at top speed. I have now been up for a while and have not have had breakfast. No one gave Jeff the memo that I usually eat before I open my eyes in morning and that its just a safe bet to always make it a prioty to feed me for doing anything else. He gave me some pineapple to munch on so I was cool as we drove through the desert to the nearest diner. We stop and I indulged myself with carbs, oh carbs how I’ve missed you. I am now full and ready to get back in the car with Dale Jr.for the sencond half of the trip. It’s so funny, I have to take a Zanex to drive over the mountain to Atlanta but Jeff is taking sharp curves and huge mountain roads on two wheels and I am totally cool. We arrive after an amazing scenic drive and I am ready to gitty up this moutain/cliff/death trail!

 I have to stop here and get ready for my semi-weekly conference call with Christine and Patti so I will resume this tomorrow….stay tuned for part 2.