brilliant

Well last night was a bust. I was planning on Will coming over; I had a romantic evening planned for us. We were gonna liquefy my mucus with some salt water and then melt my ear wax with an ear candle. It was going to be so magical, but he got a late start so I told him to turn around, go back home and I would see him Friday. I figure we could recreate the magic at the farm this weekend. I still have a buzz and not in a good way. I’m almost used listening to myself chew my food as it echoes through my brain. I now have a new respect for the hearing impaired, block eardrums brings out the 97-year-old in me. My co-workers are almost used to me yelling when I talk and they love repeating themselves. BUT there is a light at the end of the tunnel; I got a tip from a friend of a friend about something called Fish Mox! Yep the same stuff that is used to keep bacteria out of an aquarium is gonna clear this infection right up. Every single day I head out at lunch in pursuit of a new substance to make me better and today I may have found it.  I made a beeline for the Farmer's Co-op and got me some Fish Mox, in this bottle is 100 capsules of 250 mg of amoxicillin! Ta-da, antibiotics! Yay! The lady at the store swears by it, she hasn't been to the doctor in 10 years and same with the girl who told me about it. If this works I will have unleashed the best kept secret this side of the Mississippi. I can't wait to report back with glowing results and start selling it out of my trunk.

Sarah sent me some tinted lip balm today, thanks girl! This is a bribe so I will get rid of my frosted lipstick she busted me wearing in a silly video I sent her. I was being goofy in the office and pretended my headset was a microphone and I was Brittany Spears. After the video went viral amongst our friends I was instructed to dispose of the frosted lipstick immediately. Ok, 10-4 girl I hear ya loud and clear, frost is out and lip balm is in, keeping up with the fashion trends is a full time job. How do we feel about hemp necklaces?

 

bzzzzzzzzzz

bbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz that is the sound that has been in my head for the last 48 to 60 hours!! I am still sick and apparently the new symptom of the day is buzzing in my head! I couldn’t even sleep last night cause that is all I could hear. I had to get up, flop on the couch and turn on the TV to drown out the bbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. This is not awesome. I Googled it and it appears I may have Tinnitus most likely caused by an ear infection.

So now I have a highly recommended Neti pot and some not recommended decongestant that I had to hand over my license and provide a full background check to get at the Walgreens. Apparently they were afraid I was going take it home and make some meth in my bathtub. According to state law we are allotted only certain amount of this meth ingredient a month and they are keeping track. The Neti pot isnt as easy as the girl on YouTube makes it look, just so ya know. You take a pot of water and pour it in one nostril so it comes out the other while trying not to drown yourself at the bathroom sink. It was a pretty ridiculous first attempt; water coming out my mouth, all kinds of ruckus was made but I did get some relief in the nose department. So I now have water going up my nose, alcohol and drops going in my ears, pills going down my throat and all I get is bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I would like the white noise to cease and replace it with the regular old voices please. If you hear about a woman on the 11 o’clock News with a Neti pot in her hand playing traffic, you'll know what it’s regarding.

 

AAAAHHH!!! MAKE IT STOP!

 

tears for ears

Well well well, what a fun and exciting week! It’s been a week or so since I have written anything and here are the excuses in chronological order:

Went to Fayetteville Friday, Georgia Saturday, got back Sunday and was tired, Monday still tired and by the time I get home from work on Tuesday, I have the flu!  Nothing to see here but an over flowing garbage can full of soup cans, Nyquil bottles, orange juice containers and disgusting tissues. It’s been great; I finally see what all the fuss is about with this flu thing I keep hearing about on the news. I am no longer a stranger to this wonderful virus that has knocked me on my ass and left me on the couch to be as worthless as this decorative pillow that sits beside me.

I called into work Wed, Thurs and Friday and now it’s Sunday and I am still not recovered! Wednesday morning was a blast; I had been up all night because of how bad I was in pain with a sore throat.  I just knew it was strep throat and I knew I needed to get to the doctor right away, get some antibiotics and nip thing in the bud.

