SO I am coming off of a cleaning high, I have been organizing and cleaning all evening, I feel so much better about myself. I got a Christmas card from Amber (thanks girl) and got a pumpkin roll in the mail from Sarah! Wahoo, I have gotten a pumpkin roll every year since I can remember and this year it made its way up to Nashville and that's awesome. I am thinking of re-gifting it to my secret Santa recipient tomorrow, don't tell Sarah. The way I see it, I won't get any fatter and the pumpkin roll's goodness will have spread its wings even further. (just kidding girl)
I am also thinking about doing some shopping tomorrow during lunch, someone told me that Christmas was this weekend, I did not get the memo. I guess I will get in the spirit starting tomorrow, I don't like to wear out the Christmas welcome, I like to get into the mood about 3 day prior and drown myself in the Christmas spirit, kinda like I do everything else, cram for my final, stay at a friends house for 3 days, go on a 4 day diet, I never like to spread things for too long.
Ok this is so F'd up! I want to talk like I used to, about boys and my inner conflicts, and I can't because certain people read about it and journal is now censored! Ah screw it.
As everyone knows I hate playing games with boys, but of course I have to because that is what people say you are supposed to do in the dating arena. Again, for the record, I am against this, but I feel like me and a certain boy started off talking NON-stop, texting-talking-texting-talking all the freakin time and that was cool,because we were both participating and it was fun. NOW I feel like I am carrying on like we used to, but I also feel like I need to take a step back and play a little hard to get. I mean I have things to do and people to see, but I enjoy talking to him, he still makes me laugh, but we are dangerously entering the friend zone and that has happened to me ALOT. I am a guy's girl, I enjoy sports, talking about sports, enjoy bustin chops, enjoy being candid, being silly, being myself and just hangin. In the past, most of the time, this behavior translates into finding a new friend (lets face it, Gary and I were best friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend, and neither one of us wanted to admit it for years) So now I am thinking that this is where we are headed, its understandable, but to be quite honest, I have enough friends. I want to make some plans and hang out all cutesy like. I want to be courted and not thought of as of one of the boys. I guess I have a lot to learn in the dating world, but most of it seems fake and one big game, and apparently that's the necessary step into ushy-gooshy-world. I don't want ooshy gooshy, but I do want to be the catch, the girl that's not like most girls, all dramatic, needy, catty, materialistic and co-dependent. I just want to be myself and want a man who respects that and is ok with that and wants to do the little things to make me happy, because it all boils down to the little things. I am a self- sufficient woman who enjoys the little things in life.
Ok now that I have stepped off of my soap box and have become aware that I just used my blog as a bullhorn to voice my way of thinking, I will shut up and wait for my all of my girls to hit their foreheads with their hands. But, what will be will be, I just felt like I needed to keep the honest, candid theme of my daily thoughts and felt the need to express myself, otherwise, why have a public journal?
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