Friday, May 23, 2014

Mother in the house!

YO YO YO!! I finally feel the juices back in my brain, things are starting to pop in my head that I wanna report so...here goes nothing. I've been asked a few times when I am going to start blogging again and I seriously couldn't picture it while juggling my day to day TV watching/feedings but since I slept walked the other night I feel the  need to plant this picture in everyone's head, so the time is now.

Every night before I go to bed I fill my 25 oz. Bubba Thermos with ice water and lay it by my bed. I haven't been sleeping all that well, until this night, my body finally gave in and I went into a deep coma sleep. Well apparently while sleeping, I reached over to the night stand, unscrewed the top of the Bubba and dumped the entire 25 ounces of ice water in the bed, then walked to the linen closet to get sheets. I am still sleeping but can hear Wood hopping up out of a dead sleep and yelling "what in the hell is going on?!?!?" He finds me standing at the foot of the bed (in the creepiest way possible) with a pile of clean sheets in my hand. What?!! Good morning! What happened?!  Not sure. After the shock wore off and I woke up, we got the ice cubes out of the bed and changed the sheets, pillows and bedspread. I have no idea what happened, I need to be put in a test tube and studied when it comes to my sleeping antics.

The last time we were all together I decided to have a baby the next day. So here I am 4 months later still wingin it.

I had a baby boy named Jesse Brooks Caldwell 8lb 3 oz. via C section with minimal scarring. He was born with a full head of hair, blue eyes and a funny smirk on his face. Wood was in the delivery room with me watching the whole thing go down. He went from not wanting to be in the room for fear of disgusting things scarring him for life to being the token comedian right by my side. At first he pictured himself in the waiting room full of guys and a box of cigars waiting on me to be wheeled out with a baby in my arms...um no. I was laying there telling the doctor that he was scared he was going faint, so Wood took that as a dare, looked over the blue curtain and watched the whole thing. He saw my guts and a doctor elbow deep inside of me, I mean people do say you should get to know someone on the inside, mission accomplished. I was laying there not knowing what was going on, all I knew was that I was starving and the smell of my own skin burning as they cauterized my stomach smelled delicious. Wood was making the whole place laugh the entire time, cracking up the doctor as he pulled Jesse out, I think it was his announcement that the baby was black that got the biggest laugh. Hahahoho real funny. So now I have this baby. I spent the entire first day of being a mom drugged up, throwing up and passing out (kinda like my college days). After I had the baby and other people could come in and see me, Wood stepped out for a quick celebratory drink since his favorite bar was conveniently across the street. I was so out of it,  I remember Brandy putting her hand on my stitches so they wouldn't pop while I puked over and over again, while she held Jesse, what a trooper. People were in and out all day, my folks were coming up the following morning so it was time to wind down and relax. Wood and I finally got settled, I was laying there itching from all the meds, Wood hands me a freshly wrapped baby, he lays down on his fold-out couch that is not meant for a 6' 7" dude and closes his eyes. I am sitting there all alone trying to hold him. It didn't take me long to fumble him around until he was unwrapped and crying, it was then I realized that I never really held a newborn for more than five minutes without supervision. Ok made it through the first day, I got this.....