Anyway, I got up out of bed and just started crying my eyes out, apparently being sick and sleep deprived makes me emotional. I get myself together and try and figure out where a hard working uninsured American should seek medical attention (yes unfortunately I cannot afford health insurance at this time). Nevertheless I start googling health departments and such; there is a list of them with different stipulations, the one I did find that looked promising was not accepting new patients. Since I felt like donkey dung at this point and I couldn’t even fathom research with the headache I was experiencing, I jumped in the car and did the easiest thing, Minute Clinic at CVS. I head out and haul ass so I could get this thing over with before I croak. Oh but wait, let me get pulled over by Nashville's Finest real quick. Awesome, blue lights appear in my rear view mirror and now I get to pull over.

Since I had already been crying earlier it did not take much for Unstable Mable to bursts into tears as soon as I am settled on the side of the road. The cop comes up and asks me for my license and registration. I am crying my eyes out as I look through a huge stack of papers that I pull out of my glove compartment. He asks what is wrong, I tell him I am very sick and I was trying to get to the doctor as quick as possible. He tells me that he needs me to get there safe and I was driving way too fast. He told me to just give him my insurance card since it was gonna take most of the morning to get through this stack and find my registration. He came back and told me he was not going to give me a ticket and told me to slow down. Woohoo!!! I finally got out of a ticket!! One point for the sick lady.

I am at the Clinic the second they open, we discussed it being around $100 (give or take a 20) so I break out my credit card and cross my fingers. I tested negative for strep which meant I had the flu, which meant no antibiotics, I just get to treat the symptoms. So I basically gave the lady all my money to tell me to rest, drink plenty of fluids and take Nyquil. Gee thanks, I think my Mom told me all that for free the night before, but it’s better knowing I guess. I did have a fever so I was able to get a doctor’s note for work. I went into Kroger and tried to figure out how to push myself in the cart; it really sucks with no Mommy in sight when you are sick. I drag myself up to the counter somehow and then made it home.

Since I have been home I have become one with the Army Wives and my couch. I feel like I live on post and lights out is at 0800 hours and I say things like "Roger that."  Thank goodness there are tons and tons of episodes to keep me entertained.  I think I have logged about 60 hours or so. I have learned a lot about combat, FRG meetings, falling out and PTSD. I am making sure my hours in front of the TV are educational and emotionally inviting.

One current problem that I am not a big fan of is my ears. They have been getting plugged up with fluid and have been getting worse. Apparently plugged up ears and home remedies go hand and hand. For a day or so it was just the sound of the ocean flowing through my brain so mom recommended a few drops of mineral oil in my ear. With no mineral oil or ear dropper insight, I promptly warmed up some Wesson oil in the microwave and poured it my ear. Since oil and water really don't mix all that well, all I got was an oily pillow and an oil treatment for my hair. Then I tried putting a towel over my head as a canopy and putting my face directly in a fresh pot of steam from the water I was boiling on the stove. All that did was act as a nose hair removal system, so I just threw some eggs in the pot and called it a day.

My ear was getting more and more clogged and beginning to hurt. I am now getting desperate, so my next attempt is lying down on the ground with a wash cloth and a hair dryer to my ear trying to dry the fluid out. When blowing hot air into my brain didn't work, Brandy suggested pouring alcohol in it so I asked if Vodka would work. She said no that I need to get some RUBBING alcohol. Well since the TV sounded like a robot in my ear, I threw on my shoes at around 11 last night and I was either going to the store or the ER. All I knew was that I was in pain and I felt like my ear drum was going to explode. I got in the car and got on the phone with Brandy, she got on WebMD and she talked me through what to get. I ran in Kroger grabbed some alcohol off the shelf along with some numbing ear drops and ran into the Kroger bathroom and stuck my head over the sink. I flip open the cap and poured this crap in my ear sat there for about 20 seconds and then put the drops in. I did get some relief thank goodness but it was not over. I decided I needed to leave the bathroom and possibly pay for all the stuff I just used. Brandy came across some information as to why this happened, apparently Nyquil or any other decongestant drug that makes you sleepy will thicken the fluids that may be in your ears or nose or wherever. So there you go, some education for everyone. After being in a Nyquil induced coma all week it did make sense, thanks Nyquil for almost blowing my eardrums to smithereens. I am now laying here still fighting the fluids but resting likes a good girl. Ok the wives are waiting on me; it’s time to see who is a match for Claudia Joy’s kidney and where the 23 Airborne troops landed after an emergency deployment.

Before I head back to the post, I would like to wish my very good friend, Kathy Goodwin, a very happy Kathy Day! I hope you have the most fun today and enjoy it with your ginormous family. Happy Birthday lady!!

Happy V Day

Well today was interesting. I woke up to Will calling me at 6am telling Happy Valentine’s Day and that Sarah texted him. "Hey Steph, Sarah was telling me I needed to send you roses" Well actually it was “Steeaaph Suuraah tellin me bout sum roses" I was half asleep and was like what??? I am gonna kill her I said. "No No NO don't say a word" he said. Um okay, not gonna happen. Then I get to work and Vickie asked me what Will was gonna send me, I told her nothing and that we would celebrate it on Saturday. So she texts him without my permission. SO he calls me feelin all bad, I told him not to feel bad and I would call him later. He said “I got all yer friends texting me about the damn flowers" well I do apologize, Sarah had my best interest at heart and Vickie wanted to stir the pot, bottom line.

I was in a terrible mood all day, Valentine’s Day is a crock, designed to make you feel feelings you would not normally feel. I have designed my relationships to seem like I don't need stuff; well maybe I do need stuff, little stuff. Little stuff like, I need to see my parents Saturday, check. I need to have dinner with my boyfriend Saturday night, check check. I have decided that I am gonna stay in bounds of the blessings I do have and leave the rest alone. Sarah was awesome to give a little nudge in the flowers department, now he knows that sometime you do have to read between the lines.

All of us together this weekend will be the best present I can ask for.

P.S. Sarah + face time with Will  = influential friend. See you soon

 

Roses are red.....so I've heard

Lunch went well, just a good ol fashion meet and greet amongst cousins. She caught me up on life in Flat Rock, Alabama and then we dodged a head on collision when leaving the restaurant. Nothing like a quick trip to the ER to make you forgive and forget. We played nicely in the sandbox and all is good.

I got a call from Will after work telling me he was going to send me flowers tomorrow but decided against it since I once told him I don't need material things to make me happy. He said that he would rather spend the money on a nice dinner out that we both could enjoy. AWWW but but but I haven’t had a boyfriend on V Day in years and I have never gotten flowers delivered to my work....I want the flowers damnit! Oh well I guess that’s what I get for trying to be low maintenance. I will look forward to our night out on the town...in Atlanta. Yes we are going to visit my parents and then he wants to have dinner in Atlanta. I am trying to decide on a place...I need help! I was thinking maybe dinner at a Tapas place and then a comedy club, Whole World Theater perhaps? I don't know I am a horrible plan maker. I mean I have been fired from being in charge of movie rentals for crying out loud. The last 3 movies I rented were total bombs that we ended up turning off half way through the movie. I mean I can’t even cut and paste a word out of an online Thesaurus properly. Now I am under the gun to make this spectacular evening in a city where I feel like I never know where to go. Ugh, I was thinking Brookhaven and then I pictured us running into Gary....um no. The North versus the South is a not my idea of a good meet n greet for Valentine’s Day, which is our two month anniversary by the way. It’s really the 15th but I secretly switched it so it could be on Valentine’s Day cause I thought I would be getting flowers and the card would read “Happy Anniversary my little love muffin butterbean boopy butt.” I don’t know who is called that but I was picturing something that would bring a tear to my eye after I gagged a little.

 
Ok I am done being a brat; maybe Vickie will let me smell her roses.

Where in the heck to I bring a farm boy to in Atlanta???? (Any and all suggestion are welcome)
Scattered, smothered and covered?

 

get it MB!

First off, I want to wish one of my very good friend, Marybeth Thompson, well. I want to send out a huge shout out as she gets her ass out of a huge standstill called Atlanta. I want so many great things for you and I know you of all people will make that happen. I am so happy that you are making this giant leap! Marybeth was one of the proprietors in my nomadic stage and for that I will always be grateful. XOXOXO love you! I can’t wait to visit you in Charleston!

I have been trying to keep my hormones in check this week and I have been not so successful.  Today I have raised my voice with Lori, sssshhed my production manager, bowed up to my boss and asked Will what the hell was one his mind. Since nothing was on his mind, I blame it all on my reproductive cycle. Me and my mood swings do apologize.

Anyhoo, hopefully my hormones will be in check tomorrow because my long lost cousin and I are having lunch. For the first time in a year and a half we are gonna hang out for a whole hour (good luck girl) and I am looking forward to it.

 

it was almost a full moon

Almost got caught with my pants down ya'll. Yesterday, while Will was in the shower, I am doing my laundry. The laundry room has a window in front of the washer and dryer and an outside door on the side of the room. As I am putting my last load in I realize I need to wash the pants I have on too. So I remove them and throw them in the washer knowing I have a fresh pair in the dryer to replace them. Then out of nowhere Will's dad appears in the window...ahhh! Thank goodness for my cat-like reflexes that I was able to use the next half second wisely, I opened the dryer pulled out anything that resembled pants and was able to cover my white bottom before the Dad came barging in the door. “Hey girl, what's up?!” He surveys the room, “oh good you're just doing your laundry and not his right?” “Hell no just mine!" I yell nervously. “Ha good!”  and shuts the door. Holy crap, thanks for stopping by!

 
Ok well now I know, keep your pants up and your eyes open, lesson learned.

 

solo sunday

So Saturday after a fun night out with Kelly, I resigned my position as head of household and fled to the country so Kelly could have some peace and quiet. A few hours later she resigned her position as a homeless person and got to go back home to some electricity. Woohoo! We didn't kill each other, yay! After nine days of house guests, I came back home today and got reacquainted with my couch. We spent some quality time together as I watched 6 episodes of Army Wives.

Last Friday, Christine and Patti came to visit me and Kelly joined in the on the fun whether she liked it or not. We had a good ol fashion slumber party, the girls got a long splendidly (whew, I am always nervous about mixing friends) but we all had a blast! We played dress up, had some dance party USA that ended with jumping off the couch and doing face plants on the air mattress, as ya do. I got to do my skit of the prank I played on our Production manager. I have no idea why, but for whatever reason I can do an Asian ascent, like perfectly. I was acting like this lady Lucy who calls us up all the time, she is super enthusiastic and our Production Manager can’t stand her. I called him from my cell phone, talked just like her and got him good. Everyone in the office was rolling, I was pretty proud of myself.

We got up the next morning; Kelly went to go transfer all her food from her house to mine and the rest of us met Will for lunch. It was a great time at the Mexican restaurant; Will gave his usual hugs to everyone and picked me up over his head of course. It was all comfortable and conversation flowed as always. They loved him, put their stamp of approval on him and gave the green light to meet the rest of the Decatur crew. We had a good laugh at some of the ways Will pronounces things ie magnesium or maaguhneeesiiuum. I think there are now 10 syllables in that word.

 Now if you'll excuse me I need to find out how this divorce is going after one army wife cheated on her army husband....drama drama drama.

 
More tomorrow!

 

sike

Well I was planning on blogging tonight and catch everyone up on the recent activities but Kelly is about to walk in the door and she already told me she is talking me into going out. I have my comfies on so we'll see if she can make me pry them off of me. Poor thing has been homeless for a full 7 days, hunkering down in my one bedroom one bath. Her house got all jacked up from the recent tornadoes and her power lines were severed. We are not so patiently waiting for the dumb dumbs of Nashville Electric Service to mend her lines so she can move off my couch, which is where she has been since she got off a plane from Boston for work. So tomorrow will be the day I play catch up...hopefully.

A few quick things before I go....3 more votes of approval for Will...Christine, Patti and Kelly all loved Will. They all say that he is my perfect match so we are gonna go with that for now. I am excited to tell you about the prank I played at work and the fact that my job is insaneballs. I told Sarah that Kelly was a blog block and she replied that she has blue blog balls. HA!

 

 

I am having withdrawls from expressing myself

Wow its been so long since I have talked to you all!!! Well just wait one more day, Kelly has been staying with me all week and its been tough to come home and pour out my soul. So tomorrow its on, I think I will have the house to myself for the first time since last Friday. Fingers crossed!!! Be patient I have a lot to go over!